Break ups are never easy to navigate.
Who gets what? Who gets who?
People are going to naturally take sides.
And public events tend to get a bit messy.
When in public… is there a time and a place for everything?
Case in point…
Redditor monkey349 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for embarrassing my cousin after she danced with my husband?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I separated from my husband a month ago.”
“It hasn’t been an easy separation and we’ve both said and done things during it to hurt each other.”
“We all went to the same wedding.”
“I was trying my hardest to ignore my husband and I was doing pretty well until my sister pointed out that my husband and cousin were dancing together.”
“I’m going to admit I was upset because I feel like as my family, my cousin should’ve had my back and she knew how awful he had been to me during the separation.”
“I also know my husband well enough to know he only danced with her to get under my skin.”
“They were also very close for two people not in a romantic relationship.”
“I went outside for 20 minutes and by the time I got back my cousin was sitting with my family.”
“When I got there, she brought the dance and my husband up.”
“At first, she tried to justify it by saying she was trying to help him because supposedly he was helplessly being held hostage by a group of women trying to dance with him.”
“And she had to help him get away from them, but it was so obvious by her face that she was happy about the dance.”
“I made a sarcastic comment about how she really helped him out.”
“She got upset and asked me what I meant and I told her he was just using her to get to me.”
“She told me I was wrong and that they were friends and she was just helping her friend out.”
“I laughed when she said they were friends because they aren’t and have never been.”
“I think I either embarrassed her or upset her because her face went red and she told me I was being a *itch for no reason before she left.”
“The next time I saw her she was hanging out with my husband.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Girl…Your cousin is going to have sex with your husband, if she hasn’t already. Be prepared for that drama.”
“NTA, your cousin sucks.” ~ ExcellentCold7354
“I have a feeling the cousin was either trying to seduce the husband or they already had something going on.”
“Anyway OP shouldn’t feel guilty for exposing her, she was just embarrassed she had being caught. NTA.” ~ pegsper
“I was gonna say the same.”
“If they haven’t already, and he is as big of an a** as OP says… he’s gonna do it to get at her.”
“Cousin will think they have a thing and not realize she is being used.”
“And then have her heart broken when she realizes what’s up… if that happens though.”
“Cousin would probably blame OP.” ~ Nymph-the-scribe
“NTA for the simple fact she brought it up to you afterwards because she clearly wanted a reaction from you.”
“Also, dancing with your estranged husband is a bad look and a d**k move.” ~ Legitimate_Essay_221
“NTA who dances with their cousins ex in the middle of an acrimonious divorce?”
“Also it doesn’t sound like you were going to address it.”
“You removed yourself from the situation and when you returned cousin forced the issue.”
“Sounds like cousin was hoping you’d make a scene, and give your ex ammo in the divorce.” ~ REDDIT
“So freaking weird as to why he would attend.”
“Like if I were getting divorced to a family member I wouldn’t feel comfortable showing up to my ex’s family function regardless of how close I was to their family.”
“The hosts shouldn’t have to disinvite him, it should be common sense not to show up.” ~ Skankasaursrex
“Depends on how they know him/the couple.”
“OP may have already explained why he was there elsewhere but there’s a chance that a friend of his was marrying a relative of theirs.”
“Which wouldn’t be weird or vastly unlikely.”
“OP and ex get married, his mate meets a different cousin of hers or something, her family is there on behalf of the cousin, he’s there on behalf of the friend.”
“It’s plausible that both he and OP’s family have invites independent of OP’s marriage.”
“Or he’s just a fool. Or both.”
“ETA: OP stated it wasn’t a family member of hers wedding and his own family was there in other comments.” ~ mazzy31
“NTA. Seems like she wanted a reaction from you.”
“Nothing shows you who your real friends are than when you split from a spouse.”
“Sounds like she’s been waiting in the wings for him.”
“She may have even contributed to your split. Ignore them both.” ~ emccm
“NTA, because she not only danced with him, but then rubbed it in your face in front of other people.”
“You held your tongue until she did that, so you’re golden.”
“She wants to be catty, you can be catty back.”
“I don’t see any lines being crossed here by you.”
“People, especially women, like to be judgemental about women who clap back. “
“But don’t be ashamed for not being a doormat!”
“You kept your cool better than I would have under those circumstances!” ~ Immeasurable51
“NTA. I’m betting there’s an affair that’s been going on there.”
“Cut contact with your cousin and let her deal with your soon-to-be ex husband.” ~ DemonicSymphony
“NTA. That’s just a ridiculous thing for her to have done.”
“All these hypothetical responders sympathizing with the cousin – if your cousin was going through a painful divorce, would you have danced closely and publicly with the ex?”
“No? Why not?”
“Because it’s inappropriate and everyone knows better, including the cousin pretending to be clueless.” ~ newbeginingshey
“NTA. She knew she should have just kept a distance.”
“And your husband knew he shouldn’t have been dancing with her.”
“Also she brought it up trying to defend it.”
“If she hadn’t brought it up and you’d have said something I would be telling you to let it go because it’s not worth your time.”
“But for her to say something, she opened herself up to your comments and I’m pretty sure your family wouldn’t defend her if you said worse.”
“She’s lucky you didn’t.” ~ Sassafrass0074
“In my experience, at a wedding, it’s quite normal to dance with a variety of different partners – your husband, your cousin, your uncle, your nephew, your granddad, the groom.”
“And yes, your cousin’s ex. It’s just normal party activity.”
“You might dance a bit differently due to the age or relationship of the participants, but I don’t get the impression anything improper went on.”
“Just that OP didn’t like it, since she’s still jealous over husband.”
“Cousin sounds like she snapped back because she was sick of being stared at jealously, plus why not have some fun if you’re gonna be blamed?” ~ Unit-Healthy
“ESH. They were trying to get a reaction from you, and you caused a scene at someone’s wedding.”
“This is someone you are divorcing. You are separated.”
“You can’t control your cousin or his behavior, but you can control yours by showing you are above their petty games.”
“But you fell into their trap and rather than hold your freaking tongue until after someone else’s happy day, you laid into her right there.”
“And okay, MAYBE that dance wasn’t about you.”
“Not everything is about you. You acted like a freaking baby.”
“Grow up, be the bigger person.”
“You are split for a reason and what he does doesn’t matter anymore.” ~ korli74
“NTA. A piece of advice though, he’s still controlling you because you’re letting him getting under your skin.”
“This isn’t about your cousin or your husband, this is about you understanding that you’re happiness and well being is entirely in your hands!”
“Don’t let anyone else have power over your emptiness and you’ll be free and happy!”
“Sending you best wishes for a quick and successful resolution.” ~ ambarcapoor
“NTA. Don’t be surprised to find out they’re dating.”
“Especially now that you’ve ‘blessed’ it with your hurt feelings.”
“Sounds like winners on all sides.”
“The only reasonable way to navigate it is to live your best life, have a great time.”
“Give zero f**ks what either of them is up to, and if they try to throw it in your face, find it hilarious.”
“You? Him/Her?? I can’t wait to see the eventual Maury episode this is gonna be!” ~ CaligoAccedito
Reddit seemed a little on the fence here and there.
But for the most part OP has support.
Break ups are never fun.
Hopefully OP can just get through peacefully.