Like our physical appearance, family and other genetics, our names are something bestowed upon us which we have not control over.
Unlike our genetic makeup, however, names are something about ourselves we are able to change.
Of course, most people are perfectly happy with their names, or don’t pay much mind to them, and feel no need whatsoever to change them,
Others, however, wish they were named anything else, and choose to go by an abbreviation, nick name, or even their middle name, if not legally change their name altogether.
Redditor LoudAlbatross6 was among those who was not happy with the name they were given, and shared her intent to change it with her parents.
A decision which did not sit well with the original poster (OP)’s parents at all, resulting in a rather serious divide wedged between them.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for changing my name? My parents named me Qur’stylle (Chrystal)?”
The OP shared how after putting up with significant bullying and ridicule for much of her life owing to her name, she arrived at the decision to change it, much to the dismay of her parents.
“So my asshole scumbag parents named me Qur’stylle and my whole life I have gotten sh*t like ‘are you muslim?’, ‘what language is your name originated from?’, “what country are you from?’ and people butchering its pronunciation, for obvious reasons.”
“I have always told people to just spell it as Chrystal and my parents, mainly mom, would take huge offense to it and would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly.”
“My mom even grounded me once because I told people to just make save my name as Chrystal in their contacts.”
“Now that I’m a legal adult I got my named changed to Chrystal so now I don’t have to deal with this f*cking bullsh*t for the rest of my life.”
“Having this bullsh*t spelling and having to correct everyone everyday was annoying as hell and everyone before they met me would always think I’m some spoiled brat b8tch when that isn’t true at all.”
“Your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious, and having these bullsh*t spellings is not good.”
“My mom lost her sh*t and started crying and threatened to cut me off for doing this.”
“She said I betrayed her and our family by doing this.”
“I’m pretty sure I’m in the right but i need a sanity check here.”
“I told my mom to go fuck herself and f*ck her for causing me all these problems in my life and not supporting me and taking my complaints into considerations over my own f*cking name.”
“My mom is a c*nt and my dad is a spineless coward.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for wanting to change her name.
Everyone agreed that it was the OP’s right to change her name, particularly as it brought her strife for most of her life, and felt her mother overreacted to this news, though many found her conflicts with her family are much more deeply rooted than her name alone.
“It’s your name and your right to change it if you wish.”
“Honestly, if I may say so, it may be best to take a step back from your family.”
“It sounds like they’re causing you a lot of unnecessary anger, and you seem very hostile towards them.”
“Cut as much negativity and toxicity out of your life as you can.”- TolkienandTrees
“I, personally, hate when parents give their kids names that are hard to pronounce or names that the kid’s going to get made fun of for.”
“Naming a child shouldn’t be about the parents, it should be about how it will affect the kid as they grow up.”
“I hate my name and have always gone by my nickname, which is just my name but shortened by a letter.”
“My dad wanted to name me Mario and I’m so glad that my mom put her foot down and made him compromise with a name that is somewhat Italian and English.”
“It’s not like the name they chose was good either because I got made fun of for it in elementary and high school when teachers leaked my name.”- Darkbomber04
“Your mom thinks you’re her possession to show off.”
“She picked that name for the same reason people get their sports cars in bight red.”
“‘Look at this awesome thing I own!'”
“Not only are you in the right for wanting a normal name, it’s good of you to get out from under your mom’s influence.”- JeremyMcCracken
“‘Betrayed’ her and your family?”
“That’s a stretch.”
“And THAT’S an understatement.”
“She gets to pick your name when you’re a kid.”
“You’re an adult now, and you are allowed to dislike what she picked and change it.”
“She’s allowed to be hurt by that.”
“She is not allowed to threaten you for making adult decisions.”
“I honestly don’t understand why I see so many posts like this where families want to cut people off for absolutely ridiculous sh*t.”
“Are there that many insane people in the world?”
“How do you explain to your other family/friends/social circle why you don’t see your kid anymore?”
“‘She changed her name. She’s dead to me now’?”
“Doesn’t anyone tell them how completely bonkers that is?”- Beret_of_Poodle
“If it was a culturally or religiously important name with roots in the family then maybe that would be on the spectrum of betrayal but this is just basic narcissism.”
“Just read the definition below of narcissism and see how much of this you think fits your mom’s feelings about YOUR name.”
“’Excessive need for admiration, disregard for others’ feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement’.”
“Plus you’re an adult.”
“Unusual names can hinder or block legitimate employment, higher education, granting of loans etc.”- CardiacSchmardiac
“she was threatening to cut you off for changing your first name as a legal adult?”
“But the “go f*ck yourself” was a little harsh, though also justified.”
“If my kid hated their name so much that they changed it, I definitely would feel terrible for doing that to them.”
“It sounds like a vanity thing on your mother’s part.”
“Embrace your new name and maybe take a break from your family, too.”- Monster-mommy
“I’ll be honest, that spelling looks like she was trying to create a game avatar with her favorite character name but all the normal spelling variants had been used up on that server, so she had to get really creative to get the name to take.”
“You’re a human being, not a game avatar, and you’ve been dealing with the consequences of her misguided judgement your whole life.”
“Your life is yours, and yours alone, to live.”
“She has never had to take the social heat, but you have, and it’s your right as a human being to make whatever changes you, as an adult, deem appropriate to make your life better.”
“Good luck to you.”- mischiffmaker
“wtf were your parents thinking?”
“I don’t think they realized how MUCH a person’s name a affect their lives.”
“There are studies shown that people with more ethnic and differently spelled names are often lest likely to get a call back for job interviews.”
“Sorry, but your parents sound sh*tty, especially your mom.”- pandab00p
“By no means TA.”
“If your name has caused you lifelong problems and you hate it, change it.”
“If your parents don’t like that then it’s their problem and they should respect your life choices.”-BaroquePseudopath
“I was given an unusual middle name, mother’s vanity, and I changed it when I turned 18.”
“Couldn’t even stand it in the middle and that’s where weird names belong!”
“In my current country, Germany, Qur‘stylle would be rejected as a baby name by the authorities.”
“Your parents should have chosen a better name.”
“Welcome to the world, 18-year-old Chrystal!”- tiacalypso
“That name is an absolute first.”
“Is there a reason she named you that?”- terrible-advice-
What is most disconcerting about the reaction of the OP’s mother is her immediate response that she would cut her daughter off, rather than have a calm and rational conversation about it first.
Making it seem entirely possible that the OP’s issues with her family are far more serious than the name alone, as many others suggested.
Perhaps with some time apart from her family, the OP will come to a place where she will be able to have a long, open conversation with her family and all their issues.
All the while being comfortable with and proudly owning her new name.