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Redditor Refuses To Use Their Dead Dad’s Life Insurance Money To Help His Young New Wife And Her Kids

Jose Luis Pelaez Inc/GettyImages​

Redditor slqbug is a 32-year-old beneficiary of their late father’s life insurance money.

This did not sit well with the deceased’s young wife, Ruth.

After a confrontation with her, the Original Poster (OP) visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:

“AITA for not helping my former ‘stepmom’ and step-siblings after my dads death?”

“My dad died relatively recently and didn’t have much left in terms of assets. He had remarried to Ruth but I (now 32) was already an adult and don’t really consider his wife my stepmom.”

“While she technically got his belongings, they weren’t much after paying his outstanding debts. I however was his life insurance beneficiary, which was 500k.”

“We’ve checked with lawyers, there’s nothing she can do, as it was a policy he had updated in the last year and atleast where we live life insurance is treated separate from inheritance.”

“He married a significantly younger woman who has two kids in high school. He was paying the lions share of the bills but they didn’t have a college fund.”

“Now Ruth is asking me to give her money for living expenses as well as enough for both of her kids to go through college. Personally I don’t think it ever should have been my dads job to provide for her kids, and I’ve never felt close to them.”

“Now that I’m beginning my own life, my wife and I would like to use the funds to pay off what’s left of our student loan debts, a down payment for a house as well as a well as a little cushion.”

“Ruth says I’m being selfish but I just think given the fact that he set up me as the beneficiary as recently as he did, I’m following his wishes by using it to advance my life.”

“Ruth brings up the fact that I don’t have kids while my dad had (step)kids, but my wife and I would like to if/when this pandemic ever ends so we want to keep the cushion for that.”

“I also paid for college myself through loans and scholarships so I don’t really sympathize with them not having a college fund.”

“It’s been a hell of a year and I’m about to just block Ruth because it feels like harrassment at this point but I’m curious what people from a 3rd party perspective think.”

“I will try my best to respond to info posts.”

Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Most Redditors sided with the OP and chose NTA.

“NTA. Your father clearly intended for you to receive the money.”

“And if getting her kids’ college paid for is a worry for her, why isn’t she contacting their actual father?” – AnicetusMax

“The fact that he recently updated that policy with you as sole beneficiary really cinches it for me. Your money. NTA.” – Extension-Quail4642

“NTA. Your dad would have known what he was doing by naming you as the beneficiary of his policy. He was setting up to provide for his kid.”

“Your step siblings biological parents can pay for their education.”

“Edit: please don’t feel guilty about the money. Sorry for your loss.” – miz-elle

“NTA and don’t give her a cent. You were his bio child and he tried to provide for you. If he wanted to provide for his wife and her kids he would have.”

“Tell her that if she doesn’t stop harassing you you’ll get a restraining order and use that money to have a good life mate.” – shitsandfarts

An expert in the field added their two cents.

“I never thought that I would get to be relevant because of what I do since it is so boring. (Rofl)”

“I work in life insurance. You don’t owe her a penny, it is a death benefit. He could have named multiple beneficiaries. That means he deliberately chose to exclude her and the kids.”

“Life insurance is not like a pension or Social Security where the spouse is entitled, it is purely his choice. She is not owed anything out of this policy.”

“The fact that your father did not add her or the kids of hers when he could have named multiple beneficiaries, even deciding to give them each only a small percentage (like 2%), tells me that he did not intend to give her anything of it and decided he thought it was fair the way he broke down his assets.” – theycallmesunshine

“Also, either she should have already known that OP was the sole beneficiary, or her relationship with OP’s dad may not have been as good as she’d like to pretend, in which case (well, either case), she REALLY shouldn’t be going after the money.” – hexagon_heist

“Yep, she is nothing to you. Cut contact and enjoy your life. She’s an adult, and she is responsible for her own kids.”

“They can take out loans, etc. just like you did. Don’t discuss this anymore, just say no and that’s it.” – Ok-Beginning-5922

“NTA. You should prioritize paying your college (loans) over paying for college for your Dad’s wife’s kids’ college.”

“Ruth married a much older man. If her financial security was important, she should probably have discussed that with him. The fact that your father intentionally made you the beneficiary to the policy somewhat recently, and made no plans for Ruth, leads me to believe the relationship wasn’t going well.”

“Your father was obviously thinking about his plans for after he passed and intentionally didn’t provide for Ruth.”

“Barring your father asking you to share with Ruth, there’s absolutely no reason you should do so.” – teresajs

The OP updated the post expressing relief over most Redditors declaring NTA.

“By far the majority are telling me I’m in the right, which reassures me. I’m done responding to comments but there’s been some common questions.”

“To address some common themes: They didn’t get absolutely nothing, just not a ton. She’ll likely be able to continue her lifestyle for about 6-12 months then she’ll have to downsize her lifestyle.”

“The stepkids are freshman and sophomores in high school. Their dad is not absent he has split custody, he’s just not much of an earner and my understanding is he doesn’t pay child support due to 50/50 custody.”

“College wise I don’t care since they can get scholarships/financial aid/student loans. That’s what I had and did just fine. If they were going to be homeless I’d help out but I paid all funeral/burial costs and after how entitled she acted, my wife and I decided to just leave them in the past and move on.”

“She can adjust her lifestyle or try to find someone else to take care of her again.”

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo