When people with pets get married, their furry friends are forced to come along for the ride. And that means two animals being expected to get along out of the blue.
In a post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit, one Redditor illustrated the struggles involved with that.
The Original Poster (OP), known as Both_Refrigerator239 on the site, made her side of the situation clear.
“AITA for telling my husband to rehome his cat?”
OP began with an abbreviated saga of animal dynamics.
“Me and my husband have been living together for 1 year. When we moved in together, I brought my 3 year old American Bully, while he brought his 18 year old cat.”
“We tried to introduce them to one another by initially separating them, then by introducing them to each other’s smells, followed by letting them see each other whilst at a safe distance.”
“They appeared to get along, but after a day, the cat began making it’s dislike for the dog VERY clear.”
“I tried describing what this entailed, but my previous post got removed due to it going over the character limit.”
OP and her husband were forced to play mediators.
“In response to this, we’ve taken to keeping the cat and dog separated by gates when there is no one around to supervise them.”
“When we’re around, we splash them with a small amount of water if the cat begins to ‘fight’ with the dog, which worked for a while…”
“…until recently, when the cat became relentless in it’s efforts to go after the dog, even after being splashed with water.”
They were eventually forced to bring in professional help.
“As such, we took the cat to our local vet to assess it for any issues. The vet told us that he is perfectly healthy.”
“Another issue that we have to consider is that I’m pregnant.”
“While I’m not saying that the cat would definitely be nasty towards my baby, the way it has acted towards my dog has caused me to worry.”
So OP made a suggestion.
“I brought up the idea of taking the cat to a cat sanctuary, where it would hopefully be able to find a new home, in a relaxing environment and without fear of being euthanised…”
“…since we can’t take it to any family members, since his family is refusing to have the cat, and my family is in the UK.”
That led to a back and forth.
“We argued virtually nonstop about this for days, until my husband finally agreed to take his cat to said cat sanctuary. However, he is still pretty upset with me.”
“I feel really bad for my husband, however, I do feel like it was the right decision, not only for the dog, but our future baby.”
The OP added in a comment she purchased her dog from a breeder while her husband’s cat was just a “mixed breed.”
Once her case was made, she asked:
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors unanimously delivered the harsh news—OP was being a major a**hole.
For many, the age of the cat was an important variable.
“It’s an 18 year old cat. Not only is it incredibly unlikely to find a new home, but think about how stressful that would be for the poor thing.”
“Please go back and save his cat. I’d honestly never forgive you if I was in his shoes.” — Barrel-Of-Tigers
“I just lost my 18 year old boy. The thought of your husband’s cat dying without the person he has known for his whole life breaks my heart.”
“Not only are YTA, but you are the worst kind of AH…the entitled kind who is willing to break the hearts of those nearest you if it will prevent you from being inconvenienced.”
“Your husband deserves so much better.” — XbawnjornoX
“I honestly would have left the marriage over this. Not even sorry.”
“She should know how much that cat means to him. With her selfish self.” — PamphletHamlet21
“This would 100% end the marriage for me. Then again, I’d never marry someone who insisted on abandoning a FAMILY MEMBER.” — LovecraftianLlama
“YTA, the cat is 18 YEARS OLD! Who would want to adopt an 18 year old cat with aggressive tendencies not to mention how hard it would be on the cat after living with someone for 18 years then being rehomed.”
“How about rehoming the dog? No?”
“You don’t want to give up the poor dog? Didn’t think so as that would be just as bad!”
“Sorry but it’s on you to make it work and keep them separated” — Delusion2k21
“OP, the way your husband’s cat acted towards your dog has zero to do with how it will respond to your child.”
“And the cat is 18-years-old? That is very old for a cat.”
“Meaning it was loved and well cared for all these years. It makes me sad that its last year or two will not be with the only family it ever knew. YTA.” — Crafty-Addition9105
“YTA. Like I don’t see how you don’t see that. And I absolutely hate to be this person, but if I was in your husband’s shoes this would end the marriage for me.”
“How incredibly eye opening it must be that he married a heartless person such as you.”
“That cat is 18 years old. Can you imagine someone asking you to re-home your animal after having it for 18 years?”
“Despicable” — OutlanderWitch
Many were more blunt.
“YTA- If you can’t keep a dog and cat separate inside a house you are not competent enough to care for a baby.”
“How hard is it to build a little catio and keep a godamned door closed?” — Educational_Earth_62
“The cat is 18 years old and you think there are sanctuary’s for cats?!? Pets are for life.”
“Right now pandemic pets are coming into shelters and rescues at an alarming rate. Deal with this by bringing in a behaviourist. YTA.” — Tagna09
“YTA – you are so horrid I cannot even… This cat has maybe a year left in his life.”
“And instead of living with his human you sent him away. TO DIE WITHOUT HIS FAMILY.”
“God your husband is going to resent you and hopefully leave you. And you will get to feel just 1/4 the confusion, loss, desperation and fear this poor animal has.” — VonShtupp
“YTA and weaponizing your pregnancy to force your husband to sacrifice his pet is just loathsome you should be ashamed.” — Rainbow_Pompom_Bird
“YTA. Stressing out an 18 year old cat like that could very well kill it.”
“Not to mention the fact that your husband had this cat for far longer than you had your dog. If you wanted peace so bad then rehome your dog.” — JanusIsBlue
For the sake of the cat, here’s hoping the commentary hit home.
The OP offered a few comments to try to justify their position, but did not acknowledge Reddit’s judgment nor offer an update on the status of the cat.