Relationships with in-laws are sticky to say the least.
Occasionally those relationships end due to divorce, and for some that is cause for celebration.
Redditor Open_Tiger9919 did just that, but is now facing some scrutiny.
This led them to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for feedback.
They asked:
“AITA for having a celebration dinner after my brother’s divorce?”
They went on to tell their story.
“My brother just got his divorce finalized.”
“No one in the family liked his wife.”
“She was not a nice person, ie, she’d ask for ideas on what to ‘spend his money on’, was the type of person that celebrated her birthday for 2 weeks and expected everyone to do the same.”
“There were many arguments over that when people in our family didn’t show up for each and every event she planned or wore the shirts she’d make for her birthday…”
“…interrupt when people were talking to talk about herself, go running to our mother anytime she asked for something and my brother told her no.”
“The tipping point was when our mother was going through chemo- she had issues with her feet swelling and would elevate them while resting on the couch” “
The one time we all came to visit my brother brought his wife and she just took the pillow out from under mom’s feet to use it in the chair she was in because she was tired.”
“Aside from expressing our concerns when they first started dating, we never said anything to him and tolerated her for his sake to not push him away and just griped amongst ourselves.”
“Now they’re divorced.” “
The day that it was finalized, I took my brother out for dinner and invited some of our friends that hadn’t been able to see him because of his wife.”
“While we were at the restaurant I toasted his new chapter in life. Someone said “Real classy” and it turned out one of ex-SIL’s friends now works at the restaurant.”
“We finished our dinner, left, went out for a while longer. I got home and while watching a show with my wife, my phone was going off with notifications.”
“All messages from my ex-SIL chewing me out for celebrating their divorce.”
“Since my wife wanted to know who was messaging me, I showed her the messages and she’s of the mind that while she understands why no one liked my ex-SIL, celebrating their divorce and toasting it was a prick move.”
“She thought I had been exaggerating when I said I was taking my brother out to celebrate. It’s been a few days and my wife is still shaking her head at me over it.”
“AITA?”
“NTA”
“There could have been balloons and cake but you kept it low key, it’s not your fault ex SIL friend grassed you up.” – CrystalQueen3000
“NTA. You should have gotten T-shirts made and celebrated for 2 weeks!” – ProseParagraph
“NTA”
“Why is your ex SIL able to contact you? As much as you didn’t like her, I’d have her blocked ages ago. Lol” – DJ4116
“NTA. What matters is your brother’s feelings on the issue.”
“I would be calling the restaurant to report that worker for ruining your night out. I would let them know you ended up moving to another venue because of her hostility.” – Username19611691
“She took a pillow from a cancer patient. I’d celebrate getting that person out of my life. NTA.” – LazsloAndNadja
“Let’s be real here, celebratory dinners are for special events in people’s lives.”
“The only way this celebration could have possibly been a prick move would have been if ex-SIL worked at this restaurant and you took your brother there to celebrate in spite of her.”
“That is not what happened here.”
“Regardless of ex-SILs personality, there was nothing classless about this as you described it. It is 100% a new chapter in his life.”
“NTA” – Good_From_70
“Nta. Divorce parties are great crack! Threw one for a friend for her divorce. Was an absolute blast” – Downtown_Age9108
“NTA. I hope you skipped the tip as well, staff shouldn’t be eavesdropping and chiming in. Nor should they be telling people you were at their restaurant.”
“Celebrating a divorce finalization is normal. It’s meant to cheer the person up (if needed) and show support.” – Grand-Corner1030
“NTA. Sounds like you had every reason to celebrate your brother’s return to reasonable life.”
“Please tell me there are no kids in that equation – there’s not going to be any reasonable coparenting with someone like your brother’s ex.” – JsCTmav
“Nah man, NTA. She was bad for him, he’s free now, you love him, you celebrate his freedom.”
“You’re not celebrating a divorce, you’re celebrating a new chapter.”
“Also, ex-SIL probably doesn’t like it because no one is throwing her a divorce party, but if it were to happen, I really doubt she would have a problem with it.” – Embarrassed_Olive_65
“‘The tipping point was when our mother was going through chemo- she had issues with her feet swelling and would elevate them while resting on the couch.’”
“‘The one time we all came to visit my brother brought his wife and she just took the pillow out from under mom’s feet to use it in the chair she was in because she was tired.’”
“I’m sorry, what? That is feral behavior. It sounds like she should count herself lucky that she did not get every single strand of hair snatched from her head for that.”
“Does your wife know this lady literally snatched a pillow from a woman undergoing chemo?”
“Because, imo, someone who does that deserves no courtesy or kindness and your wife calling that a prick move would make me side eye her pretty hard.”
“Also, the manager of that restaurant would be getting an earful from me about that nosy employee who eavesdropped on a conversation and intentionally stirred up drama.” – False-Guess
“NTA, what are you supposed to do, insist that your brother mope and be sad?”
“You looked for the positive in the situation, and treating it like a new chapter is a healthy, normal thing to do.”
“And since neither SIL nor her nosy friend were invited to this celebration, it’s none of their business. Your wife is being too judgy.”
“Congratulations on getting these people out of your lives. Cheers!” – SquatCobbbler
“NTA”
“Celebrating transitions and milestones is always appropriate.” – tuttkraftverk
“NTA. You obviously didn’t know about the SIL friend working at the restaurant.”
“It doesn’t sound much like “celebrating,” it is a new chapter in his life, even if the divorce was amicable on both sides. I would not respond to SIL’s msgs. Forget it and move on.” – stroppo
“NTA. Tons of people celebrate when they get a divorce. I don’t know why you should have to worry about ex-SIL’s feelings at all here. If bro wasn’t offended, then you’re good.” – idontcare8587
“NTA.”
“You could have actually been celebrating the divorce, or you could have been trying to lighten the mood – the observer has no idea, they just wanted to create some drama.”
“If the marriage was as toxic as it sounds, a celebratory dinner was not out of line.” – SirMittensOfTheHill
“NTA”
“I have a friend going through a divorce, and I’m probably going to figure out how to take her out to celebrate when it’s finalized.”
“Divorces often take so long that the grieving process for the marriage is over by the time the divorce is granted.” – PurpleMarsAlien
“NTA. Why not celebrate a new beginning? It has nothing to do with you not liking her but you cheering your brother up and motivating him to get on with his life.” – bvoomy
“NTA. Your brother is the only one who gets any real input on this.”
“The real kicker here is his reaction to the dinner and the friends he hadn’t seen in a while.”
“If his ex was isolating him, that’s a serious red flag. Sounds to me like you had ample cause for celebration.” – EvenSpoonier
“100% NTA.”
“You have perfectly described the relationship my family has with my brother’s wife, so, I truly understand the position you’re in.”
“Nothing wrong was done here at all. Your description of this “celebration” sounds very low key and respectful.”
”I hope I get to have a celebration like this for my brother some day.” – aramis604
“That’s a tough one. As a married man I have to say keep the peace at home but on the same token it makes no sense for her to be mad.”
“It’s almost as if she is taking your former sister-in-law’s side here. Does she think it’s immature or unnecessary?”
“You did the right thing in my eyes celebrating your brother’s freedom from the wrong person.”
“That’s not a prick move, it was a relief for you, your family, and friends and it deserved a moment out to distract and focus on better times ahead.”
“NTA.” – Mjolnirthedestroyer
“Ya. Ur wife is cracked man. Its absolutely ok to toast the end of the old and the beginning of something new.”
“You didn’t slam the ex. Unless ur leaving out that part of the convo. NTA. Toast away.” – Federal-Ferret-970
Hopefully there’s not another divorce dinner around the corner 👀.