Sometimes when we get out of a relationship, we work really hard to convince ourselves and the people around us that we are over that person and are ready for something new.
But actions speak louder than words, and it can be painfully obvious how hung up we still are on our ex, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor salsero01 had been dating a woman, who had two kids from a previous relationship, for the past six years, and they’d never really been accepted. Their girlfriend didn’t say she had moved on, and her kids still wanted her to get back together with their dad.
But the Original Poster (OP)’s eyes were finally opened when their girlfriend planned a weekend away to celebrate one of her sons’ birthdays, and the only people who were invited were her, her two sons, and her ex, leaving the OP in the dust.
They asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for ending a six-year relationship because my girlfriend wanted to go on a vacation with her two kids and her ex?”
The OP’s girlfriend was planning for her son’s birthday weekend.
“She has two kids, and one of them is having a birthday.”
“The kids’ father wants to celebrate at an expensive resort in Mexico with his family, and he invited her.”
“Not only that, but she is staying in the same bedroom with him and the kids.”
The OP was uncomfortable with the arrangement.
“Obviously, I am against it, and that was the end of the six-year relationship.”
“I feel justified in being against it, even though she says she is not going to cheat.”
“AIO?”
Soon after, the OP updated the post with more information.
“To clarify: I wasn’t invited because she never told him she moved on.”
“Her kids, ages eight and eleven, want them back together. Her ex wants her back.”
“I agreed to her going on the trip, but I wanted them to be in separate bedrooms. She refused, saying it was too expensive.”
“I never married her because she doesn’t want to. She got mad because I wasn’t cool with it.”
“So yeah, I am done for good!”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some were shocked by how the OP was being treated by a partner of six years.
“Why weren’t you invited since you’ve been with her for six years?”
“Her ex should understand that she’s moved on and if he’s inviting her, ‘no strings attached,’ then you should be invited, as well.” – KittySpanKitty
“Six years, and you’re not invited. Six years, and you’re still a secret. Six years, and you’re not married. Six years, and she’s preparing an affair right in your face. Don’t waste anymore time. Run.” – Hot-Judge-5095
“OP was the convenient wallet for the girlfriend. The kids want their parents to get back together. I’m guessing the ex wants that, too, and the girlfriend is looking at that possibility.”
“You were never an option for your girlfriend, OP. Move on from her, consider this as you dodging a bullet.” – hayabusa1919
“Since it’s a long-term relationship, I assume you met the kids and have built a connection with them and all that. Why weren’t you invited to the birthday party? I wouldn’t be happy or accepting either. I don’t think you are overreacting.” – thoughtspiral-55
“It seems really strange that she’s kept him a secret for six years, and the kids also never mentioned him to their Dad? Just doesn’t seem possible over the course of six years.”
“It just tells me that the girlfriend has been using the OP, and her kids never, ever accepted him as an option. He deserves so much more love and happiness than this relationship will ever give him.” – No_Soup_1741
Others agreed and were side-eyeing the girlfriend for not telling her ex about moving on.
“OP said her ex doesn’t know he exists. Ex is planning on rekindling the relationship. Apparently, she is open to it.” – Background-Key-1088
“He said she never told the ex that she moved on. For six years, she kept him a secret? Red flags all around.” – More_Nectarine3528
“Now she will be very vulnerable, and somehow the ex will be there to comfort her, and they’ll end up together. The end. OP should block that woman.” – donname10
“The ex wants her back, and the kids want their parents back. She refused to tell her ex about the OP or marry the OP. The OP has no chance and shouldn’t waste his time trying to get one.” – wordsmythy
“NOR. The only way I see this working is if YOU were invited, too, and you two stayed in your own room. Then maybe I could see this as a mature co-parenting arrangement, but the fact that he doesn’t even know you EXIST is h**la sus.” – iluna717
“NOR. I coparent with my kids’ dad pretty regularly, and we do celebrate birthdays together with ALL the partners and kids, but we would not plan a vacation with the kids, that excluded our partners.”
“If anything, if the girlfriend wanted to go to that, ya’ll could plan that together, and meet up with him, but in the same room, and excluding partners is weird.”
“It feels more like an anniversary, let’s start things up again, than a birthday weekend.” – ToastyMo777
“I know a lot of co-parents vacationing together but always have separate spaces to stay and always bring the new partners. You are NOR.” – Boomber050882
“So she never told her ex that she was in a long-term relationship with you? If that’s correct, then ending this sham of a relationship is the only option. She has been keeping you only as a placeholder.” – Fun_Scene_3392
Some hated all of the boundary-pushing the OP’s partner was doing.
“They could have a AirBNB and stay in separate bedrooms, and it would still be a h**l no.”
“There is no situation imaginable where my girlfriend would be spending the night with her ex, separate bedrooms or not. I also wouldn’t give a f**k if that makes me controlling, insecure, old-fashioned, or whatever.”
“NOR. It’s nuts people think that is remotely okay.” – Complete-Record5167
“NOR.”
“Oh, she said she wasn’t going to cheat? Oh, NOW I’m totally convinced, LOL.”
“100% disrespectful of her, and 100% the right call to break up.” – LincolnHawkHauling
“NOR. There’s a reason you weren’t invited.” – Calm-Way3664
“I wouldn’t marry someone who would go on vacation with her ex and sleep in the same room as him.” – Hot-Judge-5095
“NOR. That would be a boundary issue for me, too. It might be different if they weren’t in the same room, but that’s weird. How did she take the breakup?” – KeyMathematician3263
“I’m not saying something is guaranteed to happen, but we have a saying in AA: ‘If you hang around a barbershop long enough, you’re going to get a haircut.'”
“I’m incredibly trusting of my girlfriend, but if she proposed this trip without me, I’d be incredibly suspicious at best.”
“Even if she didn’t cheat on him, I would imagine OP would have a difficult time believing that.” – thewalkindude368
“Hot take: it doesn’t matter if she plans on sleeping with him, sleeps with him, or maintains acceptable boundaries; just the act of planning on staying in the same room as her ex is a relationship ender.” – Kwickpick77
“NOR. You expressed your discomfort with the situation. She made her decision, and you reacted to that decision. That’s exactly how personal boundaries work.” – TailorWilling6633
“Hmm. Sorry, but if you can afford to travel to a nice resort in another country, I would think you could spend the same on two rooms (one for mom, one for dad) in a slightly less expensive resort. This is highly suspicious, and her fault for agreeing that this is okay. NOR.” – Tboogie-1
Others cautioned the OP to not accept the girlfriend crawling back to him in the future.
“The girlfriend and the ex never moved on. I’m going to guess that either one or both of them had addiction issues in the past, which is what split them up originally. Now both have ‘grown up’ and gotten sober.”
“The kids don’t remember the bad sh*t that happened in the past. They just see how ‘Mom and Dad’ interact now, so of course, they want them back together.”
“Just wait. In six months, we will be reading a post about how ‘life is perfect, and I got back together with my ex while on a tropical beach after she realized how wrong her ex was for her.'” – overindulgent
“NOR. Heads up, she’s going to try to come back to you after she’s done playing happy family on vacation with her ex. Do not allow her to come back. This is wildly inappropriate on her end.” – Jeaous_Host_5597
“Her even ENTERTAINING this idea is grounds for a breakup, in my opinion.”
“After they fall through a second time, you can have a laugh.” – ProbablyRetro2024
“My guess is that once she gets back from the trip, she is going to go all out to get you to change your mind on the breakup. My issue is, if she was committed to you in the first place, she would never have agreed to stay in the same room. I know I would never do that to my boyfriend.” – Vegetable-Ferret-930
“Congratulations! You just got out of a s**tty relationship! Be happy for yourself! Don’t look back!” – Massive_Rooster_295
“Nicely done walking away. That was a boundary overstepped, smashed, and lit on fire.”
“Shouldn’t be doing a joint vacation without you, shouldn’t be staying in the same room. The fact the woman put the vacation over you says it all about her feelings for the ex.”
“I have a bad feeling she only chose you because there was something you could provide that her ex couldn’t… and only if her ex fails again will she come crawling back. You deserve to be with someone who loves you for you and puts you first.” – Taki583
The subReddit was just about as shocked by the girlfriend’s plans as the OP seemed to be, and they argued that the OP deserved much more than that, especially after six years of dating.
Since the girlfriend didn’t even tell her ex that she had moved on, there was something she clearly still wanted from that relationship, while wanting to be fulfilled in other ways by another one. If she wasn’t going to be honest about that, the OP had every right to move on.