How to deal with your kid’s diet is never an easy topic.
No parent wants to cause more issues than they need to.
So food and weight gain is a topic that needs discussing.
Case in point…
Redditor Few-Fig1415 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“WIBTA if I send my daughter to ‘fat camp?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I just got in a huge argument with my ex-husband about this.”
“My 14-year-old daughter Abby just hit 210 pounds.”
“This started about 1.5 years ago when me and my ex’s divorce was finalized.”
“Growing up Abby was always an average weight until we went 50/50 on custody.”
“When we were together I would do the cooking and shopping.”
“We ate a pretty good diet with some junk food thrown in.”
“The divorce was kinda messy but we sent the kids to therapy and it was doable.”
“Abby started gaining weight when we went 50/50.”
“At the beginning I just thought it was gaining weight before a growth spurt, that wasn’t the case.”
“At my house she was eating okay but at her father’s it is all junk food.”
“He doesn’t cook and to make it worse he lives by if it is on your plate you eat it.”
“So in short he is giving her way to big portions of crap.”
“I have talked to him so many times.”
“I have tried to let her serve her own food amount, instead of him loading up her plate.”
“He will not budge.”
“I got Abby into sports which she enjoys for the most part but it’s not enough to stop the weight gain.”
“I went to the doctor and nutritionist and it comes down to her basically eating three times the calories at her father’s place.”
“So since Abby likes soccer, I found an overnight camp from Friday night to Sunday night, the days that he usually has Abby.”
“Abby seemed on board with the idea and this way her dad will not be feeding her or even really seeing her for the next couple of months.”
“I informed him of the camp and that Abby wants to do it.”
“It was a big argument that he circled around to her weight.”
“He accused me of sending her to fat camp.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA- and frankly, what father is doing is abusive.”
“forcing a child to overeat.”
“If he will not relent then I suggest you work with doctors and lawyers and get custody changed so that he doesn’t create long lasting health problems in your child.” ~ chuckinhoutex
“This isn’t over feeding. This is force feeding.”
“It’s one thing if she’s offered junk food and overeats.”
“It’s another of their are repercussions if she doesn’t finish her plate.”
“Perhaps change focus and see if that helps.” ~ EmpressJainaSolo
“It’s different when kids are being fed to the point where it’s going to cause long-term debilitating health issues.”
“And there’s a whole laundry list of health issues that come with being overweight and obese.”
“A lot of those are a lot harder to fix once you’re an adult with set habits, or if the damage has become irreparable, and you are stuck managing a serious health condition long term.”
“Nobody wants that for their child.”
“Nobody wants to set up their child for a lifetime of bad knees, hips, heart issues, breathing and respiratory issues, circulatory issues.”
“And unless this child is 6 foot two, 210 pounds is extremely obese for a 14 year old.”
“Like this is setting her up for long-term lifelong obesity issues, and if Dad doesn’t get on board right away, then there’s no hope in helping her.” ~ owlsandmoths
“People too often love things that are bad for them.”
“The smoker with lung cancer still loves to smoke.”
“The guy that just had triple bypass heart surgery still loves greasy food.”
“The football player that just suffered their 3rd concussion of the season still loves the game.”
“OP’s daughter still loves her dad.”
“It’s going to be a harsh lesson for the daughter.”
“OP needs to send her to therapy or talk to a therapist herself about how to approach this.”
“This is abuse even if it’s not legally labeled that.”
“Waking up every morning and calling your spouse a piece of s**t that is a burden on everyone is obviously abuse, but a cop isn’t going to arrest you for that.”
“OP can’t leave things as they are.”
“It’s going to be tough, but she has to do everything she can to protect her daughter from her ex.” ~ letstrythisagain30
“My father forced me to overeat as a child and as a consequence now that I’m an adult I under eat.”
“He had the same mindset as OP’s ex with the whole ‘if it’s on your plate you finish it’ and then giving me way more than I could handle.”
“And getting pissed when I inevitably threw away a small scoop of potatoes or whatever cause I physically couldn’t finish it.”
“Absolutely NTA.” ~ MrMashed
“Yes, this. I gained over 100 lbs in just a few years once I graduated high school, and I CANNOT get it off.”
“Once it’s on, it’s so HARD to break the bad habits to get it off again.”
“And I have already been suffering the consequences in some ways since I hit 20.”
“My knees hate me pretty much every day, and my back kills me if I do too much.”
“And I don’t even look like I’m 100 lbs overweight.”
“I’m ‘fortunate’ in that all the extra weight is pretty much evenly distributed all over my body, so I look thinner than I am.”
“But it still screws with you in so many ways!”
“I really hope OP can help her daughter!”
“I screwed myself over with my bad choices once I hit adulthood, so I have no one to blame but myself and lack of impulse control.”
“OP, please do everything you can to help your daughter now while she’s still young! NTA.” ~ melissapete24
“My parents would sit me down at the table for hours until I finished my food.”
“If it went cold, I was eating it cold.”
“If I didn’t like it, I was still eating it.”
“To make it worse, my parents would ask (rhetorically) are you going to have x tonight with us I would always answer, no because I didn’t want it, I wasn’t hungry, or didn’t like it.”
“I was met with well tough sh*t, that’s what you’re eating.”
“It got to the point where whenever I was asked that question, I would sassily say well I don’t have a choice do I, so why dangle the non existent option in front of me.”
“One night my dad made steak.”
“Overcooked, the way he likes it.”
“I never liked steak, so I chewed it, and spit it back in my chocolate milk.”
“When my mother saw this she made me drink it.”
“I have a terrible relationship with food as an adult now.”
“What the father is doing is absurd.” ~ dirtypig796
“NTA. Also is it possible to take this to court to change the custody?”
“He is damaging your child’s health.”
“And it’s not just weight, it’s probably lack of vitamins etc too, extra strain on joints…” ~ tatasz
“It isn’t fat camp, it’s soccer camp, and your daughter has expressed a desire to go. So NTA.”
“However, this isn’t an effective long-term solution to the problem you actually have, which is that your ex is not providing a safe environment for the kid during his custody time.”
“If Abby is also distressed by the weight gain, it could lead to an eating disorder like bulimia.”
“You probably need to contact your lawyer and talk through what your options are.”
“Depending on what state you are in, Abby can make a request for custody review on grounds of abuse, neglect, or inability to properly take care of a child.”
“But that really needs to be driven by her, not you.”
“Alternatively, she’s 14, she’s old enough to take a stand for herself – make her own meals while she’s there or bring some home-packed meals and eat them instead of whatever takeout he gets.” ~ ImaginaryMaps
“NTA, this! And OP, please be careful about how you discuss this issue with your daughter.”
“My sister and I were raised in a similar but less extreme situation, and we both ended up dealing with unhealthy relationships to eating later in life.”
“My sister struggled with eating disorders and blames it on our mom heavily restricting our diet, and repeatedly body shaming us and telling us we needed to lose weight.” ~ Traditional-Arm-9321
“Came here to say this.”
“My disordered eating happened when I’d gone from 120-150 lbs and my parents told me I was fat and needed to work out–I was 16 and depressed at the time for other reasons.”
“Be very careful about how you approach this, because even if there are good intentions people can internalize what you say and it comes out in bad ways.”
“Good for you for finding healthy ways to help your daughter, and fight for her bodily autonomy.” ~ teensypotato
OP came back for a minute…
“I am talking to lawyers to try to get custody changed or at least a food clause in the agreement.”
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
This isn’t going to be an easy situation going forward.
But everyone needs to be on the same page when it comes to your kid’s health.
Good luck.