Every family is a little different from the one that lives next door, and with them comes family traditions.
But not everyone appreciates family memories and traditions, especially if that means they are not invited to take part.
One person discovered this recently on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor an_thrwwy broke the news to their girlfriend that she wouldn’t be able to be included in an important event because she wasn’t considered “family.”
When she was surprisingly angry about this, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they were missing something.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my girlfriend that she can’t be in a family photo at an upcoming wedding?”
The OP came from a large family.
“I come from a BIG but close family.”
“Just as an example: my grandmother has 15 siblings and she and grandpa had 12 children themselves.”
“We have like 8 weddings a year within the family.”
With that family came an important rule.
“More than a decade ago, my family made a rule: SO’s (significant others) can only be in family photos when the relationship has lasted a year.”
“This rule came to be after too many family photos were ‘ruined’ by exes being on there (yes, my family is dramatic like that).”
“And of course, after a year things can still go wrong and photos can still be ‘ruined,’ but at least it is less likely.”
The OP’s girlfriend had thoughts about this.
“I have been dating my GF for about 6 months and we are in a serious relationship.”
“One of my cousins is getting married soon, and she is invited as well.”
“When I told her about the rule, she found it absolutely ridiculous and was insulted for our relationship.”
“I told her we can still get a nice photo together and with my parents and siblings, but that she couldn’t be in the big family photo.”
“She was still p**sed and said that she wouldn’t come if I didn’t demand she be in the family photo.”
“The thing is that I generally believe in the rule, not because I doubt my relationship, but because I’ve seen that in general, it works.”
“AITA for not demanding she be in the family photo like she says?”
“Is the rule ridiculous?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some couldn’t believe the girlfriend demanded to be in the photo.
“Yeeeeah, this was my thought too.”
“‘She was still p**sed and said that she wouldn’t come if I didn’t demand she be in the family photo.'”
“It’s not OP’s wedding or OP’s photo. And his girlfriend says she won’t come to the wedding if he dosen’t make a scene and cause drama in the wedding by demanding his girlfriend be in the couple’s photos that the couple is paying for.”
“This is not a good look, Man. Feels like a red flag. If you don’t like drama, what sort of life do you have to look forward to with this one?” – TheHatOnTheCat
“Prove our 6-month romance is very serious and adulty by picking a fight with your entire family over my unreasonable demands!!”
“ETA: You don’t even love me, do you??” – EntirelyOutOfOptions
“I was put on a wedding invite once when I’d been dating the girl for 4mos, and honestly it kinda felt like a lot of commitment?”
“It was like another 4mos in the future, which was the whole amount of time we’d been together… and then we broke up a month after that, so yeah, glad she RSVP’d without me as her +1.”
“Waiting a year even to invite makes a lot more sense. And yeah I’ve seen people offended by that too (I went to a different wedding where someone brought a +1 who hadn’t been invited because they hadn’t been dating long and the girl insisted, it was awkward) but oh well.” – Ok-Statistician233
Others were concerned about the outlook of the OP’s relationship.
“I’m from a big family but no one dates around so we don’t have or need this rule.”
“As the girlfriend, she should step up to be the photographer (believe me when I say someone is needed to operate 6 or 7 smartphones because people don’t believe in email or the cloud?), and that is the way to make the cut past one year.” – davisyoung
“I get that she’s offended at the implication that they won’t ultimately go the distance, but sorry – professional wedding pictures are just too important.”
“Could a sibling get divorced after such pictures are taken, and their ex is in the professional pictures forevermore? Sure. Could this couple ultimately end up married for life, and then-wife – formerly GF – was the only one not included in the professional pictures? Sure. But without a crystal ball, I think the wedding couple is being reasonable.”
“At six months, this couple is likely still running on new relationship hormones. As serious as OP feels the relationship to be, they have to wait to see what happens when the newness wears off – and OP is wise enough to know that.”
“NTA.” – Pale_Cranberry1502
“I have an inkling that this might become one of the cases why the photo rule was set up in the first place.”
“Either OP and his girlfriend work this out or there is big trouble and drama ahead.” – DocSternau
Some encouraged the OP to not back down.
“I have been OP in this situation and backed down for the sake of my ex’s insistence and now years later regret it immensely.”
“Ex was an emotionally abusive person, and now whole family portraits containing some of the last photos of my remaining grandparent before she passed are ruined for me because he is in them.”
“I’m not saying OP’s GF is abusive, but I can understand and appreciate why this rule is in effect, and how difficult it can be not to give in to that demand. Don’t back down, OP!” – shannon_yo
“NTA. My family wouldn’t allow something like that until we were actually married. I think your girlfriend is the AH. She needs to simmer down. I wouldn’t want some stranger who may or may not be around in another 6 months in my wedding pictures either.”
“If she really loves you, she will totally understand. You guys are obviously young if you think six months, or even a year, is a long relationship.”
“This means you hopefully have a long and beautiful life together ahead of you and in 5 years you won’t even remember this. Or you’ll be split up, in which case your family was right.” – SouthernFriedAmy
The OP wanted to stand by their family’s rule, and the subReddit was ready to support that decision. Even if the relationship is serious and ready for the long haul, the girlfriend wasn’t right to demand to be a part of anything. And serving an ultimatum definitely isn’t a good look for a new relationship.