Introducing someone you’re dating to your family can be an important step in your relationship. If you’re on good terms with your family, you want to make sure your partner gets along with them too, right?
Redditor Southern-Bird-2951 doesn’t necessarily think so. The original poster (OP)’s husband doesn’t think her brother should bring his girlfriend around the family.
OP has sided with her husband in this dispute, but people are turning against them. This has OP questioning if they were really the ones wrong.
She decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit about her and her husband’s opinions.
And they enforce these opinions on the rest of the family.
“AITA for forbidding my brother bringing his gf in our family events because my husband doesn’t like it?”
How did everything go down?
“My husband is an extremely religious and traditional guy and he’s not a fan of couples introducing each other to family unless they’re ready to get married. He only met my family for the first time after our engagement and that’s when I met his as well.”
“I didn’t grow up like this but its truly something that does not bother me at all, or else I wouldn’t have married him.”
“My brother used to date a different girl every month for 2 years straight. My husband didn’t mind about my brother’s dating life but he’d flip out if anyone even thought of allowing my brother to let any of his flings visit family gatherings.”
“My brother wasn’t planning to but he got mad over how heated my husband was over this and told me over and over on who he chooses to bring over to family events is none of my husband’s business.”
“For the past 1.5 year, my brother has been dating this girl and they’re pretty serious. I’ve met her, so has my husband. She seems like a very nice and sweet person. They’ve also expressed how they may get engaged soon.”
“The drama had started during Xmas holidays. My husband and I told my parents that if they host Xmas in their house they better notify my brother that his gf is not invited.”
“My parents were mad we requested that, called us unreasonable but ended up following through. My brother wasn’t too pleased and he was mad on Xmas day that we didn’t include his gf.”
“I reminded him that once they make it official she will be allowed to come and it’s not personal against her. He was still mad and he said this is the last time this is happening.”
“Last weekend was my mom’s bday and due to the fact she’s spent her bday alone with my dad for two years straight she wanted to do something special this year and host a nice party.
“Before the party my husband reminded my mom of the no gf rule.”
“My mom flipped out at him and so did my dad and they told us we are being extreme with this and they have no right to dictate who enters their house in family events and that my brother’s gf will tag along whenever she wants whether we like it or not.”
“My brother ended up coming to the party with his gf and he acted like a champion for defeating my husband on this one. My husband was mad the entire night and wouldn’t speak to a soul.”
“Before we left he only told my brother ‘you must feel proud for acting like a c**t’. My entire family who was invited at my mom’s party was calling us TAs for having this rule in the first place.”
OP and her husband are being called out for this rule about not having girlfriends/boyfriends at family gatherings until they’re engaged. But her brother and parents think it’s absolutely ridiculous.
Is OP going too far with her husband’s ‘traditional’ rules?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for trying to ban her brother’s girlfriend from family parties by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While OP might just think that it’s better they follow her husband’s rules, she has no right to force them on anyone. Her parents are more than right to invite whoever they want to their house.
If OP and her husband don’t want to socialize with the brother’s girlfriend at a family gathering, that’s on them to refuse the invitation. But trying to not let the parents invite her in the first place is ludicrous.
The board was in agreement, and voted that OP and her husband were TA.
“YTA. Who the hell does your husband think he is to dictate who can or cannot come to a gathering that has nothing to do with him and he is not even hosting?”
“If you had a small and intimate dinner party at your own house, sure, the guest list might be more restricted. But this is a party for your mom in her house, and she has expressed that she wants the gf to be there.”
“It’s none of your husband’s (or yours) business who your brother brings along. If your husband doesn’t like it, he can stay home.” – Tiny_European
“Agreed. YTA. OP, You can’t force your (his) beliefs on others.”
“If he doesn’t like it he can stay home.” – usapeaches
“This. Freedom of religion means everyone gets to practice their own religion – NoT everyone forced to follow YOUR religious beliefs.” – Appropriate-Access88
“‘I reminded him that once they make it official she will be allowed to come’”
“My word, who do you and your husband think you are?”
“Of course YTA, both of you.”
“If something offends your husband HE should be the one staying away, not dictating who can and cant go to family gatherings!”
“And then your husband has the absolute nerve to call your brother a c**t?! What the actual f**k?”
“If I were a member of your family, I would stop inviting you and your husband to ANY party regardless of who else was going.” – CrunchyCookies51
“YTA – you choose who you invite if you’re the host but if you’re not the host then it’s not up to you, and you should be polite to all the other guests whether you approve or not.” – londonhousewife
“Bravo to ops parents FOR STANDING THEIR GROUND. Even the parents know they are TA” – NOTDA1
“YTA. You don’t dictate who the hosts invite to events. If you have a problem with the other guests you decline the invitation.”
“If you and your husband host family you can say your brother’s GF isn’t invited.” – Ok-Raspberry7884
“YTA why does your husband think he’s in charge of who your parents invite to their home?”
“You’ve respected his and his family’s preferences on meeting new people, he needs to learn to do the same. You don’t marry into a family and become its dictator.” – polychromiyeux
There was some discussion about the husband’s religion. This rule about not letting girlfriends come to family events is bizarre and seems strange even for someone so conservative.
But regardless of his religion, he doesn’t have the right to dictate others.
“So everyone around him must conform to his opinion? What makes him so special that he gets to dictate who someone else invites to their home?”
“YTA” – GLitterSparkleDevine
“His religion. He thinks he’s special because of sky daddy.” – paintingsbypatch
“Sky daddy! Every time someone tries to push their religion on me this is what I will refer to.”
“‘Ooh so sky daddy doesn’t like me being naughty’” – moralpolice1234
“Is he this controlling in other aspects of your life? Like you need to dress a certain way, or things must be done a certain way?” – Snarkandtea4me
“You know he absolutely does.” – Travelgrrl
“I believe that what you meant to open with is that your husband is extremely controlling and psychotic, religion and tradition have nothing to do with this.”
“He has brainwashed you into thinking this is ok behaviour at all. YTA but your husband is a bigger one.” – Hurts_dont_it_Steve
“YTA. Is this a joke? Did your husband reincarnate from the 1800s?”
“Neither of you have ANY RIGHT to tell your parents who they can and can’t invite into their home, especially if this person has done nothing to anyone besides exist and not be engaged. Y’all need to grow up.” – thekelsey21
“YTA your husband isn’t extremely religious. He’s just a pissy brat. How does this person make you happy?”
“He needs to learn how to be a big boy and leave situations. This was your mother’s birthday and he ruined it.”
“The both of you need to grow up before you alienate your entire family. If this is how any of my in-laws acted, they’d be out of the picture.”
“Zero tolerance in my family over people like you and your husband.” – Leabond
There isn’t much OP can complain about. She and her husband were jerks to try and control the rest of the family, and were rightly called out for it.