Teen pregnancy is a serious issue for many families. How those families handle it can impact the life of the pregnant teen and any children that may result from the pregnancy.
One father who felt he did everything right only felt anger and betrayal when he found out his daughter was pregnant. After lashing out at his daughter he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” subReddit for feedback.
“AITA for telling my wife that I don’t have to speak to our daughter until I feel comfortable?”
The Original Poster (OP) asked:
“Found out a couple days ago that our daughter (17) is pregnant. I was so angry that I just went numb and walked away.”
“I’ve never been so disappointed in my life. We used to be super close but I don’t even talk to her anymore.”
“Today my daughter came over to me while I was watching TV and asked if we were still watching the SuperBowl together.”
“I was going to ignore her, but I told her, ‘This is the last time I’m speaking to you because obviously everything I’ve been telling you over the years just goes in one ear and out the other’.”
“‘I’ve never been so disappointed in my life. I told you about safe sex, condoms, birth control’.”
“‘On top of that, you betrayed my trust. You used to tell me everything’.”
“‘I argued with your mother all those times about letting you go to your boyfriend’s house because I thought you were responsible and that you would come to me if anything happened. But I was wrong’.”
“‘So from now on, don’t talk to me ever again. Anything you want to talk to me about, go tell your mother and have her pass it on to me’.”
“Later, my wife comes into my den and asks what happened. I told her to ask her daughter.”
“She said she did but she couldn’t understand her because she was crying so much. I told her what I had said, and she got upset and said that I have to talk to her.”
“I told her ‘No, I already did. And I’m not talking to her again until I feel comfortable, and I don’t know when that might be. Maybe never’.”
“Our daughter told us she was pregnant not last Friday, but the Friday before that. Like I said I haven’t been speaking to my daughter since then, but my wife used to tell me what was going on until I told her to stop.”
“What I’ve been told:”
“▪︎The boyfriend wants to be a part of my daughter’s life and raise the baby.”
“▪︎His family is supportive.”
“▪︎My daughter and her boyfriend were practicing safe sex and using condoms, but he ‘ran out’ one day and they decided to use the pull-out method.”
“And that’s when I told my wife I didn’t want to hear any more.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
NTA – Not The A**hole
YTA – You’re The A**hole
NAH – No A**holes Here
ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were of one mind in their response.
“YTA. ‘I thought you were responsible and that you would come to me if anything happened’.”
“She did. You walked away.” ~ SweetPotatoFamished
“Yes this. She now knows that when dad said she could always come to him,that he didn’t really mean it.” ~ Wickedlove7
“My mom got pregnant when she was fourteen. This was in 1987 I believe, in a really small, super religious town in east Texas.”
“She was absolutely petrified to tell her strict military parents but one thing that always stuck with her (and me) was when she told her dad, fully expecting him to drop the hammer, he sat her down, put his hand on her leg, and said ‘we will get through this together’.”
“It was incredibly hard for them but she was forever bonded even closer to her dad because he was there for her when she needed it despite his feelings of disappointment and anger. That’s what it means to be a parent and that lesson has stayed with me generations later.”
“What you do now literally has an effect on how your own daughter will learn to parent too. A good lesson would be to come back to your daughter and admit that you should have handled that better, but you let your feelings overtake you and you should never have said what you said out of anger.”
“Then apologize and let her know that you will get through this together.”
“Obviously it’s okay to be mad, this will change your life too. It’s just not okay to take it out on your daughter who made a mistake and needs her dad.”
“Good luck to OP and his family. OP, YTA.” ~ deathany932
“YTA and you probably just ruined your marriage as well as your relationship with your child. Your daughter is probably terrified, your wife is trying to help her child, and you think the best thing is to create a whole new layer of drama and make the situation all about you.”
“You’re needed right now by the women in your life, and instead you’ve decided to be considerably worse than useless. Well done.”
“If you decide to opt out of your relationships, don’t expect to be able to opt back in when you get over yourself.” ~ deathany932
“OP YTA because he is making it about him. And his childish behavior is destroying the relationships with the women in his life right now.” ~ GrownTiffanyAching
“YTA. Right now you aren’t talking to her. Pretty soon it’s going to be her not talking to you.”
“Say goodbye to ever hearing her say ‘I love you Dad’. Say goodbye to being called Grandpa.”
“Say goodbye to walking her down the aisle. Say goodbye to her high school graduation. Say goodbye to any life changing big events in her life.”
“That’s your future if you can’t get over yourself.”
“She made a life changing decision. From what you are saying, you are making her life choices all about you and your feelings.”
“Boo hoo she didn’t trust you enough to tell you before her mother. You know, a woman who has actually been pregnant? Someone that she loves and trusts that has gone through all the emotions that come with growing a human inside of their body?”
“From your reaction it’s not hard to understand why she didn’t tell you before her mom.”
“You owe her a massive apology for your behavior. And it’s only going to be through her good graces if you ever have a relationship with her again.”
“Even if she does act more mature than you and accept your apology, your relationship will never be the same again.” ~ Llyndreth
“By the sound of this guy, it may be better for her in the long run.”
“Being a father doesn’t stop at ejaculation and this conditional love sh*t is corrosive and hurts like hell. She should protect her child from this a**hole.” ~ Disgruntled_Viking
“My father gave me the silent treatment and eventually disowned me in my teens because of my high school boyfriend’s race.”
“I moved out of state as soon as I could and cut him completely from my life, only for him to come crying and begging for forgiveness a few years down the line.”
“Nope. F’k him. I accepted his apology, but I do not have any love left in my heart for him.”
“I’m in my thirties now and I still can’t force myself to spend time with him or have more than a 5 minute conversation before I’m completely overwhelmed by negative emotion and need to get away from him.”
“I hope OP’s daughter doesn’t end up that way, for her own sake, but he certainly deserves the same treatment.” ~ Thebuffalosauce
While the OP is entitled to his feelings, how he acts on them can long-term consequences he may not want.
Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka and Metis Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. She considers herself another proud Maineiac. Her picture is from 1984 for purely Orwellian reasons.
