They say opposites attract.
And indeed, a sign of true love is falling head-over-heels in love with someone despite their differences.
That being said, some differences are so fundamental that they can’t be overlooked.
Often leading to tension in relationships.
The fiancée of Redditor epyoch recently moved in with him.
Upon moving in, she also brought her interior design aesthetic.
Something the original poster (OP) initially appreciated but came to like less and less over time.
Eventually leading to some tense exchanges between the OP and his fiancée.
Having some doubts about his behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH My (44 M[ale]) fiancée (43 F[emale]) filled our house with pink pillows despite knowing I hate the color, and now says my opinion no longer matters?”
The OP explained why his fiancée’s home design choices resulted in both of them seeing red, or in this case, seeing pink:
“I’m (44 M) a pretty simple guy.”
“I don’t try to make my bedroom this grandiose thing.”
“My style choice is making the bed so it looks nice and simple, with no extra fluff or decorative pillows.”
“When my fiancée (43 F[emale]) and I moved in together, she started putting some blue decorative pillows on the bed.”
“I have to admit, it wasn’t bad.”
“She asked me how I felt about it, and I told her honestly that I actually liked the changes.”
“She then asked, ‘What about pink pillows?'”
“I simply stated no.”
“There are really only two colors I don’t like as decor: pink and yellow.”
“Pink because I’ve just never been a fan of that shade, and yellow because it triggers a very bad childhood memory for me.”
“This conversation happened 3 years ago, and over the years, she would occasionally make comments about it, so I know she never forgot my stance.”
“The Issue A few weeks ago, she bought a bunch of pink pillows for the bedroom and the living room.”
“It bothered me to no end.”
“I figured I’d try to just get used to it, so I decided not to bring it up.”
“Lately, I haven’t really been hanging out in the living room or the bedroom as I used to.”
“Instead, I’ve been retreating to the only room in the house that isn’t completely turning pink: the garage, which we semi-converted into a second living room.”
“It still has 2 pink pillows, but that beats the 6 in the main living room and the 4 in the bedroom.”
“The Confrontation. For some necessary context: We’ve been getting into fights almost every weekend lately.”
“I will say or do something stupid, and she will go off on me, saying things like, ‘You don’t let me be a person’.”
“Because of this, I’ve been trying really, really hard to hold my tongue when I have issues with her and just be supportive.”
“Yesterday, she noticed my withdrawal to the garage and explicitly asked for my opinion on the new decor.”
“Because she asked directly, I didn’t feel like lying.”
“I told her the truth: I absolutely hate the pink in the living room and the bedroom.”
“She went off on me again, repeating that I am ‘not letting her be a person’, and explicitly told me that she has decided my opinion no longer matters.”
“I tried to keep the peace and just avoid the rooms, but when asked directly, I answered honestly. How should I handle this?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found very little sympathy from the Reddit community, nor did the OP’s fiancée.
Everyone agreed that pink pillows were not the main issue at hand, but felt there were much deeper issues at hand, with many wondering if they were sustainable as a couple:
“ESH.”
“Y’all got bigger problems than the pillows.”- pottersquash
“‘We’ve been getting into fights almost every weekend lately.’
“I think the pink pillow club is just the tip of the iceberg, and there are some deep underlying issues underneath the surface.”
“ESH for taking frustrations out in petty squabbles, rather than talking and working things out like a long-term relationship should.”- SugarCrisp7
“ESH.”
“She shouldn’t have tried to bulldoze you and make decisions about decor unilaterally.”
“You, on the other hand – 6 pink pillows on a sofa is enough to make you not want to sit in a room?”
“Are you serious?”
“Do either of you even like each other?”- beththereader
“ESH.”
“If this were a healthy, stable relationship, this wouldn’t even be an issue.”
“You’d have made decisions together and compromised to have colours and things you both like.”
“It sounds like you guys need to talk about whatever the actual issue is or call it quits.”
“This is clearly about much more than some stupid pillows.”- Leigeofgoblins
“‘my fiancée’.”
“Oh, good – you are not married yet!”
“Don’t get married until you can figure out how to act and communicate like adults … or break up.”
“ESH.”
“Actual adults communicate and compromise.”
“Maybe have one room where she can decorate, but others where it remains ‘2 yes, or it is a no’.”
“Or you could be petty and put a bunch of things she hates or is afraid of and put them all around the house.”
“Not serious with that one – you should break up if you cannot communicate.”- txa1265
“ESH.”
“Neither of you should have unilateral decision-making power over the decor.”
“Compromise, maybe no pink in the garage or bedroom, but some is okay in the living room?”
“Your fiancé shouldn’t dismiss your opinion, but I think it’s extremely dramatic that you won’t use a room because of the color of the throw pillows.”
“You both sound passive-aggressive and like bad communicators.”- rathrowawydsabldsib
“ESH, but you more.”
“The sulking over a COLOR GTFO.”
“It she was assaulting you with yellow, your trauma color, I’d give it to you.”
“But ‘I just don’t like the shade’ and can’t be in a room over a few pillows?'”
“It’s actually insane.”
“What do you do at the park when you see flowers of that abysmal hue?”
“She sucks too, though.”
“She knows she’s with someone neurotic about color and is pushing it.”
“The reason you suck more is that there is no way this is the only ‘I don’t like it so you can’t’ on your list.”
“I’ll bet that is the crux of the ‘stupid’ stuff you say every weekend and end up fighting over.”
“That would make the ‘not letting her be a person’ comment make much more sense.”
“This cannot all actually be able pillows.”
“Why would either of you choose to be in a relationship where you fight every weekend?”
“And over something as silly as pillows?”- Own-League-7473
There were others, however, who could sympathize with the OP’s fiancée, but not with the OP:
“You lost me at ‘my bedroom’ when you obviously share your bedroom with your fiancée.”
“YTA.”- Beginning-Lab-3877
The OP later returned with an update, clarifying certain things about their relationship and how they planned to move forward:
“We finally sat down and really talked about everything that is going on, and we got to the root of the issue.”
“…she moved down here from Alaska right before COVID hit.”
“Because of the lockdowns, she missed out on that crucial window when you move to a new place to go out, see things, and meet people.”
“As a result, her mental state regarding living down here is almost entirely negative.”
“She doesn’t have any actual friends locally.”
“Honestly, I don’t either anymore, because my own friend group kind of exploded shortly after she moved down.”
“Because of this isolation, she has placed a lot of the blame on me for the move—even though it was a mutual decision we made…”
“The reality is that the underlying trigger for our weekend fights, regardless of how small the actual inciting incident is, comes from the fact that she is profoundly unhappy living here.”
“She is only staying because the three kids have established their lives here in the Peoria area.”
“She misses hanging out with her friends, going shopping, and constantly changing up the decoration and furniture in the house like she used to do up north.”
“When I pushed back on the pink pillows, she saw my color restrictions as me trying to take away the very last thing she does that actually brings her joy.”
“I explained to her that I am absolutely not trying to take away her joy.”
“She explained that the pink is just temporary, and what she really needs is the freedom to change the colors of the living room and bedroom with more frequency, rather than our standard ‘no changes until Christmas’ routine.”
“Now that I understand what this actually represents for her, I agreed to find room in our budget to make that happen.”
It’s clear that the OP’s fiancée is dealing with a lot and finding ways to help her
It seems the OP now understands this, and they might find a way to make it work for both of them.
One hopes this might also help the OP’s fiancée find a happier life outside of the house.