People seem to have a lot of thoughts about the number of kids someone has. Whether they’re upset women decide not to have any, or they seem to have too many, there is no way to please everyone.
But, at the end of the day, unless you are the one giving birth to said kids, it is none of your business.
Redditor hubstobe encountered this very issue with his fiancée’s sister. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for calling my fiancées sister an idiot for her rude comments about the number of siblings I have?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“To start, I got 8 other siblings (9 of us in total). Two of my brothers are biological and the rest are foster siblings but we’re all very close, to me they’re my real family so I don’t really introduce them as anything other than my brothers/sisters.”
“I’m getting married in a few months and all my brothers are going to be my groomsmen. While sisters were asked by my fiancée to be her bridesmaids.”
“My fiancée’s sister Kate is someone we don’t talk to much but still her parents convinced her to let Kate be part of it.”
“Recently our families met up for a bbq at our place and this is the first time her family meets mine. Well, except her parents since they couldn’t make it. I introduced my siblings to everyone.”
OP’s future sister-in-law was not very respectful.
“Some point when we were talking to her sister she says ‘Your parents seriously had 9 kids?’ She said it with so much disgust. She seemed really mad about it.”
“I told her yes and Kate goes about how she thinks my parents were selfish and reckless for ‘never figuring out how to use a condom,’ and ‘don’t they know how stupid they are for having so many kids when there’s already overpopulation?'”
“Part of me found it funny but also very annoyed for thinking that’s something she even thought was okay to say about people she just met.”
“So, I told her they were foster parents and only two of my brothers are biologically related, not that it’s any of her business to critique other people’s lives.”
OP’s sister-in-law was remorseful.
“She looked embarrassed and apologized but then she got mad.”
“Kate says well that’s something I could’ve mentioned so to avoid her saying the wrong thing . And I told her how about next time she just doesn’t say anything at all and avoid looking like an idiot.”
“My fiancée laughed a little but Kate got mad. She walked off and made a comment to my fiancée’s other sister and cousin about what I said.”
“They know the context but still think I was an asshole because Kate was just bringing awareness to what she thought was something bad and it wasn’t necessary to call her names.”
“She doesn’t want to talk to me now and while that doesn’t bother me at all, I do wonder was I an a**hole at all for doing that?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were conflicted about who was at fault.
“Kate was just bringing awareness to what she thought was something bad.”
“Who asked her? Your parents don’t need her permission. Also, if they were biological, what are you supposed to do — shove them all back up your mother? ‘Get back in there, Linda. Kate says you don’t deserve to be alive.'” ~ Squinky75
“Put that thing where it came from, or so help me!” ~ SnowySheep9
“Also, weren’t you also just bringing attention to something you thought was bad, judging people and disparaging them before having all the details?”
“Why is that any different?” ~ areodjarekput
“Also, what an incredibly naive thing to say — the idea that the world is overpopulated is highly subjective. There are many experts who believe that there are more than enough resources to support the number of humans we have, it’s the distribution of these resources that’s the problem.”
“Additionally, ‘overpopulation’ is used interchangeably with ‘overconsumption,’ which is a different issue.” ~ TheFireflies
“Yeah blame the corporations, not people. This bullshit tends to border on classism (because poor people tend to have a lot of kids) and a kind of eugenics. It’s just not a substantiated argument.” ~ bahuranee
“Plus who cares if they were all biological? It’s not Kate’s place to judge them for having nine kids. Unless she’s pushing them out or putting them in it’s none of her business.” ~ Momonthecoast
It’s none of her business.
“Exactly! And as someone who is one of 9 full biological siblings, who’s to say the parents didn’t use various forms of birth control that failed. It’s not the SIL business either way.” ~ BeautifulAd7709
“I was just going to make the BC comment! I have a friend that accidentally got pregnant her senior year of college.”
“She was with her hs sweetheart and they had planned to wed right after college anyway… fast forward 10 years, despite their best efforts, vasectomy, tubes tied, Depo, etc., etc., they managed to still have 4 more pregnancies.”
“The math would lead you to believe they have five kids buts two of the pregnancies were multiple births, 1 twin the other triplets. So all in all they have 8 gorgeous happy healthy kids that they love immensely, none of them were planned!!!” ~ mprice76
“Yep. Got a family friend who is the eldest of 5 – her, then twins.”
“Then her dad got a vasectomy and then two years later, mom was prego again -with another set of twins.”
“They were dad’s (not that everybody and their brother didn’t accuse her of cheating – except dad, so he gets the good guy award). Dad’s sperm count? EIGHT. Yep. EIGHT.”
“Where anything under 15 MILLION per mL is considered low, and anything under 1 million is considered infertile, dad got mom pregnant with a count of EIGHT.”
“Mom had her tubes removed -not tied, removed completely – when the second set we’re delivered. The kicker – they were fraternal. Yep, TWO of those eight suckers did the job. Some people are just hyper fertile.”
“My friend? Had her tubes removed after she had twins the first time through. She said she wasn’t going to risk it… And they practically had to threaten to sue the doctor to get him to do it, but that’s another story.” ~ Sashi-Dice
OP did the right thing by standing up for his family.