A person’s weight is a delicate matter to discuss.
It can cause a lot of discourse among friends and loved ones.
Some people use a person’s weight as a weapon.
It can be very hurtful to try to blame things like minor accidents on a person’s body size.
Redditor FiguringItOutThisWay wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to reimburse my friend for a chair that broke under me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale] 25) was at a friend’s house for a game night this past weekend with a group of about 6.”
“Everyone brought food and drinks, and we were having a good time, when about halfway through the night, I got up to use the bathroom.”
“When I came back, I saw that one of the girls had moved from a chair to the side of my space on the couch.”
“This didn’t bug me as people shuffle around in groups, so whatever.”
“The chair was an antique wooden chair that sat a bit lower to the ground with an added back/butt cushion.”
“When I sat down, it immediately broke, sending me to the ground with the seat under me and the arm frames falling to the side.”
“Everyone got quiet for a second before jumping up to help me.”
“I wasn’t hurt, just very embarrassed.”
“For context, I’m a bigger girl, about 260 pounds at 5 feet 7 inches.”
“My friend (F 27) was very gracious and nice about it when it happened, accepting my apologies and telling me not to worry.”
“Her B[oy]fF[iend] (M[ale] 29) said that the chair was his grandmother’s and it had fallen apart before, and he was able to repair it.”
“I was ushered back to the couch, and game night continued.”
“Fast forward to the next morning, I received a text from my friend who let me know that the chair couldn’t be put back together, and that from her research it would cost about $250 to get a new one, but she’d let me know exactly how much when she found one.”
“I was a bit taken aback and responded confused, asking why I would be expected to pay for a faulty chair.”
“She said that while yes, on occasion the frames would become unattached and cause it to fall apart, but that that’s not what happened this time.”
“She sent me pictures of the broken chair, particularly a bent support and 2 other broken supports.”
“She said that the chair broke under my weight and couldn’t be fixed, and since the chair was an antique from her boyfriend’s late grandmother, she wanted a new one for him.”
“I responded that the chair was very old and had a history of collapsing.”
“If they were concerned about preserving it, they should not have had it out for people to use, and $250+ for a chair I sat in for 1 second seems a bit ridiculous.”
“At this point, she seemingly got frustrated, and said that she loves me but that I’m her ‘biggest friend’ and that it wouldn’t have happened to anyone else.”
“She said: ‘It broke from your weight plopping down all at once, not because the frame was loose. I think it’s only fair you reimburse us for the chair since you’re responsible for breaking it.'”
“I’m still figuring out how to respond.”
“I don’t want to pay her for something I don’t see as being completely my fault.”
“I also think she’s using the scenario to shame me about my weight a bit, which I find frustrating.”
“My friends’ opinions are mixed.”
“A few are saying that I should just pay her and move on, even if it’s not exactly my fault.”
“One thinks it is my fault and I should pay up, and a few more think she’s in the wrong for asking, and I should continue to politely decline.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for refusing to pay?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“The person who moved from the chair to the couch broke it…”
“You were the ‘fall guy,’ literally.”
“Do NOT pay.”
“These people are using you to replace a chair that was already broken.” ~ Big_Bookkeeper1678
“If a chair has a history of breaking, it’s unsafe to have guests unknowingly sit on it.”
“What if it breaks the way it ‘usually’ does and the person sitting on it is injured??”
“Bad hosts. NTA.” ~ silkandlinen
“This is exactly what I think too.”
“They just happen to know it’ll be $250 to replace an old a** chair? Bulls**t.”
“Also, if that happened to someone at my house, as a host, I would be mortified and overly apologetic to my guest.”
“And I damn sure wouldn’t ask them to pay me for it!”
“Horrific manners on the hosts’ part.”
“Plus, I bet the girl who moved out of the chair before OP sat in it is the one who actually broke it and was hoping someone else would sit there so she didn’t catch the blame. NTA.” ~ Blindtothesided
“As a former antique furniture restorer, unless the wood fell into small pieces, the chair would most likely be repairable.”
“Wood glues are stronger than the wood itself; there is also hardware that can increase the strength of joints in a very discrete manner.”
‘It’s crazy that they are asking you to pay for a new chair when the chair had fallen apart previously.”
“If they valued the chair, they wouldn’t have put it out for guests to use.”
“OP, I’m almost positive that your back and neck are going to hurt from that jolt when you hit the ground.” ~ IndependentSeesaw498
“I had a dinner party with about 10 people a couple of years ago, and one guest happened to knock over a ceramic dish that had been a wedding gift from a dear family friend who’s like a third grandma to me.”
“But it was an accident.”
“I wasn’t upset.”
“She was apologizing, and I was apologizing for leaving it in a precarious place, and we just cleaned it up, and that was it.”
“She actually brought a beautiful replacement the next time she came over, but it was just a sweet gesture on her part, NOT expected or demanded.”
“Accidents happen.”
“If you want to make sure something doesn’t get damaged when guests come over, put it somewhere they won’t go.”
“Do not have them literally sit on it.” ~ always_unplugged
“I was thinking the same thing; if OP had been injured, she could easily sue their housing insurance for damages.”
“When guests are in your house (correct me if I’m wrong), I believe you are responsible for their safety.”
“Even if they are being stupid, which OP was not.”
“My parents have a chair like this, it is ancient, and hand-needlepointed.”
“It is never set out for guests to use, and we all know to stop someone if they go to sit on it because it would break if a child sat on it.”
“OP is definitely NTA.” ~ StupidandAsking
“I don’t think OP should pay, but even if the argument is made that she should reimburse, it would be for the value of the chair and not a new replacement.”
“Antique usually does not mean valuable; it means old.”
“I can’t imagine the value of an old, previously broken, and pieced-back-together chair to be more than $5.” ~ vegasbywayofLA
“Yep, this is the way.”
“Sitting in a chair that is out for guests is not something extraordinary.”
“Most homeowners would be more worried about being SUED than replacing a freaking KNOWN RICKETY chair.”
“Plus, you have witnesses that heard them say the chair has been broken and repaired before—you would likely win a lawsuit: They KNOW YOU, they left an old, broken, and repaired chair out for guests—including you—so obviously they felt the chair was safe for all guests.”
“They can’t turn around and now say that it was ‘only for guests 130 lbs and under’ AFTER it broke.”
“They didn’t warn you about the chair; you could have been seriously injured.”
“DO NOT PAY, you owe them NOTHING!!!” ~ Candid_Jellyfish_240
“If I were OP, I’d be petty and reply something like ‘my insurance company is asking for the name and number of your homeowners policy so they can get reimbursement for the doctor’s visit to check my neck/back pain.'”
“‘As you know, a fall like that can cause hidden injuries…’”
“But, yes, the friendship probably wouldn’t survive that, but it may be moot at this point since the friend is being really ungracious.” ~ TrainerHonest2695
“If I broke something at a friend’s house, I’d offer to pay for it.”
“If a friend broke something at my house, I’d decline their offer to pay.”
“I’m not sure which is correct, so I’m not passing judgment on who’s TA.”
“I agree that they shouldn’t have had it out where people could sit on it, especially since it had both sentimental and intrinsic value, and was not in good repair.” ~ catsaway9
“NTA. I wouldn’t dream of charging a friend for a chair that broke under them.”
“And while 250lb (113kg for us metric folk) is heavy, it shouldn’t be chair-breaking heavy.”
“Overweight men supersede that easily.”
“Hell, a light adult putting a child on their lap would supersede that.”
“Your friend is extremely rude.”
“Delicate antique chairs should be put to the side, not set out at dinner parties.” ~ angels-and-insects
“It’s not your fault at all.”
“By her own admission, the chair has broken in the past, and it’s very old.”
“Tell her you’re having neck and back pain from the fall and that you’re considering getting a lawyer.”
“This friendship is toast, whatever happens.”
“Don’t pay anything.” ~ JoeLefty500
“Normally, I feel like if you break something at someone else’s house, you are responsible for replacing it.”
“However, in this case, they knew it had a history of breaking and still provided it for you to use, also knowing that you are the heaviest member of the group.”
“I don’t think you owe them a dime.” ~ Conscious-Shoulder14
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your friends weren’t concerned when it happened.
The chair was faulty.
If you care about preserving this relationship, maybe offer a percentage of the cost toward a new chair.
Or, you can just move on.
Good Luck.