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Redditor Called Out For Mentioning Friend’s Past Engagement In Front Of Her Unaware Fiancé

Embarrassed woman looking through her fingers
Deagreez/Getty Images

It seems like we’ve all had at least one person in our lives who was jealous of us or who really wanted to see us fail.

And sometimes, they made that super obvious, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Looking at their friend and new fiancé, Redditor No-Expression-163 was curious about how much their friend had shared with her partner about her past.

Though their friend assured them she had told her fiancé everything he needed to know, the Original Poster (OP) made a joke with the fiancé that revealed much more.

They asked the sub:

“AITA for mentioning a friend’s past engagement in front of her unaware fiancé?”

The OP questioned their friend’s past.

“About ten years ago my friend, Deb, who was 17 and working fast food, had a manager (38ish?).”

“As soon as she turned 18, he started dating her, and two months later proposed to her.”

“Now, if you ask Deb, she’ll say she didn’t understand it qualified as dating as she hadn’t dated before and her parents were hardcore addicts, so she didn’t have people to talk to about this.”

“She said yes to the proposal because she feared losing her job but also just wanted to get out of her home life.”

The OP was skeptical of how their friend talked about their past.

“Deb said she liked the feeling of having someone care about her but she never liked her manager.”

“Personally, I think this is just her being too ashamed to admit she was going to marry a much older dude and is looking for excuses to make up for it.”

“Before their wedding, she called things off and said she never wanted to talk about it, because she felt so disgusted and ashamed of that relationship.”

The OP compared their friend’s past with their present.

“Life went on and I’d say Deb’s life has improved a lot.”

“She’s engaged again with a guy a year younger than her, which I think is pretty funny.”

“I’ve asked if he knows about her relationship with her manager, and she says he knows what she’s comfortable with sharing.”

The OP took it upon themselves to bring the past up.

“I guess her current fiancé didn’t know she had said yes when proposed to, he just knew her manager had proposed to her.”

“I spilled the beans during a joke I made. I said, why didn’t she just use her previous engagement ring and save her boyfriend some cash?”

“Everything was pretty awkward after that.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some were disgusted by the OP making jokes about Deb’s former abusive relationship.

“She’s in a relationship with someone her age, isn’t that funny? Oh my god, I’m laughing my godd**n a** off at the thought of this. They’re the same age, just f**king imagine!”

“Please, someone, get help, this is so funny, I can barely breathe anymore. The only thing funnier than this is a 17-year-old with drugged-up parents getting groomed by an authority person more than double her age! I’m sitting here full belly laughing at the thought of it.”

“Like, she took the chance to get away from her addict parents only to fall into the hands of a completely f**ked up guy in his late 30s going for minors! I’m f**king wheezing.”

“Man, what’s OP got up their sleeve next? They’re gonna burst out laughing at someone’s funeral because it’s just so funny they died before their parents? Maybe there’s some sexual assault case that OP will find pretty funny.”

“Jesus tapdancing Ch***t.” – snorting_dandelions

“The OP’s phrasing in this post implies an ongoing relationship, not a previous one. The OP is trying to stir s**t up.”

“It sounds like the OP isn’t just okay with sexual assault, child abuse, workplace harassment, and grooming… but also doesn’t want Deb to be happy, either.” – ConfusionPossible590

YTA. The only thing the OP is finding funny is their friend’s obvious discomfort. I’m also getting heavy envy vibes from the way this post is worded, like, they knew they could potentially sabotage their friend’s future but decided to push it for a reaction.”

“Heck, they even questioned their friend as to how much about this situation her fiancé knew before making their so-called joke, and then went in for the kill.”

“OP’s friend needs to ditch her quick smart as this won’t get any better. OP is definitely TA here, and given the degree of vindictiveness shown here, potentially a dangerous one.” – Chance-Monk-7130

“OP comparing her so-called friend (OP is certainly NOT a friend to that poor girl) being groomed by a predator in a position of authority when she was underage and he was nearly FORTY to OP being engaged to a grown man merely a year younger than her in her late 20s is beyond infuriating.”

“YTA, but ‘a**hole’ does not even begin to cover it.” – Alarmed_Jellyfish555

“Maaaajor YTA. Not even a close call…”

“OP, why would you joke about something you know is embarrassing for your ‘friend’? And yes, I put the quotation marks on purpose because I really think you cannot call yourself a friend and make horrible jokes about someone’s past and insult them in the process.”

“Your friend sounds like she has had a hard life with those parents and ex. Who wouldn’t want to get away from that?” – Pollythepony1993

“Even if the relationship wasn’t abusive, the OP is still TA. She explicitly told OP that she didn’t want it brought up ever again and that she didn’t disclose everything to her fiancé.”

“That was a terrible ‘joke’ and a betrayal of confidentiality. YTA.” – folk_art_faerie

“I kind of think OP is bummed that the underdog with a messed up life is doing good now. OP can not get over the fact that they won’t be able to look down upon the friend anymore.”

“YTA, OP. A huge one. You are pathetic and have zero empathy for someone who had a difficult life.” – Apart-Ad-6048

“The OP’s like, ‘And then I pretended I didn’t know he didn’t know, even though I’d asked and she said she had not told him everything.'”

“So the AH, OP.”

“And then the OP’s like, ‘Well, she’s really just embarrassed because he was an older dude (let me just dismiss the abusive childhood and her explaining to me that led to her not understanding how relationships work vs abuse)…”

“Definitely AH, OP.”

“That’s 100% on all counts. YTA.”

“Let her be happy in her life and stop trying to sabotage it. Just go climb in a hole somewhere and leave her alone forever, please. She doesn’t need more toxicity in her life.” – mayfeelthis

Others agreed and said Deb seriously deserved better friends.

“My eyebrows went up when I read the part about Deb ‘looking for excuses.'”

“There’s one thing to let it accidentally slip, but her friend has already said that they don’t want to talk about it, that their fiancé knows what they’re comfortable sharing, and yet despite all this, OP deliberately brought it up to the fiancé?”

“YTA.” – medievals**t

“The OP definitely gives off major ‘I’m so jealous of her’ vibes.” – EmotionalAttention63

“What a terrible friend. It was clear she wasn’t in a good place when she was younger and OP seems like they can’t stop talking about it and feels the need to hold it over their friend’s head at all times.”

“I can imagine them telling everybody all the time, ‘Oh yes, she’s doing fine now, but did you know she was engaged at 18 to her manager, OMG, crazy. Yeah, her parents were addicts, can you believe it?'”

“How dare the friend be happy without everybody knowing of her past trauma. YTA.” – _nerdofprey_

“Leave this woman alone. Forever. She’d be better off without someone in her life who thinks her abusive past is funny. YTA.” – Aylauria

“‘She’s just ashamed to admit she was going to marry a much older guy.’ Bloody h**l, victim-blaming a victim of abuse who was groomed, and OP calls herself their friend?!”

“I’d hate to see what horrors OP brings on people she admits to disliking.” – AnyKindheartedness88

“OP made that joke specifically to out their own ‘friend’ about an abusive relationship that carries significant trauma to this day in that friend’s life. What a sucky person.”

“OP, you are no friend, you’re the evil witch waiting with bated breath to try and ruin things for someone who’s been through enough because you’re sad, lonely, and jealous. Work on yourself. YTA.” – cardamom808

“Some of these comments are giving OP way too much credit, I don’t think she risked potentially sabotaging her friend’s future for a reaction, I believe that was the point.”

“OP clearly despises this poor woman. She was hoping it would cause problems. She sounds like she feeds off of it. F**king emotional vampires.” – GaiasDotter

“OP is not a very kind person. OP’s friend was scared and young and felt forced to marry a much older man. Hahaha! That’s something to bring up and make the friend feel worse about, right?”

“This friend needs to cut OP off. She needs to have enough self-worth to know OP is not someone she should have in her life.” – crystallz2000

The subReddit was left crossing their fingers that Deb would end this friendship soon, as it was clear that the OP was not a true friend.

Whether they were interested in drama and liked seeing Deb fail, or if they were jealous about something, like Deb being engaged twice, the OP clearly did not have Deb’s best interest at heart.

Given her hard past, the subReddit agreed she deserved to have the most loving people with her on her wedding day and beyond, the OP was just not it.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit