It seems like we've all had at least one person in our lives who was jealous of us or who really wanted to see us fail.
And sometimes, they made that super obvious, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Looking at their friend and new fiancé, Redditor No-Expression-163 was curious about how much their friend had shared with her partner about her past.
Though their friend assured them she had told her fiancé everything he needed to know, the Original Poster (OP) made a joke with the fiancé that revealed much more.
They asked the sub:
"AITA for mentioning a friend's past engagement in front of her unaware fiancé?"
The OP questioned their friend's past.
"About ten years ago my friend, Deb, who was 17 and working fast food, had a manager (38ish?)."
"As soon as she turned 18, he started dating her, and two months later proposed to her."
"Now, if you ask Deb, she'll say she didn't understand it qualified as dating as she hadn't dated before and her parents were hardcore addicts, so she didn't have people to talk to about this."
"She said yes to the proposal because she feared losing her job but also just wanted to get out of her home life."
The OP was skeptical of how their friend talked about their past.
"Deb said she liked the feeling of having someone care about her but she never liked her manager."
"Personally, I think this is just her being too ashamed to admit she was going to marry a much older dude and is looking for excuses to make up for it."
"Before their wedding, she called things off and said she never wanted to talk about it, because she felt so disgusted and ashamed of that relationship."
The OP compared their friend's past with their present.
"Life went on and I'd say Deb's life has improved a lot."
"She's engaged again with a guy a year younger than her, which I think is pretty funny."
"I've asked if he knows about her relationship with her manager, and she says he knows what she's comfortable with sharing."
The OP took it upon themselves to bring the past up.
"I guess her current fiancé didn't know she had said yes when proposed to, he just knew her manager had proposed to her."
"I spilled the beans during a joke I made. I said, why didn't she just use her previous engagement ring and save her boyfriend some cash?"
"Everything was pretty awkward after that."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were disgusted by the OP making jokes about Deb's former abusive relationship.
"She's in a relationship with someone her age, isn't that funny? Oh my god, I'm laughing my godd**n a** off at the thought of this. They're the same age, just f**king imagine!"
"Please, someone, get help, this is so funny, I can barely breathe anymore. The only thing funnier than this is a 17-year-old with drugged-up parents getting groomed by an authority person more than double her age! I'm sitting here full belly laughing at the thought of it."
"Like, she took the chance to get away from her addict parents only to fall into the hands of a completely f**ked up guy in his late 30s going for minors! I'm f**king wheezing."
"Man, what's OP got up their sleeve next? They're gonna burst out laughing at someone's funeral because it's just so funny they died before their parents? Maybe there's some sexual assault case that OP will find pretty funny."
"Jesus tapdancing Ch***t." - snorting_dandelions
"The OP's phrasing in this post implies an ongoing relationship, not a previous one. The OP is trying to stir s**t up."
"It sounds like the OP isn't just okay with sexual assault, child abuse, workplace harassment, and grooming... but also doesn't want Deb to be happy, either." - ConfusionPossible590
"YTA. The only thing the OP is finding funny is their friend's obvious discomfort. I'm also getting heavy envy vibes from the way this post is worded, like, they knew they could potentially sabotage their friend's future but decided to push it for a reaction."
"Heck, they even questioned their friend as to how much about this situation her fiancé knew before making their so-called joke, and then went in for the kill."
"OP's friend needs to ditch her quick smart as this won't get any better. OP is definitely TA here, and given the degree of vindictiveness shown here, potentially a dangerous one." - Chance-Monk-7130
"OP comparing her so-called friend (OP is certainly NOT a friend to that poor girl) being groomed by a predator in a position of authority when she was underage and he was nearly FORTY to OP being engaged to a grown man merely a year younger than her in her late 20s is beyond infuriating."
"YTA, but 'a**hole' does not even begin to cover it." - Alarmed_Jellyfish555
"Maaaajor YTA. Not even a close call…"
"OP, why would you joke about something you know is embarrassing for your 'friend'? And yes, I put the quotation marks on purpose because I really think you cannot call yourself a friend and make horrible jokes about someone's past and insult them in the process."
"Your friend sounds like she has had a hard life with those parents and ex. Who wouldn't want to get away from that?" - Pollythepony1993
"Even if the relationship wasn't abusive, the OP is still TA. She explicitly told OP that she didn't want it brought up ever again and that she didn't disclose everything to her fiancé."
"That was a terrible 'joke' and a betrayal of confidentiality. YTA." - folk_art_faerie
"I kind of think OP is bummed that the underdog with a messed up life is doing good now. OP can not get over the fact that they won't be able to look down upon the friend anymore."
"YTA, OP. A huge one. You are pathetic and have zero empathy for someone who had a difficult life." - Apart-Ad-6048
"The OP's like, 'And then I pretended I didn't know he didn't know, even though I'd asked and she said she had not told him everything.'"
"So the AH, OP."
"And then the OP's like, 'Well, she's really just embarrassed because he was an older dude (let me just dismiss the abusive childhood and her explaining to me that led to her not understanding how relationships work vs abuse)…"
"Definitely AH, OP."
"That's 100% on all counts. YTA."
"Let her be happy in her life and stop trying to sabotage it. Just go climb in a hole somewhere and leave her alone forever, please. She doesn't need more toxicity in her life." - mayfeelthis
Others agreed and said Deb seriously deserved better friends.
"My eyebrows went up when I read the part about Deb 'looking for excuses.'"
"There's one thing to let it accidentally slip, but her friend has already said that they don't want to talk about it, that their fiancé knows what they're comfortable sharing, and yet despite all this, OP deliberately brought it up to the fiancé?"
"YTA." - medievals**t
"The OP definitely gives off major 'I'm so jealous of her' vibes." - EmotionalAttention63
"What a terrible friend. It was clear she wasn't in a good place when she was younger and OP seems like they can't stop talking about it and feels the need to hold it over their friend's head at all times."
"I can imagine them telling everybody all the time, 'Oh yes, she's doing fine now, but did you know she was engaged at 18 to her manager, OMG, crazy. Yeah, her parents were addicts, can you believe it?'"
"How dare the friend be happy without everybody knowing of her past trauma. YTA." - _nerdofprey_
"Leave this woman alone. Forever. She'd be better off without someone in her life who thinks her abusive past is funny. YTA." - Aylauria
"'She's just ashamed to admit she was going to marry a much older guy.' Bloody h**l, victim-blaming a victim of abuse who was groomed, and OP calls herself their friend?!"
"I'd hate to see what horrors OP brings on people she admits to disliking." - AnyKindheartedness88
"OP made that joke specifically to out their own 'friend' about an abusive relationship that carries significant trauma to this day in that friend's life. What a sucky person."
"OP, you are no friend, you're the evil witch waiting with bated breath to try and ruin things for someone who's been through enough because you're sad, lonely, and jealous. Work on yourself. YTA." - cardamom808
"Some of these comments are giving OP way too much credit, I don't think she risked potentially sabotaging her friend's future for a reaction, I believe that was the point."
"OP clearly despises this poor woman. She was hoping it would cause problems. She sounds like she feeds off of it. F**king emotional vampires." - GaiasDotter
"OP is not a very kind person. OP's friend was scared and young and felt forced to marry a much older man. Hahaha! That's something to bring up and make the friend feel worse about, right?"
"This friend needs to cut OP off. She needs to have enough self-worth to know OP is not someone she should have in her life." - crystallz2000
The subReddit was left crossing their fingers that Deb would end this friendship soon, as it was clear that the OP was not a true friend.
Whether they were interested in drama and liked seeing Deb fail, or if they were jealous about something, like Deb being engaged twice, the OP clearly did not have Deb's best interest at heart.
Given her hard past, the subReddit agreed she deserved to have the most loving people with her on her wedding day and beyond, the OP was just not it.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.