Redditor wdngthrowaway456 is 19 and is the middle sibling out of five.
She is very protective of one of her younger sisters, "Diana," who had been in a car accident that left her severely injured.
The Redditor was blamed for creating drama in the family after her soon-to-be sister-in-law made an accusation relating to recent developments ahead of her nuptials.
After hearing unfavorable opinions from friends, she visited the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit and asked:
"AITA for threatening to drop out of my brother's wedding and encouraging my siblings to do the same?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I'm the middle child of 5: Andrew(25 Male), Ben(22 Male) me(19 Female), Diana(16 Female) and Emily(13 Female). Andrew and 'Megan' (23 Female) are getting married this June."
"From my pov, Megan and I get along well but aren't close; we don't have a lot in common, but she always seemed nice."
"Obviously because of the panini delays she's had a LOT of time to think about the wedding, and right from the announcement she wanted us to be bridesmaids; Ben is the best man."
"Diana is currently recovering from a bad car accident--she broke multiple bones and has scars from cuts. She's in physical therapy, but because of the severity of the breaks, the doctors have said it will probably take at least six months."
"Last night Diana called me, crying--Megan emailed saying it would be better if she weren't in the wedding: she might not even be able to walk yet, her scars would be visible through the dress and in photos, plus it would be very 'distracting.'"
"Megan was really nice to Diana when she was in the hospital, and the email was just so cold. I said if she didn't want Diana in the wedding, I wouldn't be in it either."
"While we were talking Emily came in and when she heard about it, she said she would quit too. I texted Ben and he immediately called Andrew and said if Megan kicked Diana out of the wedding, he was quitting as best man."
"After that everything went wild--Andrew & Megan announced they were coming to 'talk' to Diana. I'm protective of Diana because she is very gentle and kind and sometimes people take advantage of that."
"When I got to my parents house, Megan & Andrew were yelling, Diana was crying, and my parents were trying to calm everyone down."
"Then Megan started screaming at me for starting all this and a lot of other stuff—Ben & I think she's stupid, I've been trying to 'control' the wedding and make fun of her choices, and 'for once' it was her turn to get some attention because my sisters and I 'hog' it all."
"Andrew said I was being a bully and he stood by Megan's decision."
"I was kinda stunned. Like I said, I thought Megan and I got along pretty well. During the fight I admit I also yelled and called her a spoiled, selfish brat."
"I truly don't think I've been bullying Megan, but even I did, Diana is the sweetest person and I still think it's sh**ty to kick her out of the wedding party for something that wasn't her fault and that already has caused a lot of pain & body image problems for her."
"I don't think I'm TA for wanting to stand up for my sister, but maybe I went about it the wrong way? My parents think I should have talked to Megan & Andrew privately before 'recruiting' Ben & Emily, and my mom thinks I should have suggested a compromise."
"They're mad about the drama, and some of my friends said I was wrong because ultimately Megan gets to choose who is in her wedding."
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
"NTA - your friends are wrong. While Megan gets to choose who she invites to be in her wedding, it is an invitation."
"You have the right to say no, for excluding your sister for superficial vane reasons. agreeing to go and leave your sister home breaks the sister code. Megan assumed incorrectly that her decision was going to have unpleasant consequences."
"there were a number of ways to start the discussion on this, but it was always going to end up in the same place. The fact that Megan and Andrew decided to take the whole thing out on A 16 yr old, shows how selfish and immature they are."
"It wasn't going to stop with a private conversation with just you. They would have told you butt out, she is still not invited. You would have escalated and given that you are all close, everyone else was going to find out."
"Your brother Andrew is either incredibly stupid and completely delusional to think that they could uninvite his sister because she is recovering from an accident and not have all the other siblings in An uproar over it."
"I would bet that Megan is an only child or doesn't have much of a relationship with her siblings."
"Your parents blew it by not sitting down with their son and explaining to him the consequences and damage this would cause to the family."
"Megan could have taken the high road and asked to figure out how to make the experience for your sister manageable. But she didn't, she has a perfect picture in her mind and anyone that doesn't fit that is out. It's a good thing you are finding out her true personality now…" – Buttercup303
"NTA, and as a disabled person, I want to hug you so hard. I wish my sisters stood up for me the way you did for your sister. Megan is a MASSIVE AH."
"She literally just tried to cut Diana out of the wedding specifically because she acquired a visible disability, and Megan apparently finds disabilities aesthetically unappealing. Yikes. I'm pretty sure she couldn't be a bigger AH."
"And then, when you literally just pointed this out, and how cruel, disgusting, and dehumanising it is, and that you weren't particularly interested in participating in a wedding with someone who placed aesthetics above their relationship with their own future SIL, who was recovering from a horrible accident and most assuredly already struggling with her self-image as a teenager who is now dealing with visible scars and possibly limited mobility (and again, as someone who was disabled as a teenager, and in a far less visible way, I can tell you it's a MASSIVE blow to your self-esteem ."
"just the comments from people about my occasionally having to use a cane were so humiliating) . . . Megan accused YOU of being a bully?"
"No. You're not the bully, hon. She is. She's a bully, she's a dreadful human being, and she should be ashamed of treating someone she's supposed to love, her future husband's little sister, this way."
"You should be proud of yourself. Your parents should be proud of you. And if they won't be, please know that I am so proud of you, as someone old enough to be your mom. You are a wonderful person, the big sister that so many of us wish we had. And definitely NTA." – FoolMe1nceShameOnU
"NTA As someone who is blind, I was excluded from my brother's wedding party by his ex-wife because of my disability. They thought it would be too much to handle me, all while always talking to my mom instead of me about it. Thank you for standing up for your sister."
"A white cane doesn't stand out in family photos just as scars don't because it's FAMILY and it shouldn't matter." – VentiIcedRedEye
"NTA."
"The bride gets to choose who is in her wedding sure, but the bridesmaids and best man also get that choice if they want to support it. They aren't her slaves."
"Megan screwed up big time and is looking for someone to blame. Your siblings didn't leave for you. They left for the same reason as you did. To stand up for their sister who is hurting."
"Megan needs to apologize and fix this, not you." – Goofpuff
"NTA, not by a long shot. Megan's true colours aren't very pretty."
"When my niece got married, her best friend was struggling with brain cancer. She required a wheelchair to get around, had lost all her hair, and was almost blind. My niece changed her venue to one without steps, and made sure the aisle was wide enough to accommodate both a groomsman and a wheelchair."
"Her friend was maid of honour, processed and recessed with everyone else, and was included in every way. Her friend died six weeks later, but in all the photos she is almost as radiant as the bride, who wouldn't have had it any other way. That's what decent people do." – Background-Ad-4616
"NTA. I'm all for their wedding their rules. HOWEVER that also means that if someone doesn't like the rules, they're more than free to not be in the wedding."
"She's a sh**ty person for the way she went about this and WHY she did this. So you guys are WELL within your rights and abilities to say 'if sister x can't go then neither will we' and that's that."
"Bride doesn't like it? Too bad. Kick rocks. The day is about her and hubby, ans realistically y'all don't HAVE to be there." – Swimming-Low-6895
Overall, Redditors had compassion for Diana, and they agreed with the OP's decision to back out from the wedding party.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.