Redditor wdngthrowaway456 is 19 and is the middle sibling out of five.
She is very protective of one of her younger sisters, “Diana,” who had been in a car accident that left her severely injured.
The Redditor was blamed for creating drama in the family after her soon-to-be sister-in-law made an accusation relating to recent developments ahead of her nuptials.
After hearing unfavorable opinions from friends, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for threatening to drop out of my brother’s wedding and encouraging my siblings to do the same?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m the middle child of 5: Andrew(25 Male), Ben(22 Male) me(19 Female), Diana(16 Female) and Emily(13 Female). Andrew and ‘Megan’ (23 Female) are getting married this June.”
“From my pov, Megan and I get along well but aren’t close; we don’t have a lot in common, but she always seemed nice.”
“Obviously because of the panini delays she’s had a LOT of time to think about the wedding, and right from the announcement she wanted us to be bridesmaids; Ben is the best man.”
“Diana is currently recovering from a bad car accident–she broke multiple bones and has scars from cuts. She’s in physical therapy, but because of the severity of the breaks, the doctors have said it will probably take at least six months.”
“Last night Diana called me, crying–Megan emailed saying it would be better if she weren’t in the wedding: she might not even be able to walk yet, her scars would be visible through the dress and in photos, plus it would be very ‘distracting.’”
“Megan was really nice to Diana when she was in the hospital, and the email was just so cold. I said if she didn’t want Diana in the wedding, I wouldn’t be in it either.”
“While we were talking Emily came in and when she heard about it, she said she would quit too. I texted Ben and he immediately called Andrew and said if Megan kicked Diana out of the wedding, he was quitting as best man.”
“After that everything went wild–Andrew & Megan announced they were coming to ‘talk’ to Diana. I’m protective of Diana because she is very gentle and kind and sometimes people take advantage of that.”
“When I got to my parents house, Megan & Andrew were yelling, Diana was crying, and my parents were trying to calm everyone down.”
“Then Megan started screaming at me for starting all this and a lot of other stuff—Ben & I think she’s stupid, I’ve been trying to ‘control’ the wedding and make fun of her choices, and ‘for once’ it was her turn to get some attention because my sisters and I ‘hog’ it all.”
“Andrew said I was being a bully and he stood by Megan’s decision.”
“I was kinda stunned. Like I said, I thought Megan and I got along pretty well. During the fight I admit I also yelled and called her a spoiled, selfish brat.”
“I truly don’t think I’ve been bullying Megan, but even I did, Diana is the sweetest person and I still think it’s sh**ty to kick her out of the wedding party for something that wasn’t her fault and that already has caused a lot of pain & body image problems for her.”
“I don’t think I’m TA for wanting to stand up for my sister, but maybe I went about it the wrong way? My parents think I should have talked to Megan & Andrew privately before ‘recruiting’ Ben & Emily, and my mom thinks I should have suggested a compromise.”
“They’re mad about the drama, and some of my friends said I was wrong because ultimately Megan gets to choose who is in her wedding.”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA – your friends are wrong. While Megan gets to choose who she invites to be in her wedding, it is an invitation.”
“You have the right to say no, for excluding your sister for superficial vane reasons. agreeing to go and leave your sister home breaks the sister code. Megan assumed incorrectly that her decision was going to have unpleasant consequences.”
“there were a number of ways to start the discussion on this, but it was always going to end up in the same place. The fact that Megan and Andrew decided to take the whole thing out on A 16 yr old, shows how selfish and immature they are.”
“It wasn’t going to stop with a private conversation with just you. They would have told you butt out, she is still not invited. You would have escalated and given that you are all close, everyone else was going to find out.”
“Your brother Andrew is either incredibly stupid and completely delusional to think that they could uninvite his sister because she is recovering from an accident and not have all the other siblings in An uproar over it.”
“I would bet that Megan is an only child or doesn’t have much of a relationship with her siblings.”
“Your parents blew it by not sitting down with their son and explaining to him the consequences and damage this would cause to the family.”
“Megan could have taken the high road and asked to figure out how to make the experience for your sister manageable. But she didn’t, she has a perfect picture in her mind and anyone that doesn’t fit that is out. It’s a good thing you are finding out her true personality now…” – Buttercup303
“NTA, and as a disabled person, I want to hug you so hard. I wish my sisters stood up for me the way you did for your sister. Megan is a MASSIVE AH.”
“She literally just tried to cut Diana out of the wedding specifically because she acquired a visible disability, and Megan apparently finds disabilities aesthetically unappealing. Yikes. I’m pretty sure she couldn’t be a bigger AH.”
“And then, when you literally just pointed this out, and how cruel, disgusting, and dehumanising it is, and that you weren’t particularly interested in participating in a wedding with someone who placed aesthetics above their relationship with their own future SIL, who was recovering from a horrible accident and most assuredly already struggling with her self-image as a teenager who is now dealing with visible scars and possibly limited mobility (and again, as someone who was disabled as a teenager, and in a far less visible way, I can tell you it’s a MASSIVE blow to your self-esteem .”
“just the comments from people about my occasionally having to use a cane were so humiliating) . . . Megan accused YOU of being a bully?”
“No. You’re not the bully, hon. She is. She’s a bully, she’s a dreadful human being, and she should be ashamed of treating someone she’s supposed to love, her future husband’s little sister, this way.”
“You should be proud of yourself. Your parents should be proud of you. And if they won’t be, please know that I am so proud of you, as someone old enough to be your mom. You are a wonderful person, the big sister that so many of us wish we had. And definitely NTA.” – FoolMe1nceShameOnU
“NTA As someone who is blind, I was excluded from my brother’s wedding party by his ex-wife because of my disability. They thought it would be too much to handle me, all while always talking to my mom instead of me about it. Thank you for standing up for your sister.”
“A white cane doesn’t stand out in family photos just as scars don’t because it’s FAMILY and it shouldn’t matter.” – VentiIcedRedEye
“NTA.”
“The bride gets to choose who is in her wedding sure, but the bridesmaids and best man also get that choice if they want to support it. They aren’t her slaves.”
“Megan screwed up big time and is looking for someone to blame. Your siblings didn’t leave for you. They left for the same reason as you did. To stand up for their sister who is hurting.”
“Megan needs to apologize and fix this, not you.” – Goofpuff
“NTA, not by a long shot. Megan’s true colours aren’t very pretty.”
“When my niece got married, her best friend was struggling with brain cancer. She required a wheelchair to get around, had lost all her hair, and was almost blind. My niece changed her venue to one without steps, and made sure the aisle was wide enough to accommodate both a groomsman and a wheelchair.”
“Her friend was maid of honour, processed and recessed with everyone else, and was included in every way. Her friend died six weeks later, but in all the photos she is almost as radiant as the bride, who wouldn’t have had it any other way. That’s what decent people do.” – Background-Ad-4616
“NTA. I’m all for their wedding their rules. HOWEVER that also means that if someone doesn’t like the rules, they’re more than free to not be in the wedding.”
“She’s a sh**ty person for the way she went about this and WHY she did this. So you guys are WELL within your rights and abilities to say ‘if sister x can’t go then neither will we’ and that’s that.”
“Bride doesn’t like it? Too bad. Kick rocks. The day is about her and hubby, ans realistically y’all don’t HAVE to be there.” – Swimming-Low-6895
Overall, Redditors had compassion for Diana, and they agreed with the OP’s decision to back out from the wedding party.