Coming out is getting easier to do.
Generations later we are heading toward a place where people can be free.
At least that’s what it feels like in the media.
On the ground, in families everywhere, there are still battles being had.
Case in point…
Redditor UserMempsh wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for coming out at my sister’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (29 M[ale]) am gay and up until last week I haven’t told my family yet.”
“I think my family always suspected, but they never asked because being gay isn’t really approved of in our family.”
“I have 3 sisters (36 Michelle, 35 Julia and 22 Annie). I have been dating Peter for a few months now, but haven’t told my family yet.”
“Michelle got married last week.”
“During the reception, lots of people were making toasts, including my father.”
“He said something along the lines of ‘I finally have my first son in law, and hopefully I will soon have two more. Maybe someday even a daughter in law if sissypants here mans up and gets a GF.'”
“Everyone laughed except Julia.”
“After the toasts and before dinner Julia came over to me and asked me if I was okay.”
“I was sad and didn’t hide it all that well.”
“I said I’m fine, dad’s comment just bugged me.”
“She said to try and let it go for now, and I did.”
“During dinner (there were many tables and my immediate family was at one) my father starts asking me if I have a GF already.”
“If I will give him grandkids etc.”
“I brushed it off, then Michelle (who just came by the table to ask my mom something) said ‘Well I cam hook you up with a bridesmaid if you, want to unless you are wired the wrong way” Julia rolled her eyes.”
“Then my mom said to her ‘maybe you should have that girl (bridesmaid) come over here, he needs to be with a WOMAN at his age.'”
“I just lost it and said ‘actually mom, I’m gay.'”
“The whole table went silent, some other people heard too and Michelle started crying, saying I ruined her wedding with my awful confession.”
“Most of my family says I’m an AH for saying it then.”
“Julia is on my side and said she is perfectly fine with me being gay.”
“And if our family didn’t want to hear it, they should have stayed quiet.”
“AITA for ruining Michelle’s wedding?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA Oh dear god you did not ‘come out at her wedding,’ you were literally pushed into a corner until you SNAPPED.”
“Julia sounds like a great sister!” ~ Emotional_Answer_319
“I want to add that I think the family suspected OP was gay because their phrasing and comments were oddly specific.”
“They basically set him up for this and are blaming him for it.” ~ *itchyunicorn36
“I agree.”
“I know the title mentions coming out but for some reason I thought OP had come out at some point and everyone was like ‘yeah okay whatever you’re not serious.'”
“It almost felt like the family was in denial.” ~ 7Clarinetto9
“Yeah, if anything, it’s OP’s dad that ruined the wedding.”
“He made his speech about hoping his other kids will be in straight relationships soon.”
“Then he (and mom) pushed OP into dating someone he probably has never met or is acquaintances with.”
“And Michelle is upset at OP? So weird.” ~ Peachbowtie
“Between the title and up through ‘During the reception, lots of people were making toasts’ I was chomping at the bit to call you the a**hole, lol.”
B”ut damn. His family are AHs.”
“If they didn’t want an answer as to why he didn’t ‘have a woman’ yet (gross) they shouldn’t have kept pressing.”
“AHs in general AND extra for being homophobic, if the ‘sissypants’ line from dad was a direct quote, and sister’s ‘if you’re not wired wrong.'”
“Just cut them all off, except Julia, OP.”
“Michelle ruined her own wedding by allowing/engaging in this nonsense with the rest of your family.” ~anndor
“Obviously NTA.”
“I think people with intense families just need to expect that there will be a certain amount of drama at weddings and funerals etc.”
“WTF is ‘ruined my wedding??'”
“Unless someone shat on the cake or shot the bride there is no ‘ruining’ there’s just adding more colourful chapters to the family lore.”
“Michelle totally had the option to hug OP and sob ‘OMG this is so beautiful! I love this for you! I hope you marry a dude as awesome as groovy so I can dance at YOUR wedding one day!'”
“Like she coulda turned this part of her wedding into a beautiful viral social media moment but, in AD 2022 with literal kajillions of gay positive scripts watched and tweeted a thousand times a day.”
“She and most of her family chose to be ugly.”
“That’s not on OP.” ~ Hoistedonyrownpetard
“I don’t understand why the family members think that making snide remarks will somehow ‘fix’ people.”
“If you play with the snake’s tail, you’ll sometimes get bit.”
“Sounds like Julia is the only family member that supports you.”
“I hope she still continues to support you during this time.”
“When I first read the title of the post, I thought ‘yes.'”
“However, I think OP has ensured years of verbal abuse/teasing/snarky remarks and just snapped.”
“NTA. I applaud OP for an admiral counterstrike.” ~ CaptCaffeine
“Bingo! OP is definitely NTA, but his family (minus Julia) sure are!”
“I haven’t had OP’s situation, but I’ve certainly had a situation where my family bullied me to the point where I exploded and then it was my fault for exploding.”
“Because it was certainly not their fault for bullying me.”
“People like that aren’t worth your time OP.”
“They all owe you a huge apology, not the other way around.” ~ These-Coat-3164
“Oh yeah, the family all knew.”
“They knew and were bullying him, like that would ‘change’ him. Ugh.”
“Bullies try to take something true and make it dirty or wrong.”
“Just like his dad did.”
“OP is super NTA.”
“They practically dared him to come out or change sides.”
“Rude to do at their daughter’s wedding, but some people have no class.” ~ Salsaisgreat
“See, there’s this worldview where homosexuality isn’t an orientation, it’s a behavior.”
“And part of that is the idea that it’s a bad behavior that people can be shamed out of.”
“Calling a guy a sissy isn’t going ‘I know you’re gay”, it’s going “‘ think you’re living your life (or want to) in ways I don’t like.”
“‘And I bet I can make you stop if I’m enough of a jerk to you about it.'”
“There’s a reason for the word straight, you know, like being on the straight and narrow?”
“Anyways, yes, obviously OP’s family suspected, but were presumably mentally filing it under the ‘depraved lifestyle’ concept.”
“And when OP said ‘I’m gay’ that was him bringing in the worldview of ‘it’s a morally neutral identity.'”
“Which frames the discussion in a way that makes it socially difficult for the rest of them to keep pressuring OP into ‘acting straight.'”
“The power of word choice.” ~ socialjusticecleric7
“Had you have planned to come out at the wedding, you would have been the AH.”
“But it sounds like you were being bugged and we’re finally at the end of your tether and it just came out.”
“You’re NTA, and if Michelle thinks her brother being gay ‘ruined’ her wedding then that’s on her.” ~ coppeliuseyes
“Also, who cares if Michelle’s wedding was ruined?”
“After the ‘unless you’re wired wrong’ comment, I hope it was!”
“Bigots/bullies shouldn’t get to make whatever comment and expect to be respected.”
“I hope her cake fell over and her M[other] I[n] L[aw] wore white.”
“NTA OP, you were bullied and you snapped.”
“They don’t get to blame your reaction to their crap behavior.”
“I would let everyone know you will be low to no contact with everyone except Julia, until they learn how to be supportive family.” ~ anneofred
“NTA. When I first read the title of your post I was inclined the think YTA.”
“However, after reading how it all went down, you’re 100% NTA.”
“Your family was essentially assaulting you with homophobic remarks and questioned your sexuality several times.”
“They questioned and you answered.”
“You had no choice but to stand firm in yourself.”
“Good for you! “
“I would hope your sister would be happy about you finally telling your truth.”
“Congrats on coming out and happy pride!!” ~ RazzleDazzle722
Well OP… Reddit is with you.
It sounds like you and your family have a lot of soul searching to discuss.
Hopefully one day everyone will be able to look back at this as just a bad memory.
Thankfully you have Julia.
Good luck and HAPPY PRIDE!!