Not everyone likes a photo.
In this day and age of perfect selfies, it can take hours to get the perfect shot.
But what about photos that don’t include you?
Can people judge every photo?
Case in point…
A Redditor wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not removing a photo my girlfriend told me before she moved in with me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (26 M[ale]) think this is completely ridiculous but maybe I’m actually wrong, so here goes.”
“I’ve been with my girlfriend (26 F[emale]) for 5 years but we’ve known each other since we were 15.”
“I’m fortunate to have my own place and we’ve discussed for a while her moving in with me as she has been staying in the house more often.”
“This wasn’t a problem until she was about to move in.”
“I have a few photos in the house of me with members of my family, the problem is with a specific photo of me with my brother and father.”
“She told me to remove the photo before she moved in to accommodate her, I asked her why, she answered that it’s ‘weird.'”
“But to me, there’s nothing weird about the photo.”
“She’s the one making it weird.”
“Maybe the only thing weird about the photos is that all of them are when I was a child.”
“But none of them are inappropriate or have something you can take the wrong way.”
“She had no other argument and, in the end, I refused and she said she wouldn’t move in and I was ok with that.”
“This has been a topic of discussion for the past few days.”
“Some of our friends and even my father said that I should remove the photo to make her feel welcome but I just find that, again, ridiculous.”
“I won’t post the photo because I don’t feel comfortable but I will describe it as much as possible.”
“The photo was taken when my brother was 6 and I 7.”
In the middle is my father with a grin from ear to ear.”
“His eyes are closed and his arms extended to the sides; to his left is my brother: buzz cut, standing straight with his arms at the side like a soldier and a serious face.”
“To my father’s right is me: long hair, standing like a boxer from 1910 with my chin up and a mean mug; all wearing a suit because it was taken at my uncle’s wedding.”
“The photo was taken outside the place where the event took place (there is nothing exceptional related to the place).”
“The only things aside from us is the sun, the blue sky and a bunch of trees.”
“She has met my family; she has always been respectful/friendly with them and vice versa.”
“There hasn’t been incidents or problems with any of them, I have asked her and she has denied it.”
“Her problem is with the photo I described above.”
“I have other photos with my father and brother individually.”
“I do the same pose in various photos; I have one doing the same pose with my paternal grandfather where we both wear boxing gloves (he taught me the pose).”
“She has stayed in the house multiple days, even weeks, she has things here.”
“She never brought up the issue.”
“I’m all for compromising but I need a proper explanation other than ‘it’s weird.'”
“I still have long hair, even longer than before.”
“She is very fond of it and not a problem.”
“None of the photos stands out, they’re put on a small part of the wall in the living room with the others, including the ones I’m with her.”
“They’re not big or I’d basically be upholstering the entire wall.”
“She had issues with her family but they solved it.”
“But I don’t rule out that something happened that she hasn’t told me.”
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“This is a passive power move of some kind.”
“They been together for five years and only now she picks a specific totally innocent picture which has real memory value attached to now make an issue about it.”
“To the point of not moving in.”
“Yeah this is something else, because that excuse from her is the dumbest sh$t I’ve ever heard.” ~ OneCaliGirl_17
“I agree that this is definitely a power play.”
“If she wins this, there will be a lifetime of such power plays.”
“Power plays are not always aggressive in-your-face actions.”
“More often, the player will act like a victim or helpless.”
“What a con!”
“It is when the target stands his ground that the mask falls off and the players true nature shows.” ~ OldestCrone
“If she can’t/won’t give you a proper reason to remove childhood photos of you and your family, it’s a little concerning…”
“My brain on both ends of the worst case scenario spectrum goes to either…”
“A) something negative happened between her and your brother or her and your dad when you were all younger you don’t know about so it rubs her wrong seeing them all the time, or…”
“B) she’s trying to see how much she can flex control coming into the space and wants to see how far she can push you to remove parts of your family.”
“Those are 2 VERY extreme scenarios, and maybe it’s nothing so nefarious, but if my partner said I need to get rid of a family photo or they wouldn’t t live with me.”
“I’d need a really good reason to follow through.” ~RiversSongInTime
“NTA. When I read the title I fully expected it to be a photo of you with an ex or something, but it’s just you with your family?”
“Doing normal stuff?”
“And she can’t even explain to you why it’s ‘weird?'”
“Something fishy is going on here.” ~ taylorthetator
OP responded…
“If it was a photo with a former girlfriend, it would be completely reasonable, even with a female friend, but this is not the case.”
“This is a description of the photo…”
“The photo was taken when my brother was 6 and I 7.”
“In the middle is my father with a grin from ear to ear…”
“To his left is my brother: buzz cut, standing straight like a soldier with a serious face…”
“To my father’s right is me: long hair, standing like a boxer from 1910 with my chin up and a mean mug; all wearing a suit because it was taken at my uncle’s wedding.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA- but I feel like this is deeper than it seems.”
“If she finds it weird, then that means something in that photo makes her uncomfortable.”
“It’s probably not you, so either the fact that there’s a picture of your brother or your father makes her feel uncomfortable/unsafe.”
“Now this begs the question: what happened between them?” ~ApprenticeLuke
“NTA. If she can’t even give you a reason it’s super weird that she’s so insistent about it.”
“Also, it would have to be a pretty good reason to make such a weird demand!”
“Good job standing your ground.”
“Some people find their whole house redecorated after moving in with someone.” ~ Fuzzy-Constant
“NTA, she’s definitely not telling you the full truth.”
“She’s either trying to control you OR she has some hidden history/feelings towards the photo and likely towards your dad or brother.”
“Don’t budge until she gives a solid reason.”
“She doesn’t have to go in depth if it’s trauma-related….but it’s unfair to make a demand like this without any explanation.” ~ ctortan
“This is a power play, it’s just step one.”
“At least, in my experience I’ve seen stuff like this before.”
“I had an ex who one day, out of the blue, demanded I get rid of my lanyard that I kept my keys on (Harley Quinn design).”
“It was ‘not the right fit,’ or something like that.”
“So, I got a new one.”
“Everything was fine for a while, then it was a new pair of shoes.”
“Then, before I knew it, they had literally started controlling nearly every aspect of my life.”
“The demand to get rid of the lanyard was just testing the waters, to see if I’d comply.” ~ farmwifejourno
OP came back… SMALL UPDATE:
“I’m reading your replies but my apologies for not answering every comment, they are just too many.”
“We have talked this morning and this has nothing to do with me or my family but hers.”
“The photos brought some feelings and she was feeling bad for someone else and not for herself.”
“It has to do with one of her nephews; he is going through the same situation as her when she was 15 (no sexual abuse, for those concerned) and she has been blocked about what to do.”
“She apologized for her behavior in the past days and for taking it out on me instead of coming for help.”
“I’m going to see her once I get out of work so she can tell me about it and we can find a way to stop her from going nuclear on her family and we can help her nephew.”
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
Photos can lead to some tricky truths.
It maybe time for some difficult conversations.
Good luck.