When we think of two people falling in love and getting married, we might imagine all of the wonderful adventures the couple has in their future, as well as all of the lovely events they have ahead of them, like spending holidays with their family.
But some families don’t come together the way we might have hoped, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Beautiful-Matter-731 met and fell in love with a woman named Fah while she was in the United States pursuing her degree, and they created a wonderful life for themselves over the next five years.
But no matter how happy or successful they were, the Original Poster (OP) was heartbroken that his parents refused to accept their union because his wife was originally from a different country.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for walking out of a family dinner after my parents insulted my Thai wife?”
The OP had a wonderful life with his wife, but his parents did not accept her.
“My (33 Male) wife, Fah (32 Female), is from Thailand.”
“We met while she was studying in the US, fell in love, and got married five years ago. She’s an amazing woman, kind, hardworking, and incredibly smart.”
“Unfortunately, my parents have never fully accepted her.”
“From the beginning, they made offhand comments about her being a gold digger and only marrying me for a green card. No matter how many times I told them otherwise, they held onto this ignorant assumption.”
“It doesn’t matter that Fah has a successful career, makes her own money (she makes more than me, by the way!), and has never asked me for a dime, because in their eyes, she’s one of those foreign women who trap American men.”
The OP finally put a stop to their awful remarks after five years of marriage.
“Last weekend, we had dinner at my parents’ house with the family. At first, things were civil.”
“But then my dad smirked and said, ‘So, Fah, now that you’ve been married five years, do you finally get to keep your green card?'”
“My mom laughed and added, ‘Guess you don’t have to be on your best behavior anymore, huh?'”
“Fah went pale. I was furious. I told them to cut it out, but my dad doubled down and said that they were just joking.”
“He said that we can’t blame them for wondering how much of this marriage was for love and how much was for the visa. My mom nodded and said they just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being taken advantage of.”
“That was it. I stood up, told them we weren’t staying for dinner, and walked out with Fah.”
“In the car, she was quiet and then finally asked me if they really think of her that way, which just broke my heart.”
The OP’s parents tried to pin the blame on him for how the dinner went.
“Now my parents are saying I embarrassed them in front of the other family and overreacted. My brother says I should’ve just kept the peace and talked to them later. They’re refusing to apologize, claiming it was just a joke.”
“I don’t regret standing up for my wife, but now I’m wondering if maybe I should’ve just waited until everyone else was gone to call them out on it?”
“To be honest, if they haven’t come around after five years of marriage, then I think they will never accept it. I could somewhat understand it when we were still in the dating phase that they were worried about me, but all these years later, it’s just straight-up racism at this point.”
“If it’s not the gold digger and green card ‘jokes,’ then it’s something else like, ‘all Thai people eat bugs,’ or some other ignorant stereotype. Enough is just enough.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that he was not the one who embarrassed his parents.
“Frankly, OP didn’t embarrass them. They embarrassed themselves. They should be ashamed of their own behavior.” – cheshire_kat7
“How dare OP allow his parents to show everyone what jacka**es they are! I bet in Thailand they treat their parents with more respect than that!”
“They d**n well should be embarrassed. If my parents did that type of s**t to me, I’d let the bridge burn. If they want to, they can fix it themselves.” – RBuilds916
“If they get embarrassed by OP simply calling out their actions, then they should do some reflecting. But we know that’s not likely to happen. NTA.” – jjbananamonkey
“Standing up for your wife was the biggest part of this. If you just sit there and not say a word, waiting until later to address it, then what does that tell her?”
“What’s going through her mind that whole time while she’s sitting there, humiliated, wondering why you’re not saying anything? What’s she going to think if you choose to coddle your parents in their worst behavior?”
“It sucks that your folks betrayed your trust like that, OP, but good on you for not betraying your wife’s trust. That’s going to stick with her much longer than any grief from the in-laws.” – ThatMerri
“They’re angry because their jokes weren’t funny but very disrespectful.”
“OP may owe it to his wife to go no contact with them for at least a while and to make sure they fully understand how inappropriate their remarks were and how much they hurt his wife.”
“If the family put themselves in his/their shoes, they might get a clue as to how much pain their stupid comments were. Words can hurt a lot, and remain in people’s memory for a long time, too.” – Reasonable_Star_959
“Tell them she’s making more than you and more than they ever did, if that’s true. And say that she obviously has far more character than they do and that in this case, you’re glad you get to choose who you make a family with because they have embarrassed you and stained the family name.”
“Put it all on social media and then block everyone. But let them live with this shame when everyone asks about you in the future and all they can say is I-don’t-know.” – Stinkytheferret
Others agreed with the OP’s concerns that his parents would never change.
“I can totally imagine my narcissistic family having the same reaction, belittling my partner for no reason other than their own ignorant biases. It must’ve been so painful for your wife to hear those comments, and standing up for her was the right thing to do.”
“You shouldn’t have to endure that kind of disrespect, and I truly believe that if more people had your back like you did for her, the world would be a better place. Do you think they’ll ever come around, or is this a pattern with your family?” – stanburry
“I’m curious, do they know she earns more money than you? I’d have thrown that in their faces to shut them up about the gold digger comments and see how they like truth!”
“Either way, though, you did right to call out their racism in front of everyone. They were trying to embarrass and humiliate your wife in front of everyone, so they deserved the same back. They don’t deserve to be confronted in private, as they were the ones being racist in front of others.”
“Also, I’d go totally no contact as they clearly will never respect your relationship or your wife, and they will just keep excusing their racism as ‘jokes.’ But those comments aren’t jokes. They’re simply racist.”
“Don’t put your wife in a position for any more rudeness, disrespect, racist comments, and bullying. They’ve made their feelings clear that they will never accept her, and won’t even be civil and polite to her, so it’s time to cut them off now.” – Poppypie77
“It’s awesome that you stood up for your wife. It’s awesome that you walked out. It’s awesome that you did it all right when they said it, in front of everyone.”
“Protect your wife. Don’t back down.”
“Like you said, they aren’t going to come around. In that case, you just need to set hard boundaries. You did a great job of enforcing those boundaries by leaving, and leaving immediately.” – AldusPrime
“You should tell your parents your wife must love you to still be with you despite their bulls**t.”
“Then immediately go no contact with them and anyone who is defending them, for a minimum of six months, though I’d probably put a ‘forever’ price tag on that if it were me.”
“Tell them they will need to find another hobby or a new target as bullying your wife is not acceptable, and look at what needs to happen in order for even minimal contact to be reinstated. Then stick to it.” – Lilitu9tails
“I experienced some of this very inappropriate attitude when I brought my Guatemalan husband-to-be to some events with distant relatives. I couldn’t believe that these so-called honorable human beings could be so incredibly insensitive and outright rude to him and me.”
“One actually asked me in front of him if we were going to keep living together once he got his green card!! You might think that this was meant as an insult just to my dear husband, but it was equally insulting to me. I was quite overweight when he and I met, and some people couldn’t believe that any man could love me for who I was and that this had to be a transactional sort of quid pro quo.”
“Well, we celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary this month. We’re planning our retirement in Guatemala; our 26-year-old daughter has dual citizenship, and I’m at a healthy weight!”
“We showed them, and so will you.” – Laytchie
The subReddit applauded the OP for finally speaking up on his wife’s behalf after five years of cruel comments from his parents.
There was no telling what his wife might have been thinking while overhearing these remarks over the years, and it was hopefully a relief for her to finally hear her husband stand up for her.