Returning presents or turning down presents isn’t easy.
Nobody likes to look a gift horse in the mouth.
But sometimes it’s necessary.
Some gifts might be a bad fit, and some gifts might stir up some drama.
Redditor Waffles973 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“WIBTA if I don’t return the car my friend bought me as a birthday present?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“It was my birthday a few weeks ago, and my friend Luke bought me a car as a birthday present because I didn’t have one.”
“It’s nothing fancy, but I’m beyond grateful to him because having a car has made my life so much easier.”
“Unfortunately, my B[oy]F[riend] isn’t happy that Luke gave me such an expensive gift.”
“He said it’s inappropriate for another man to buy me a car, so he wants me to return it.”
“Most of our friends are on his side and agree it’s weird for Luke to have bought me the car.”
“I’ve known Luke my whole life, and he’s practically family, so I don’t see it the same way as them.”
“None of my family finds it weird, and my brother told me that Luke said I should sell the car if I didn’t want it, but he wouldn’t take it back.”
“I keep fighting with my boyfriend over the car, and he refuses to even sit in it now, but I really don’t think I should return it as I know Luke and he’ll just be offended.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“WIBTA if I don’t return it?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Tell him you’ll get rid of it as soon as the car he buys you gets there.” ~ shutup_bra1n
“Yes, this.”
“He is trying to control you.”
“Nope and nope.” ~ TeachBS
“It’s not all that often, for me anyway, but sometimes life/karma presents these perfect little opportunities.”
“One friend has a car for sale.”
“You trust the friend and/or know how responsible they are.”
“Another friend needs a car.”
“The money is not important, and their birthday is coming up.”
“Two friends are happy.”
“And you’ve got to be the catalyst.”
“Boyfriend is, at a guess, both jealous and insecure.”
“Jealous because no one ever gave him a car.”
“Insecure because he isn’t in a position to do what OP’s friend did.” ~ mcramsay
“A man who puts his insecurities over your safety is not a man you want to call your boyfriend.” ~ dragonbornsqrl
“Don’t do that, then she’ll have that car held over her head for any little thing.”
“She upgraded cars, now it’s time to upgrade boyfriends too.” ~ JJHall_ID
“Return the boyfriend, keep the car.” ~ phazedout1971
“As a guy, I stand behind this statement.”
“Real-world example…”
“In college, I dated this amazing girl; she was a gem!”
“One night we were out at a bar with a large group of friends, and she was at the bar with the girls, and I was on the other side of the joint with the boys.”
“She comes up to me a little panicked and says a guy just tried to buy me a drink, and I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t want to upset you (like I said, amazing girl).”
“I laughed and told her next time that happened, that she should order top shelf and make it a double.”
“I was like, that’s one less drink I have to buy for you 🤪.” ~ Weatherbeaster1993
“Red flag alert.”
“Your boyfriend sounds controlling.”
“He can find it odd, he can be puzzled – yes.”
“But to tell you that you should return it – no.” ~ Arterial3
“This is it.”
“It is insane to turn down a free car from a family friend when you don’t have one.”
“Telling your partner they HAVE to while acting like a child by refusing to sit in it?”
“Controlling manipulation.” ~ moo-chu
“Definitely, I can understand being conflicted because the BF doesn’t know the friend and how close they are, but just saying to return it is stupid.” ~ Shadou_Wolf
“Keep the car, lose the boyfriend.”
“Because what is his solution to you not having a car?”
“Is he going to buy you one?”
“Of course not.”
“Dude needs to be quiet.” ~ Just_River_7502
“Maybe you have the same insecurities as the BF?”
“NTA. It doesn’t matter if Luke does have romantic intentions.”
“It’s still your life and your decision as to how you react.”
“You’re a grown-up (I assume), and no one who doesn’t hand you a paycheck is the boss of you.”
“Even then, they are only your boss at work.”
“If your boyfriend doesn’t want to ride in that car, he can take the bus or walk.” ~ Risheil
“I was surprised how far down I had to scroll to find this opinion.”
“A 20k car is not a normal between-friends gift.”
“Let’s give everyone the benefit of the doubt and assume everything is platonic.”
“OP has a new car, and the friend is happy that OP is happy, but there is not really much upside for the boyfriend here.”
“If I were the boyfriend, I would be constantly wondering what Luke is trying to do here.”
“Is he trying to make himself look better than me?”
“Is he flaunting his wealth, trying to buy my girlfriend’s affection, or actually just a good guy?”
“I sure wouldn’t trust Luke and would probably get paranoid if ever Luke asked to hang out on one with my girlfriend.”
“OP isn’t an a**hole for wanting to keep the car, but I think she does need to put some work into reassuring her boyfriend that Luke and OP have a strictly platonic relationship.” ~ eric_ness
“NTA, but I would be heavily questioning why Luke got you something so expensive, no matter if it’s fancy or not.”
“A car is a car.”
“That’s a high-level gift that I would only give my fiancé/immediate family.” ~ ThatOneGirlyx05
“If you have a friend who sees a need and fulfills it, then that’s a good friend.”
“Anyone getting in the way of or having any problem with said need needs to step back and figure out why it’s an issue.”
“It’s almost always going to be a ‘them’ issue.”
“If a friend bought you books for school because you need them and can’t afford them, you wouldn’t be the a-hole for accepting them, right?”
“If needed to quickly fly home to see a dying parent before they pass, and you couldn’t afford to do so, and a friend paid for the ticket, you wouldn’t be the a-hole, right?”
“So long as your relationship with Luke is platonic, then he seems like a good friend.”
“Your boyfriend should be thankful you have a friend like that, and that you now have a car and can use it to see the BF too.” ~ audioeptesicus
“NTA. It’s weird that your boyfriend doesn’t trust you to evaluate the situation for yourself.”
“Even if you had dated Luke in the past, you’re with your boyfriend now, and if your boyfriend doesn’t feel like he can trust you to not knowingly accept romantic advances, he shouldn’t be with you.”
“It sounds like Luke had the resources and chose to use them to help you, and it’s very silly to reject that help so your boyfriend doesn’t get jealous.” ~ sootfire
“NTA. Your boyfriend sounds insecure and jealous.”
“Keep the car, dump the boyfriend, and that’s the boyfriend changes.” ~ FigSuspicious7079
“Tell him that as soon as he gets you a new car, he will return it, NTA.”
“You needed a car, and your friend was nice enough to give you one.”
“Would this be weird if your friend were female?”
“Not every nice gesture has sexual intentions; sometimes people are just nice.”
“What a world to live in where people assume otherwise.” ~ EclecticEvergreen
“NTA, keep the car but get rid of the BF, he should be grateful someone got you such a nice and practical gift, a car can change your life.” ~ vewyspooky
“It’s really, really weird that your male friend bought you something as significant as a car.”
“Very unusual. Not normal.”
“Unless he’s rich, that’s a big gesture.”
“Does he have a history of generosity like this?”
“Are you certain he’s not expecting a quid pro quo?”
“Are you certain of his feelings for you?”
“There’s a scenario where it’s not inappropriate for a man to buy you a car.”
“It’s unclear from the info provided if this situation fits that scenario.”
“But hey, a car’s a car.”
“NTA for not returning a free car.”
“Just reassure your boyfriend – if you can – that nothing is ever gonna happen with Luke.” ~ NetAccomplished7099
“I’ve given my long-time best friend a car before.”
“Sometimes life allows you to be generous in really big ways.”
“It doesn’t have to mean a thing beyond love/care.”
“Sorry, your boyfriend is insecure. NTA.” ~ NefariousnessOne1884
“NTA, a close family friend (‘practically family’ per OP) gave you a present, enjoy the present as gifted.”
“The BF’s objection to the present is a huge red flag.”
“He’s being immature about this gift.”
“Yes, it’s unusual for an automobile to be given as a birthday present, but the close relationship between the giver and the receiver should be taken into consideration.” ~ schec1
“Hee hee.”
“I’m not giving a car back just because a bf doesn’t like it.”
“You aren’t married to your BF.”
“And the car gives you freedom that controlling partners don’t like.”
“So the answer would be no.”
“And I’d leave the boyfriend before leaving the car.”
“Also, boyfriend doesn’t get to drive the car and conveniently wreck it either.” ~ Lady_Tiffknee
Reddit is with you, OP.
You needed a car.
Now you have one.
And if Luke is a friend who is like family, it seems sincere.
Enjoy your gift.