When in another person's home, it is customary to follow the rules.
It's not a difficult part of visiting a loved one.
Everyone has rules for their home.
Why they exist is not anyone else's business.
But not every guest can help themselves and must test a boundary.
Redditor Up-down-Raccoon found himself in a dilemma regarding his friend's behavior in his home, so he turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
He asked:
"AITAH for 'spiking' my friend with my T gel?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"So, for a little context, I am a trans man and have been on T[estosterone] for a few years now, and all of my close friends are aware of this fact."
"I am not stealth to anyone I'm close with."
"My b[oy]f[riend] (22 M[ale]) and I (22 F[emale]-T[o]-M[ale]) kinda recently moved in together (November last year) and about a month ago finished getting the place completely sorted since we have both been working a lot."
"Well, my boyfriend went back to his parent's house last week to visit since he had a few days off, and I decided to stay home and invite one of my friends (21 F) to stay over in the spare room so we could have a catch-up and little sleepover because we haven't been able to see each other recently."
"When she arrived to our place I had just come back from a long shift and was quite tired, so I gave her a pretty quick tour of the place, pointing out where different things were kept and singling out a single cream I had in a pump bottle on the bathroom counter when i said 'You can use whatever you like, just don't use this one.'"
"Now, maybe it's on me for not specifically telling her what the cream was, but I assumed basic manners of when you're at someone's house was that if they say not to use something, you just shouldn't use it."
"Anyway, we stay up and chat for a little while, but as mentioned before, I was pretty tired from my shift, so I suggested we head to bed since I have the next day off and we can spend time together properly, and she agrees, so off to sleep we go."The
"The next morning, I go into the bathroom right after I wake up and notice my little pump bottle of cream has moved, and there seems to have been quite a lot used."
"This pump bottle has my T gel mixed with some hypoallergenic cream because I have pretty bad eczema and the gel by itself dries my skin out a little (yes, discussed with my doctor, so I'm still getting the right doses)."
"Seeing this, I'm already panicking slightly because one, I can already guess my female friend has covered herself in my T gel, and two, T gel is also quite expensive, and I have to wait to get my prescription refilled if I run out early."
"I leave the bathroom with the bottle in hand to find her in the kitchen having just finished making herself a coffee, and she seems to instantly notice me holding it and gives me a half-apologetic look."
"When I ask if she used it, she awkwardly admits she did, but doesn't really seem too sorry."
"In her words, she 'thought it was just some expensive cream that I wanted to save for myself.'"
"Which I still think is a bit of a rude thing to do, even if that was just the reason, but when I explained to her what the cream actually was, she paused for a moment before freaking out and asking me what she's supposed to do."
"I kinda panicked a bit as well and said I didn't know, suggesting if she had just put it on, then maybe jump in the shower and try to wash it off because even though I'm annoyed she used it. I don't want her to suddenly get changes she doesn't want."
"She then tells me that she put the cream on LAST NIGHT before going to sleep, so the cream has obviously completely soaked in by now, and I have to admit to her I genuinely don't know what to suggest to help her and to maybe try calling her doctor."
"She goes quiet for a moment before her face suddenly screws up in this angry look, and she starts yelling that I must've planned this and that I have basically spiked her with drugs and she should report me to the police for this."
"I was honestly taken aback and didn't really know what to say for a moment before reminding her I specifically told her NOT to use it and asking how it could be my fault she used something she wasn't supposed to, but this ended up setting her off more."
"After yelling some insults at me, she stormed to the guest room, picked up all her stuff, and then just left."
"I'm honestly not sure what to do because maybe I should have labeled the cream or something?"
"But also she literally used the one thing I asked her not to use."
"My boyfriend doesn't think I did anything wrong, but she's been texting me saying I have betrayed her trust and she never wants to see me again because 'How could I do something like this?"'
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITAH"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"OP... NTA, your friend FAFO.
"Now I'm a straight lady with a straight husband."
"My friend, who recently divorced, came to stay and asked me if I had any non-male-smelling products (her ex used a ton, and she hated the smell of them)."
"I had to explain that he uses my shower gel in the shower, and only his stuff was around the bath."
"I think the package color being the same as his old stuff made her worry."
"Think Radox vs Man Radox (same red bottle, different shape)."
"All was resolved."
"Mind you, I use his stuff, and vice versa, all comes out of the joint."
"I just think my friend was worried about being triggered, as we were planning on drinking that day."
"So yeah, NTA OP."
"And all the best with your stuff."
"This isn't a friend, by the way."
"It's someone who deliberately ignored you and chose to do her own thing." ~ fergie_89
"The thing of it is, these people THINK you’re treating them just how they would treat you."
"In summary, they’re selfish a**holes and had it coming." ~ NOT-packers-fan2022
"100% NTA."
"It doesn’t matter if your lotion is full of testosterone or you just like the way it smells, it’s YOURS."
"I am amused by the fact that this friend thinks she’s gonna turn into some trans werewolf or something." ~ DocFreudstein
"NTA. You literally told her not to use it."
"She came to the conclusion that you didn't want her to use it because it was fancy and expensive, and decided she wanted it, and therefore you don't matter."
"You told her not to."
"She ignored you and did it anyway."
"This is literally all on her."
"And she knows it."
"She knows she was wrong, but will not admit it and is making you the scapegoat for her actions."
"She used the lotion after being told not to."
"This is entirely on her." ~ AzraelWoods3872
"NTA. You told her not to touch it."
"You're not obligated to tell her why."
"If you're a guest in someone's home and they say not to touch something?"
"That's it."
"No touchie."
"She should be fine, it would be repeated doses, I suspect, before she builds up a change."
"Well, hopefully, other than the change of learning to respect other people's things."
"Let her whine."
"She's just trying to pull a reverse victim UNO card after being a sh*t." ~ FannishNan
"NTA. Classic case of FAFO."
"You did warn her specifically."
"Unless you're like loaded, it was beyond rude of her to go out of her way to steal your nice stuff."
"She's also kinda dumb because if someone tells you not to use the goop in an unabled bottle... it's pretty logical to assume it's not something you want to mess with."
"Thats not on you." ~ 1568314
"NTA, but that 'friend' is."
"It's her own fault for going against what you said."
"And even if it was an expensive cream, WHO would cover their ENTIRE body in it after being told to explicitly not use it."
"She would not be coming back, number blocked and deleted." ~ thebloodlessarcanist
"NTA. Your friend deliberately used something that you told her not to."
"This is a friend who only cares about herself, so take it as her showing you who she is."
"She doesn't respect you, and she blames others for the consequences of her actions." ~ ShannaraRose
"NTA. You did absolutely nothing wrong."
"She stole from you."
"She's a thief who stole from you, and she has absolutely no right to be angry."
"Her behavior is categorically wrong."
"If anyone should be angry, it would be you, and she is a terrible friend."
"She's literally a thief who stole from you, didn't know what she was stealing, and is now mad that you didn't tell her why she wasn't allowed to have the things she stole." ~ gahidus
Reddit is 1000% with you, OP.
Your friend's behavior is outrageous.
She owes you money for stealing your gel.
Stay strong.
You were protecting your property.
