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Woman Refuses To Order After Friends Switch Birthday Dinner To Restaurant She Can’t Afford


Times are tough.

Everybody can’t afford everything.

So something like dining out in certain places is not possible.

So a surprise bill can be difficult.

Case in point…

A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for not eating at my friends birthday dinner?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (25 F) was invited to my friend’s (who I’ll call Kate for the purpose of this story) birthday dinner celebration last night.”

“Our other friends ‘Jane’ and ‘Liz’ were the ones planning the celebration.”

“They had originally planned for the dinner to be at local steak house.”

“The night of the dinner comes along and Liz comes to pick me up to take me to the dinner, as my car is in the shop.”

“She tells me as we are driving they changed the restaurant we were going to for a better one to have a more special celebration.”

“I ask her where we were going and she excitedly says it’s a surprise.”

“As we pull up to the restaurant I start to get nervous as it looks to be pretty fancy.”

“Our other friends are waiting right outside the restaurant as we park the car.”

“We get out and walk in and wait for our table.”

“There was 12 of us in total (including some people who I do not know very well).”

“As we get seated at the table and get the menus, my heart sank.”

“I realize that this restaurant is a minimum of a $100 per person.”

“I’m struggling a lot financially and there was no way I could afford this.”

“If I paid for this meal I would have not been able to pay my bills.”

“I’m panicking (I have pretty bad anxiety) as I sit there as I don’t know what to do.”

“I tell my friends that I am not feeling well and won’t be able to eat anything or get any drinks.”

“They start getting upset saying I’m a ‘buzzkill’ and I’m ruining the party.”

“I told them I’m sorry but I really don’t think I’ll be able to.”

“I still make an effort to have conversation and make my friend’s party good for her.”

“As the dinner ends I go with Liz to her car and she takes me home.”

“Liz started saying ‘WTF’ is wrong with you and why did you have to try and ‘ruin’ her party.”

“I start getting teary eyed and be honest and tell Liz I couldn’t afford the bill.”

“I told her that if I would have realized it was so expensive beforehand I would have told her that I couldn’t have afforded to go.”

“I was expecting to go to a local steakhouse where I would have been able to get a meal for $15-$20 (which would have been a bit of a ‘splurge’ for me right now).”

“Liz starts getting angry saying I should have just told her at the restaurant and she would have paid my bill and I could have paid her back over time.”

“The reason I didn’t was because I have pretty bad social anxiety.”

“And I didn’t feel comfortable disclosing my financial situation in front of people I don’t know, attracting attention in the restaurant.”

“I also would prefer to just not spend $100 plus dollars on a meal right now (which I really can’t afford), even paying it back over time.”

“Kate and Jane also confronted me saying that me not getting anything made the party awkward.”

“I apologized profusely and told them what happened.”” All my friends are still mad at me and are still implying I’m an AH.”

“Should I have handled this differently?

“Am I really an AH Reddit?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. If you ‘not feeling well’ was enough to be a ‘buzzkill’ I imagine you honestly saying you couldn’t afford the meal would also have been a ‘buzzkill.'”

“It was rude of your friends to change the venue from one price bracket to another without warning anyone.”

“Your friends seem callous if they are still angry after you explained.” ~ Background-Aioli4709

“Also the ‘You could have paid me back’ How does this change anything?!”

“A 100 bucks dinner is just over the budget – it doesn’t matter if she pays it now or later.”

“And this stupid ‘It is a surprise!'”

“I would want to know if i go to a steakhouse or to an exclusive dinner place, also because to know how to dress.”

“Or if I even want to go. NTA.”  ~ EvilFinch

“This is what makes sense to me, especially if it was the parent’s idea to get together and they chose the place.”

“I offer to pay for my parents all the time and they don’t let me.”

“The most I’m allowed to buy for my parents is like, a Starbucks.”

“My mom thinks it’s weird when parents make their kids pay.”

“Also NTA, OP.”

“It was rude of them to not tell anyone ahead of time about the venue and budget change.”

“Also disclosing your financial situation in front of people at the table is also awkward AF.”

“And if you had done that they’d be mad too- just like they were mad you killed the vibe by saying you weren’t feeling well.”

“What if you truly were sick and weren’t able to eat? Yikes.” ~ cyaveronica

“I’ve had this happen the other way around.”

“I showed up at a fancy steak house dressed up but I got the time wrong so I was late.”

“Turns out my friend didn’t tell me they changed the venue to a sports bar.”

“So we both made mistakes and no one got upset.”

“It was a little weird being dressed up at a sports bar where no one else was but I like beer and wings and the point was my friends birthday.”

“People invite you for your company more than gifts and buying things, in my opinion.” ~ ConcentrateRegular79

OP responded…

“Yeah I’m pretty upset how they handled it.”

“They know I have a tight budget right now, so I have no idea why the thought I could just drop $100 plus like that.”

“They are still treating me pretty poorly and accusing me of ‘exaggerating my circumstances’ just to be cheap.”

‘I think I’m definitely going to take a break from them for now, and reevaluate the friendship.”

Reddit continued….

“Please don’t bash yourself about this, you were 100% right in how you handled it.”

“Take some time away from them and see how you feel about them later.”

“I was in a similar situation in my twenties, was laid off (thank you recession of 2008) and had hard time finding another job for a while.”

“During that period one friend invited me to her husband’s birthday and hinted that she expects gifts for both him and her?!”

“All this after me venting to her previously about not having a job and money for anything.”

“Well, I didn’t say anything but didn’t go to that party and pretty much cut contact with her.”

“And there were some other people like that, all cut off.”

“Then, there was my best guy friend who got married also during same period.”

“And when inviting me he said that he absolutely doesn’t care about presents.”

“That he knows my situation and not to dare to borrow money or not come, he wanted me to be there for his big day and celebrate with them!”

“Made me cry, but he’s my friend to this day.”

“Along with other people who are normal humans. NTA.”  ~ DraMeowQueen

“Even if you ARE exaggerating your circumstances, no one else gets to dictate how you spend your money.”

“It’s absolutely none of their business.”

“It’s common courtesy to let people know the venue of a meal so they can make a decision for themselves! NTA.” ~ Historical-Ad-127

“NTA my friend.”

“Where you went wrong, is as soon as you saw that the minimum was $100 per person, you should have said this is NOT what you expected, its not within your budget and walked out.”

“They would’ve still probably called you rude, buzzkilll, and a**hole, but WHO CARES?”

“They unfairly and completely thoughtlessly put you in a totally unacceptable situation.”

“Afterward I’d have called the birthday girl to apologize, but only that there was drama at her party NOT because you felt like you did anything wrong.”  ~ EmeraldBlueZen

“NTA. The restaurant should not have been a secret for any of the attendees.”

“Kate and Jane made things awkward, not you.”

“Any chance they put you on the spot by not telling you the name of the restaurant because they knew that you would decline because of the cost?”

“No one should have been expected to put themselves in a financial bind to celebrate someone’s birthday.”  ~ PsychologyAutomatic3

“NTA. Your friends are rude as all get out.”

“You don’t change a restaurant from a regular one to super expensive without notice and just say… surprise.”

“I am not struggling financially right now but man I would be MAD if someone did that to me regardless of my financial status at that moment.”

“I do not do meals like that and would consider the regular restaurant a splurge.”

“Super rude and inconsiderate of all of them.”

“YOU have nothing to apologize for.”

“THEY have a lot to apologize for.” ~ herdingcats2020

Well OP, Reddit is with you.

Don’t be ashamed about your finances.

You do you.

Take some time and appreciate you.