Every now and then, we've all had to spend time in the company of people we would rather avoid.
Even if we would prefer to be anywhere, with anyone, else, most of the time, we put on a brave face, and try to get through our time as best we can.
Which doesn't mean we won't try to get out of spending time with these individuals if it's at all possible.
The younger brother of Redditor ExpertFew151 had a friend who loved being around the original poster (OP).
Unfortunately, the feeling wasn't mutual, resulting in the OP looking for any and every opportunity to avoid being in the company of this particular friend.
Even when her mother scolded her for doing so.
Having some doubts about her choices, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for refusing to be home when my brothers friend is?"
The OP explained why she always wanted to be out of the house whenever her younger brother's friend was paying a visit:
"I am 16 female and have a little brother who is 13 that I will call W."
"W has good friend that is some type of neurodivergent/special needs, she is also 13 and I will call her Ada.'
"I’m not sure what, as I know she is insecure about it so I didn’t ask."
"A is at our house regularly, and it makes everything extremely stressful."
"Ada has specific routines and behaviors that make everything difficult and unpleasant."
"I have nothing against her as a person, it’s not her fault but it’s still an issue."
"Ada needs her and everyone around her to do things like: eat 1 of 3 specific meals, do a nightly routine that takes about 2 hours, absolutely no noise not made by her or something approved by her, and many other things."
"If we weren't also forced to follow her routine, this might have been bearable but we have to as well."
"So whenever I hear she’s coming over I make plans with friends to avoid this. after a few months of this my mom noticed and said i should stay home sometimes to be a positive female role model for Ada (her moms dead and she’s an only child) but I refused."
"Now my moms stopped telling me when Ada’s coming over to try and force me to stay, but I still don’t and just make last minute plans or hang out at the park. my moms stopped telling confronted me about it again last night, saying Ada really likes me and wants to see me but I’m worn out enough from school and I’m not babysitting someones kid who is a nightmare to be around."
"My moms mad and I’m start to wonder if I’m an a**hole."
"So am I?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP. was not the a**hole for wanting to avoid spending time with Ada.
Everyone agreed that the OP was under no obligation to be any sort of role model to Ada, with others feeling her neurodivergence didn't justify her demanding behavioral traits:
"I’m not sure being neurodivergent means it’s ok to be controlling and rude."
"It seems she’s old enough to learn some social manners that will help her in life."
"What happens when you don’t do what she says?"- Euphoric_Fish_617
"NTA."
"She doesn’t need anyone else to follow her routine."
"Whoever is raising her is doing a bad job at handling her expectations."- crazybicatlady86
"Have a direct conversation with your mom."
"Let her know that this really does stress you out."
"You are not in the position to be a 'positive female role model' for this girl as you are still trying to figure your own stuff out."
"Make your plans and feel zero guilt."
"NTA."- Fatkitty22
"NTA."
"Your mum is mad because she’s sick of Ada and wants to pawn her off on you instead of dealing with her herself or telling her dad to deal with her."
"Letting Ada force everyone else to follow her routine, and allowing her to dictate meals and noise in someone else’s home, is ridiculous."- Outrageous-Ad-9635
"NTA."
"Keep leaving."
"If a time ever comes when you can't, for whatever reason, don't follow Ada's routines."
"Kindly tell her you'll be having a different dinner and that you have your own nighttime routine, you do."
"Tell Mom you'll stop avoiding Ada when she does her job and makes sure Ada knows the people in your house won't be following her routines, although she's welcome to do them herself."
"She and the person raising Ada are doing her a grave disservice by making her think the world will conform to her rather than teaching her how to navigate the world."
"Yes her caregiver is more at fault, but your mom is complicit and isn't making sure you're comfortable in your home."-ApprehensiveBook4214
"'if we weren't also forced to follow her routine, this might have been bearable but we have to as well'."
"Who decided that?"
"It's your house too, you shouldn't have to feel like you can't be yourself in your own home."- peakpenguins
"NtA."
"And if you ever are forced to be home do not follow the Quiet for 2 hours routine."
"You don't have to be her positive female influence."
"Your mom can be if she wants to."- Global_Loss6139
"NTA."
"Not your kid, not your friend, you should be able to relax at your own home."
"Honestly some push back on trying to dictate what everyone else does might be good for her."
"How the hell does she cope at school if she cant handle other people making noise?"- Laguna-VIII
"NTA."
"Stay home but ignore her 'routine'."
"Just do what you want."
"If it bothers 'Ada', she can go home."
"Start asking your mom why Ada being comfortable is more important than you being comfortable in your own home."-UrsinetheMadBear
"NTA."
"Why are your parents even putting up with this sh*t?"
"Sounds like Ada needs to start spending more time at her own home."
"It’s not heathy for your brother to be so controlled by this girl either."- Overall_Dream_3195
"NTA."
"Whoever is the primary caregiver for this child is not doing her any favors by setting the expectation that others have to obey her rules."
"Her routines and preferences do not get to dictate what anyone else eats / does / is or is not 'allowed' to do and so forth."
"This is something you have to have a serious discussion with your parents, when neither your brother or Ada are around, about because this is not reasonable to ask of you."
"Your parents may need to have a talk with Ada's caregiver(s) about this."
"They are enabling her to be rude and controlling and that is setting her up for future failure."
"And absolutely do not agree to babysit her or accept any responsibility for her."- Objective-Pound2185
"NTA."
"This is ridiculous, and her parents are doing her a huge disservice with how they're raising her."
"The older she gets, the less the world will revolve around her."
"I'd do my own thing and tell her nicely that at your house, you don't have to follow her rules."
"And you don't have to be around her if you don't want to."
"Don't let others try to guilt you."- emryldmyst
"NTA."
"Your mom is more than welcome to be a positive female role model to Ada."- Cinder_Gimbal
"Do you have your own room where you can separate yourself from them?"
"Why do you need to follow her routines?"
"That is not how the world works."- Soft-Noise8802
"How does your mum justify allowing Ada to dictate others' behavior to such an extent?"
"This situation is crazy."- mitzi_skyring
"NTA."
"Your mom is a female."
"She could be a positive role model."
"The guardian of the child needs to establish boundaries with her."- RainbowMom17
"NTA."
"Your mom can kindly STFU and step in as that positive female role model."
"It's that simple."
"Why is your mom running her mouth anyway?"
"She needs to mind her own business."- PsiBlaze
"NTA."
"Personally, I would stay home and not follow her rules."- NovaLunar721
It is important to lead by example and behave around others as you would want them to behave around you.
That being said, it's also important to learn that there's no guarantee people will kowtow to your every need.
In some ways, the OP is setting a good example for Ada, demonstrating that she can't always get what she wants and will need to learn to deal with it...
