Spouses vow to stick by each other through thick and thin, but does that include taking responsibility for each others misdeeds? Should one spouse cover for the other when they do something they knew was wrong?
A spouse facing that dilemma turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Cheeryjingle asked:
"AITAH for not claiming my husband's speeding ticket which caused him to lose his licence?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"We are not in USA so laws and rules may differ."
"My husband got a speeding ticket going 28kmh over the speed limit in 50kmh zone. Because camera catches only the licence plate he could claim that someone else was driving. That person would the get an email notification and if accepted the fine would go to them."
"The catch is that he had under two years of driving experience therefore for such violation he had to go to some extra classes. He was asking me to write that ticket on myself because I have 2+ years of driving experience and it would only be a small fine for me as I had not had any other violations on record."
"I, however, refused because I hate when people speed. I didn't want such violation on my record and I didn't want to make a habit of it."
"Eventually, he failed to show up to those classes within the given year and now he has to retake his driving exam both theory and practice. He's very angry at me for multiple days now and saying it's my fault."
"I stand my ground because I didn't know he will fail to go to classes and lose his licence."
"AITAH?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to make their husband responsible for his own mistakes (NTA).
"No one seems to be focusing on that he had a year to fix this with some classes, and he spent an entire year ignoring it."
"You can't have a court tell you to do something and then decide you don't want to. That's entirely on the person being lazy and obstinate." ~ Appropriate-Roof426
"Yes! It’s been a whole 12 months for him to sit in a room for an hour every week (or whatever), that’s on him. That’s on top of the fact that he kept you in the dark about the issue in the first place."
"HUGE RED FLAG here, OP - what if this was something really important that had a bigger impact on you? What if it had to do with legal residency status, the home you live in or custody of future children? Is this a risk you want to talk with your life?" ~ skitterybug
"Absolutely this! He was the one speeding. He needs to take responsibility for his actions. It’s not on you to take the blame." ~ probably_preoccupied
"I had to take a few online classes after I totaled my car and it was so easy to just get it over with. Maybe the classes for OP's country are also online and easy, but even if they're in-person, he needed to do the damn thing, not ask his wife to accept the ticket for him and faff around on his classes."
"OP's husband reminds me of my brother. He threw a hissy fit over getting a $500 speeding ticket when he was going 92 in a 65 with his then-fiancee and her three-year-old daughter in the car."
"He got EXTREMELY lucky. If he'd been on his own, he probably would have been taken to jail. Hell, he still got really close to being taken to jail because he doesn't know how to play "go along to get along" with cops. ACAB and all, but if one pulls me over, I'm behaving. Even when being questioned for making a mass shooting threat online, he could not resist being a dick to the cop."
"My brother has a lot of problems."
"He tried to say he was just going with the flow of traffic, but that's a garbage excuse. Just because there are a**holes willing to speed that fast on the highway doesn't mean he has to be one of them. I consistently piss other drivers off because I won't go more than five over the posted limit. I've never been pulled over for speeding, but they probably have." ~ No-The-Other-Paige
"A $500 fine for that? Here, that speed would be an automatic 12-month license suspension and a fine of 75-125% of his weekly income. He should count himself lucky at $500." ~ Papfox
"SO much this, OP!! Ditch the man-baby or tell him to grow TF up!" ~ TheMage18
"Exactly! He got the ticket then couldn't be bothered to show up for the classes? Na, 100% on him." ~ stomper4x4
"OP, so he's mad at you because he screwed up and continued to ignore it? I cant possibly see how your TAH for this. NTA." ~ Tazmosis85
"OP, you are NTA for not lying to the police to cover your entitled husband's ticket…" ~ HUNGWHITEBOI25
"Also, HE was the one who skipped the classes. Insane that he is trying to make this OP's fault. Or did he expect her to go to the classes too?" ~ yokozunahoshoryu
"My ex used to ask me to remind him to do things, then he'd flatly refuse and get angry with me for 'nagging.' Then when the consequences kicked in he got mad at me again for not making him do the thing." ~ VodkaKahluaMilkCream
"So your husband is a dangerous driver, he’s lazy, he’s incompetent, and he blames you for his failures? Did his mommy do everything for him until he moved in with you? Or maybe even still now?"
"I really hope this loser has a lot to offer in every other area of your lives because this is giving pathetic man-child."
"NTA, but, ugh. I would lose all attraction to any man that behaved this way." ~ No-Carob4909
"Honestly I could easily forgive him asking me to do that but his behavior about the consequences for his choices and his clear resentment that I didn’t sacrifice my reputation for his lack of responsibility behind the wheel would be relationship ruiners."
"That attitude would make me question our past with lots of scrutiny about times he asked or expected me to be the one to smooth over tense situations."
"Maybe he is as good about covering for OP as he expected her to be for him (but I personally doubt that), and it’s reasonable for him to ask, but whether that’s true or not, he definitely is overstepping by ignoring the legal ramifications until they blew up in his face and then blaming her for the obligation he decided not to fulfill."
"That doesn’t sound like a good partner, it doesn’t even sound like a good child, so maybe she should send him back to his mama for a refresher course with her before he redoes his driving certification…" ~ Nexi92
"The rules are this way so that dangerous/incompetent drivers are removed from the road until the can prove they have improved slightly. OP, your husband wouldn't have gotten a ticket if he was a safe driver. You are a safe driver don't take the blame for his idiocy." ~ MuffinMadness123
"100% agreed, the audacity to blame OP for his own laziness and bad driving is a massive red flag." ~ toughspare9044
"Speeding in a 50 is one thing, asking her to take the blame, is another thing, but getting mad at her for not fixing his mistakes, and then not taking court mandated classes for a year and then blaming her for that‽‽" ~ moritz_heckel
"NTA. Not only did he feel entitled for you to basterdise your own name, he then refused to turn up to the mandatory classes."
"It's clear he's not fit to be a driver. And it's likely his reckless behaviour would soon be repeated anyways and guess who'd come knocking again."
"Sorry your husband is treating you so poorly. Definitely not your fault OP." ~ WeWillTaxBees
"There was a high-profile case in the U.K. 20-odd years ago where a politician, Chris Huhne, persuaded his then-wife to claim the speeding ticket rather than suffer the consequences. The offence took place in 2003 and went to court in 2013. They were both jailed for 8 months, as perverting the course of justice is a serious offence. You're definitely NTA, but your husband is." ~ Worried_Suit4820
OP's husband chose to speed. Then he chose not to attend the classes mandated because he got caught speeding.
It seems like his current situation is the direct consequence of his own choices. Unless their spouse vowed to clean up their messes, their lack of a driver's license is entirely their fault and their responsibility.
