When planning a guest list for a wedding, it's often far more difficult to decide who doesn't make the cut for the guest list than it is to decide who does.
Even for people who say they only want a "small wedding," they find themselves surprised when faced with just how small they want it.
Generally speaking, family is always a priority on the guest list.
That is, if we are close with our family.
The niece of Redditor Novel_Message_7224 was soon to be married.
Much to her surprise, the original poster (OP) learned that she hadn't been invited to the wedding.
While the OP's sister wanted to talk to her and explain how things came to be this way, the OP was not interested in listening.
Concerned this might not have been a fair decision, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not wanting to have a conversation with my sister after finding out I'm not invited to her daughters wedding?"
The OP explained why she wasn't interested in hearing what her sister had to say regarding her exclusion from her niece's wedding:
"I 50 year old female have an awkward relationship with my family."
"The entire dynamic is strained, however I am present at holidays and graduations and up to this point have always been included."
"My niece is getting married in September and I didn't get an invitation."
"I am not especially close with her, but that was because they chose to exclude me not because I didn't want to be there."
"I am the only living sister she has, our older sister passed away 5 years ago, young and unexpectedly, and her husband and his new wife got an invitation to the wedding."
"Now that my sister knows I am upset she wants to talk to me, but there just isn't anything she could say to make the snub acceptable to me."
"Am I the a**hole for not wanting to have a conversation with my sister after she didn't invite me to her daughter's wedding?"Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
While many felt the OP wasn't telling the whole story, making it hard for them to make a judgment, the majority of the Reddit community had little to no sympathy for the OP.
Most felt that the OP was leaving out too much information, feeling there must be a more specific reason that she was being excluded from the wedding that she wasn't making clear:
"INFO: Why did they chose to exclude you?"
"If even the BIL's new wife got an invite, why not you?"
"Did something happened between you two before?"
"Is there any information you purposely leave out?"- Frankensteins_Kid
"Info."
"You say it is awkward and strained."
"Why."- lark_song
"Info: Why do you think that it’s up to your sister to invite you to her daughters wedding?"
"Do you realize that it is actually your nieces wedding and it is up to your niece alone if you are invited or not - not your sister?"
"This sounds like a LOT of misplaced feelings because you don’t understand who actually has a say in who gets invited."
"Sure, you can be hurt that your NIECE didn’t invite you but why do you blame your sister for it?"- arifaix
Some, on the other hand, felt that the OP had a right to be hurt, but that ultimately, it was up to her niece whether she could or couldn't come to her wedding:
"NAH Your sister doesn't invite people to her daughter's wedding."
"Her daughter does."
"Your niece excluded you for a reason."
"You can tell your sister you're hurt, but ultimately, if you're not close with your niece, really, why would you want to go?"-CatsMom4Ever
While others found it a bit telling that the OP's sister wanted to offer an explanation but the OP didn't want to hear it:
"YTA."
"You barely have a relationship with her."
"And your sister wants to have a grown up discussion about it, and you're basically like 'nope, this is unforgivable, done with you forever'.
"I'm very skeptical of the "chose to exclude me".- Usrname52
"YTA."
"You are carefully weighing slights you feel have been unjustly directed at you."
"And you also don't want to talk about it."
"That's not how this works."
"That's not how anything works."- DotBeech
"YTA."
"I suspect the reason you are not invited and the reason you are refusing to speak to the bride's mother, your sister, over not being invited are related." IamnotaCST
"You're upset and you don't want to give anyone the chance to a) make it right or b) explain their reasoning."
"Is this normal behavior for you?"
"YTA."- ishadish
"YTA."
"Why do you say 'she' when it’s your nieces wedding. you said you’re not close to your niece so why would she invite you?"
"No one owes you anything, especially an invitation to a wedding they are paying for. get over yourself."- darthraedr
"YTA."
"You weren’t apart of her life."
"I have like 3 cousins I haven’t seen or talked to in 15yrs."
"They’ve all gotten married without inviting me and I still talk to their parents (my aunt) on occasion like nothing ever happened."
"It ain’t that deep."- Sugardeaddy420
"Yes YTA, she isn’t the one who didn’t invite you."- Upset-Wolf3820
"YTA."
"Her daughter likely did the inviting, as most adults do now, and her daughter gets to decide who she invites to an event she's holding."
"This is not 1953, or even 1983."- maybemaybenot2023
"It's not her wedding so she can't invite you."
"This has to do with they type of wedding your niece wants and your relationship with her."
"Without more info, YTA."- keesouth
The OP would later return with an update, sharing a bit more information about her life:
"I had black kids and I didn't get married."
"I had a mental health crisis from ptsd, the economy crashed shortly after I fled DV, I lost my job, couldn't find another, then I became homeless with my children, my parents offered them a place, without me, and I let them go."
"I lost my mind for awhile."
"I started therapy, went to and graduated college, they didn't come for that, and I continued to work on me."
"They used my kids like a weapon and I let my mental health be in the way for far too long, but I have never been who they think I am and I don't feel obligated to convince them."
"They made my children not respect me and I have fought like hell to get back to them, if that makes me the bad guy, for wanting a relationship with my babies, I will forever be one."
"The sad part is, I hope she has the most magical day, it is everything she has ever dreamed of, and is blissfully happy in her marriage."
"Her mother is worried I will try to crash it."
"I don't see how I could ever be seen as the bad guy in that."
"Thank you all for your words."
"Life is messy and sometimes, it doesn't work out like we plan."
"I have not always had the best control of my emotions, but am grateful today for an ability to use words to express myself."
"My family dynamic is complicated by so many things I chosen not to share, but I still do not feel my feelings are misplaced."
"These people chose to be my parents."
"It sometimes feels like they wanted to get a refund when I refused to do life their way."
"Maybe that is why the hurt is so heavy."
"At any rate the sun will shine another day and I always have therapy and Jesus."
"Be blessed and go where people make you feel loved and included we all need that."
After reading the update, the Reddit community tended to sympathize with the OP even less, tending to agree that everything she shared about her life still didn't really explain why she was estranged from her niece and sister:
"YTA."
"But not for this."
"Don’t talk to them, they don’t like you. It’s fine."
"But pretending that somehow your black children who you’ve abandoned into your parent’s care are to blame is so nasty, racist, unhinged and demented."
"Your children haven’t done this to you."
"I imagine they haven’t done anything at all as they are welcome at the wedding."
"Go to bed Liz."- the-B-from-App23
It can't be a good feeling knowing that you're not wanted at a family gathering.
That being said, it seems that there is a reason the OP's niece doesn't want her there.
Had the OP been willing to talk to her sister about this, there may have been a chance that she could have ended up at the wedding.
Something that now seems completely out of the question.
