Finding the perfect dresses for a bridal party can take a lot of planning.
There are so many styles and themes to choose from.
One of the biggest issues, though, is cost.
Any and all types of wedding dresses can be costly.
This can lead to a lot of headaches.
Redditor Separate_Bobcat_773 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole"(AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for not paying for my niece's flower girl dresses and choosing to go with a different flower girl??"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (25 F[emale]) am getting married on May 31st, 2026."
"So far, the wedding has been drama-free, but an issue arose today around an hour ago, so it is still very fresh."
"I had my three nieces as my flower girls in my wedding."
"I only wanted the youngest as she is closest in age to my own child, but did not think it was fair to exclude her sisters, ages 5, 9, and 10."
"I had asked them to be my flower girls and my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] to be a bridesmaid around 10 months ago."
"The wedding is currently less than 2 months away, and my brother and SIL could not afford the flower girl dresses."
"I gave my SIL $200 of the $300 it would cost to buy the dresses to help and offered to pay for her son's tux as he would be a ring bearer. "
"They never bought the dresses because they could not afford them and sent the money back to me with the intent that I order the dresses."
"I saw that my SIL posted on Facebook looking for someone to take family pictures."
"This was very frustrating as I was covering the cost of the dresses and tuxes, which would cost me around $400 total."
"I did text her, and she explained their situation, and I responded that she understood why it was still annoying."
"My older brother then texted me a long message and insisted it was mine or my father's job to pay for everything."
"That they spent less than $300 on their wedding total, and that he was not going to tell me, but they never planned on buying the dresses that they wanted to buy something else."
"I have already made other accommodations for my brother and SIL in my wedding, as my SIL had complained about her son not being at the wedding (I'm having a child-free wedding; the kids in the bridal party are the only kids there and are leaving after the ceremony)."
"Hence why her son was going to be a ring bearer along with my son."
"I did this because I did not want to deal with the drama of it all."
"I did not agree with my brother and told him he did what he wanted for his wedding, but this was my wedding, and they had almost a year to put money back for the dresses."
"Again, they only needed $100 as I was paying the rest."
"My brother called me a few choice words and said some other rude things, but I was very blunt with him and ended it by saying I would find a different flower girl."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So, Reddit AITA for kicking out my nieces and or not paying for their dresses??"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP WAS the A**hole, and many thought everybody involved was making a mess.
"I mean, this may just be because I'm from the UK, but here it's considered incredibly tacky to ask someone to be in your wedding party and not pay for their outfits. YTA."
"Edit- this has blown up a bit, so I thought I'd say on here instead of replying individually."
"I did say I'm in the UK, I'm aware it's not the norm specifically in the US (apparently other places in Europe and Canada they do it the same as here though, so maybe the US needs to change...)."
"For my wedding, my bridesmaids (4 of them) picked out the dress they wanted, and I only chose the colour and the shop, which has hundreds of styles."
"They paid if they wanted it altered and paid for shoes if they wanted new ones, but I said they could wear any shoes."
"I bought them jewelry on the day as a surprise to say thank you for standing up with me; it was part of a goodie bag with matching slippers, an emergency kit, etc."
"I paid for makeup, and my SIL did their hair, but I would have paid for that too."
"We asked for no gifts, which is becoming a lot more normal in the UK for my generation (late millennial)." ~ slippery-pineapple
"YTA - if any sibling is in the wedding, they should have all gotten an invite from the start."
"Correcting that wasn’t an accommodation; it was being a decent aunt."
"Explaining why little sister gets to go to Auntie OP’s wedding, but the others don’t is an AH thing to dump on someone.
Either go full childfree, immediate family, or any - this approach was drama waiting to happen."
"Anyway, you sound like you’re treating children as props instead of people you actually want there.'
"If $100 is worth more to you than having them there, that’s your decision."
“'It’s my wedding, I get to decide how much money you spend.' Ridiculous." ~ lizfour
"To me, it depends."
"My bridesmaids picked their own style of dress, just in one color they all agreed was pretty."
"A few had shorter dresses that they’ve reused for other events, the others had longer dresses they felt comfortable in."
"The dresses were all $200 or less.
"I bought their shoes and jewelry."
"They did whatever hairstyle and makeup they wanted.
"Anything I wanted, I paid for."
"Anything they wanted."
"They paid for." ~ Ok-Complex-3019
"My suggestion is probably not going to be popular with a lot of the posters, but here goes."
"Just pay for the flower girl dresses as a gift for your nieces."
"They shouldn't be punished for your brother's decision."
"They will always remember that auntie included them in her special day." ~ Outside-Signature600
"ESH, it was demanding of your SIL to demand her kids all be the flower girls."
"But it’s also really tacky of you to have the kids only be there just for show during the ceremony, then be required to go home immediately after?"
"What’s up with that?"
"They don’t even get to eat the wedding food/cake or whatever as a thank you for playing the parts in your wedding?"
"They just show up, then go home once you don’t need them anymore?"
"The parents need to leave the wedding to take them home/with a babysitter, then come back?"
"That’s very tacky in my opinion."
"Either exclude the kids entirely, or let them stay the full time as a thank you for their work in helping your wedding come together."
"You also should just try to find cheaper dresses."
"$400 on dresses for 3 young children is quite a lot, especially since they’ll likely grow out of it before they wear it again." ~ Gabby_Craft
"ESH. If you want them to pay for the dresses, then they should be able to pick something they can afford."
"If you want to pick the dresses, then you should pay for them."
"You keep saying it’s 'only $100.' That reeks of privilege. "
"That could be the difference between eating and not eating."
"It’s not a small amount of money to everyone."
"They also should have been upfront about not buying the dresses and told you no, rather than hiding it or putting it off." ~ ArmTrue4439
"ESH. You don’t have to make every child in the family part of the wedding party."
"You should’ve just chosen the one or two who are the appropriate age, and paid for their outfits entirely."
"But if you have a young son and daughter, it would’ve been less drama to not make any nieces/nephews part of the wedding party at all."
"You’re making the unnecessary inclusion of extra flower girls and ring bearers, but then skipping the necessary step of paying for their outfits you picked out."
"But I also think if a bride and groom invite you to participate in the wedding party on your own dime, you should respectfully tell them it’s not in your budget and attend as a guest, not pressure them to do things the way you want at their own wedding."
"They should leave the kids at home and attend as guests."
"I think it’s cumbersome and creates drama to leave most of the kids from a household at home and have just one come for the ceremony." ~ Tricky-Wrap-2578
"It sounds like you've already tried to make accommodations for them, giving them the majority of the cost of the dresses, paying for the tux, adding three extra children to your wedding, and they still couldn't be bothered to put in a little effort."
"NTA. Tell your brother and SIL they are welcome as guests, but they will need to leave the kids at home."
"What they spent on their wedding has absolutely NOTHING to do with your wedding." ~ Discount_Mithral
"NTA. A year is not only more than reasonable to save $100, but it’s also more than ample time for your brother and SIL to let you know they cannot accommodate it."
"They sound like jerks, to be honest."
"If removing your nieces from the ceremony results in a lack of closeness, as someone else suggested, then there wasn’t a strong bond to begin with. In the scheme of life, this is pretty trivial." ~ idontwantcovideither
Well, Reddit is all over the map here, OP.
It is your special day.
You get to choose whoever you want.
Sounds like there are going to be consequences no matter what.
Good luck and congratulations!
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Cancel Date After He Makes Too Many Sexual Comments