For much too long, women have been pressured to dress and present in ways that both please and appease other people, especially older men.
Even in 2024, this continues to be a problem, and it seems to be worse than ever for young women who have just turned 18 or 19, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Significant-Swim-868 was recently visiting the beach with her family members while wearing a bikini, and she was having a great time.
But once her brother-in-law started policing what she was wearing in front of him, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t about to put up with it.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my BIL (Brother-in-Law) that he has bigger t*ts than me?”
The OP recently went to the beach with her family.
“I (18 Female) went to the beach with my parents, my sister (27 Female), and her husband, my brother-in-law (31 Male).”
“I was wearing a bikini. I guess it was kind of revealing, but I looked good, so it doesn’t matter.”
“Literally, no one had a problem with what I was wearing.”
She was grossed out by how her brother-in-law policed what she was wearing.
“That is, except for my BIL. As soon as he saw my bikini, he started complaining. He told me to put a T-shirt on.”
“I refused, of course.”
“He said I was trying to show off and accused me of being attention-seeking.”
“He also very heavily hinted that I was trying to seduce him, like, ew, as if, he’s 13 years older than me, like, ew, be so f**king for real right now.”
The OP gave her brother-in-law an ultimatum.
“He didn’t have a shirt on, so I could very clearly see that he has bigger t*ts than me, and I’m not that small, so that’s just embarrassing for him.”
“I told him that if I have to cover up, then he should, too, because he has bigger t*ts than me.”
“He called me a b***h and started yelling at me.”
The family lashed out at the OP rather than her brother-in-law.
“My sister said I should apologize because I crossed a line by insulting him like that.”
“My parents agreed with my sister, but my dad laughed and said I was right when we got home.”
“My parents said I should’ve just covered up to keep him happy and not cause any issues.”
“But, like, what do they want me to do? Dress like a Mormon to the f**king beach?”
“Did I go too far? I think it’s so dumb that I have to put a t-shirt on, and yet he doesn’t, even though his chest is way bigger than mine, like what? It’s dumb as f**k.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were grossed out by how sexist most of the OP’s family was.
“WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOUR FAMILY, OP…? Why are you and your father the only ones with any common sense…?”
“Your creepy BIL was criticizing you for how you were dressed and implying you wanted to seduce him (right in front of your sister, mind you), and now they’re mad at you because he had a hissy fit when you gave him a taste of his own medicine…?”
“You’re NTA, not by a long shot but…your family has some WEIRD beliefs about what women should do in order to make others (I mean, men) ‘more comfortable.'” – HUNGWHITEBOI25
“Her family is all enabling him with this attitude, thinking just because he’s older and has bigger t*ts, she should apologize.”
“LIKE HELL NO! I wish everyone had the guts to argue with this big-chested perv, for real.”
“DEFINITELY NTA!!” – K-Sue
“NTA. I like your comment to your BIL.”
“If you are comfortable in a bikini at the beach, then you do you. His opinion is not important. Don’t apologize because you have nothing to apologize for.” – Successful_Bath1200
“Her dad suggested to her she cover up to keep the creep happy. The dad was disappointed in the moment, and who knows if he actually is even on her side and simply said that later when he realized she was still annoyed about it?”
“The dad definitely sucks here too. He can only support his daughter in private but not in public when someone is being extremely rude to her? That makes no sense.” – DeliciousChance5587
“NTA.”
“The OP said, ‘My parents said I should’ve just covered up just to keep him happy and not cause any issues.'”
“Just tell them, ‘Mom, Dad, why should I have to cover up? Why do you think it’s okay for an adult man to demand I hide my body? I wore a perfectly acceptable bikini to the beach. I shouldn’t have to cover up just because my sister’s husband is making unreasonable demands and insinuations. It really hurts that my own parents want me to hide myself just to make a grown man happy.'”
“Your BIL is gross and your family is spineless. Tell them that you will not be shamed or bullied just because your BIL is a perv.” – buttercupgrump
Others agreed and got strong ick vibes and ulterior motives from the OP’s BIL.
“Your family was clearly wrong. NTA. Your BIL is clearly attracted to you. Pretty sickening. Demand an apology and go no contact with anyone on the wrong side of this.” – nsfwns
“OP, be careful. Your brother-in-law is attracted to you. And his problem is not your problem. Good for sticking up for yourself. Don’t apologize. He was harassing you, and you fought back.” – youwantmeformybraiiiiins
“BIL is blaming you for his attraction to you. You are just existing. It is not your responsibility to make him feel comfortable, just because he cannot control his emotions.” – julsey414
“If there is a next time, just look him dead in the eyes and ask him why he’s looking long enough to notice more than the bikini on his wife’s sister.”
“That’s what he should be called out on every single time he makes an issue. Something like, ‘Ewww. I’m you sister-in-law. Why are you oggling me long enough to notice?’ Flip it on him.” – Dangerous-WinterElf
“NTA. Your BIL is a creepy jerk, though. Always keep a good distance between you two and never be alone with him; he doesn’t sound like a safe person.”
“I also have issues with your family for wanting you to listen to him for his comfort. He’s a grown man who can gouge his eyes out of seeing someone in a bikini at a beach is so upsetting!”
“It’s not your responsibility to keep him happy. He’s not your husband, and your sister should rethink what she is willing to put up with from him.” – ninty-nine-probelms
Some agreed with all of the above and demanded the OP get an apology, like, yesterday.
“Demand an apology from this a**hole for calling you a b***h. Not only does he have zero respect for you but he literally called you that in front of his in-laws, which means he has no respect for them, either.”
“Not to mention he is a f**king creep who thinks the world revolves around him and everything that exists only exists for his pleasure, so he can’t even imagine you wearing a bikini NOT FOR HIM.”
“It’s disgusting he would claim you’re trying to seduce him in front of his own wife. Also, you’re eighteen NOW. How long as he been ‘noticing’ you but didn’t say anything?”
“Your whole family is full of creeps.” – OkZone6904
“This whole family sucks, even the father who waited to be back home to say he was with her but only in secret, like what the f**k?”
“My dad would’ve beaten the s**t out of the BIL for talking to his daughter like that on the spot.” – UsualVegetable6062
“Make a power move and refuse to go to family outings with him until he apologizes.”
“Put him in his place. Tell your parents you no longer feel safe around him. He will leave you alone. And stay away from him, he’s no good.”
“You stated a fact, delivering a lethal burn.” – invisible_panda
“Heck, I’d say tell your parents you find it disturbing that your BIL said things to you that are misogynistic, as well as him implying that you could have a sexual relationship with him.”
“Tell them you find it concerning that they picked his side, and it’s an indication of how they would react if he did something to you.”
“Refuse to interact with him until he understands that you two have a familial relationship and that women don’t dress for his sexual gratification.”
“If they make you be around him, call someone and make comments about how unsafe you feel around ‘certain people.’ Just generally throw it back at them all.” – Specific_Impact_367
“I think you are owed an apology from your BIL for him implying you wanted to seduce him, and from your parents for telling you that you should have obeyed your BIL to ‘keep him happy’ when he told you what to wear on your own body.”
“If they do that, then yeah, you may want to apologize for making negative comments about someone’s body. That’s generally not cool, but in this case, it was, by far, the lesser of the evils, and I wouldn’t apologize unless it goes both ways.” – rpslps
Not only was the subReddit super angry and grossed out by the brother-in-law’s behavior toward a young woman who was barely not a minor, but they were even more upset when the OP’s family placed the onus of the issue on her.
It might be one thing if she were trying to walk into a Catholic church in a bikini, but it was something else entirely for the OP to wear a bikini on the beach amongst her family members, including her sister, who saw all of her husband’s behavior and excused it.