Weddings are expensive.
And honeymoons can break the already fragile bank.
This is why so many couples have started to ask for cash instead of putting together a huge bridal registry.
This suggestion doesn’t always sit well with certain guests.
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my sister her wedding idea is tacky?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister and her fiancé are getting married in September, and they just sent out wedding invites.”
“On it, they basically said they have everything they need, so if anyone wants to contribute, they can give a cash contribution towards their honeymoon.”
“They are moving shortly after the wedding so I get they don’t want gifts.”
“However, I found it really tacky, and this weekend, when they came over, I told them that.”
“Not in an accusatory way just when they asked how we liked the invite (my sister designed it) I said I liked the card but the asking for money was tacky.”
“I think gifts are different than money, and they shouldn’t ask for money if they don’t want gifts.”
“My sister got really upset and said it said it was voluntary, and I said so are gifts.”
“She stormed off, and my parents have been angry at me for being an ‘asshole.'”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. This is now very, very common.”
“Back in the old days, it made sense that 21-year-olds who had never lived independently would be in need of a full set of household items for their first home together.”
“Nowadays, with more people getting married later and living together first, there’s really no need to get them stuff they already have.”
“It’s increasingly common to do a fund instead.”
“You’re allowed to privately think it’s tacky, but sharing your unsolicited opinion is very rude.” ~ fizzbangwhiz
“This is exactly what I’m doing for my sweet younger coworker.”
“I’m getting married in a couple of weeks. He asked what we’re getting, and I said we really don’t need anything, so we asked for a few gifts and then a honeymoon fund.”
“I was telling him how we didn’t need anything because we’ve been on our own for 10 years already.”
“He mentioned that he gets it because he’s about to move out on his own for the first time and has nothing.”
“I have a ton of old furniture given to me when I moved out into a storage room.”
“Time to pass on the torch!” ~ Uhmitsme123
“YTA. It’s been common for a while to ask for donations for a honeymoon or starting out fund.”
“It’s how you ask… similar to when people ask for no additional flowers at a funeral but a donation to a charity instead would be kind.”
“Now, if they were doing this new trend of asking for money to cover their own wedding, that would be different… like charging people for their own food, etc.”
“When I was a bridesmaid at my friend’s wedding she did the same, just kindly asked for honeymoon and starting together donations.”
“She said the £50 donation we gave her went towards her dog being boarded at a happy doggy hotel while they had their honeymoon and she was so thankful her dog was well taken care of and she didn’t have to worry!”
“Asking for money FOR a wedding is trashy.”
“Asking for donations in lieu of gifts (especially if the couple already live together) is not.” ~ SabrinaSpellman1
“I’ve been to funerals where they asked for money to help with funeral costs instead of flowers, and I don’t think that’s tacky either.”
“All these ceremonies are expensive, and gifts/flowers are not always what’s needed.”
“OP sounds very young and immature.” ~ longgone*itches
“When I got married, we used the Disneyworld registry, and people put money towards experiences for us to do on our honeymoon (i.e., carriage ride, dinners, etc.).”
“We loved it and so did our guests!”
“And when we wrote our thank you cards we were able to say ‘Thank you for contributing to such a magical moment for us, the carriage ride was a blast!'”
“Personally, I’d much rather know I’m contributing to something the couple will enjoy and actually use rather than giving them an item they’d just as soon return or receive four duplicates of xD.” ~ sammywhammy67
“Friends of mine did something similar, just not Disney.”
“They were going to New Zealand for their honeymoon and they had a whole plan of everything they’d like to do if they could.”
“Their wedding website had a registry page where they’d created these things as items you could ‘buy’ for them, like ‘one-day visit to X nature sanctuary.'”
“Almost like when you buy ‘experiences’ on Groupon if that’s still a thing?”
“I thought it was really cute, and it was nice to be able to choose a specific element to give them (or contribute to).” ~ mwmandorla
“This is really neat.”
“I 100% understand why folks want money, but it feels so cold and impersonal.”
“Though is it much less impersonal if I’m buying a set of wine glasses off a pre-made list?”
“But the way they set it up seems like a great way to bridge that gap.”
“And, of course, money is fungible.”
“If someone buys them museum tickets, then they have cash in their account to pay towards mortgage or drinks or travel insurance.”
“But they still get to thank the person for the fun memorable thing rather than the boring expenses that the cash loosened up the stress over.” ~ PoetryOfLogicalIdeas
“We used Honeyfund as our registry, which was a similar concept for earmarking honeymoon things, and people put cash or checks in their cards.”
“This was nearly 20 years ago now and we didn’t get a lot of kickback, likely because our guest list was made up of lots of folks who had previously or would be merging households.” ~ Due-Frame622
“It’s been quite a few years since I first saw an invitation to a wedding with nicely formulated ‘Instead of gifts bring cash and instead of flowers bring a bottle of something nice.'”
“It’s way easier for guests because a wedding registry isn’t something that’s functioning in our country, so they don’t have to think what to buy (and the new couple doesn’t end up with 10 toasters, 4 sets of crockery, and 7 tea sets).”
“It’s also way better for the newlyweds, as that cash can go towards whatever they want – honeymoon, something nice for their home, towards savings.” ~ TiredOldestSister
“Interestingly in my area, it is common for people to give money to the couple specifically to help cover the wedding expenses, especially the food.”
“Generally the couple isn’t asking for a specific amount, just a monetary gift instead of something else they might already have.”
“I am with you: Celebrate the wedding you can afford.”
“But I don’t think it’s on me to judge how the couple spends the money gifted to them.”
“Offsetting some of the wedding costs? Fine.”
“Paying for a honeymoon? Fine.”
“Buying some household appliance? Fine.”
“It’s not my money anymore.” ~ Bonschenverwerter
“YTA most weddings I’ve seen in the last 10 years are like that.”
“They set up a pretty box to drop donations in. “
“Don’t like it, don’t donate.”
“Personally I love it.”
“Would much rather just give them cash than shop for a gift they may get multiples of.” ~ Mommabroyles
“Wedding registries like Zola and The Knot provide for this, it’s now very much the norm.”
“If people want to designate a honeymoon fund or house fund, why not?”
“Makes zero difference to me as the gift giver whether I do that or buy linens or kitchenware.”
“YTA. You don’t like it, fine.”
“No one asked you, did they?” ~ Dunesgirl
“I don’t know where you reside but it’s really common now for people to state on their invites that in lieu of gifts, people could contribute to a honeymoon fund.”
“Because it’s not like how it was previously generations where some people wouldn’t have been cohabitating prior to getting married.”
“It’s one of those things that I think can feel tacky if you’ve not already experienced it but once that feeling subsides, you’ll see that it’s a pretty normal thing. Soft YTA.” ~ coastalkid92
“I disagree with ‘soft,’ OP can think whatever they want but there’s zero reason to express it to the bride, especially using terminology like ‘tacky.'”
“I just attended a wedding with the same request and there was much discussion about how much was appropriate but no one thought it was tacky.”
“‘Your request for cash makes me uncomfortable because I don’t know what amount would be reasonable’ would be a much more appropriate way to express the feelings without insulting the bride and groom.”
“For some reason, we think a physical item worth $50 is somehow more valuable to a person than $50 cash so the cash part makes us feel uncomfortable.”
“There’s also implied approval to only spend $50 if that’s the cost of the gift listed on the registry, ‘Cash’ is ambiguous.” ~ whataquokka
“YTA. Didn’t ask for your opinion did they?”
“Ask yourself what the purpose of you making this comment to her was.”
“It certainly wasn’t to get them to change it right?”
“They already sent out the invitations.”
“Here’s my opinion, since YOU ASKED FOR IT, you did this for no other reason than to punch down and elevate your own sense of moral superiority at your sister’s expense.”
“That is 100% an AH move.” ~ WTxLeanin
“YTA, it’s extremely common, especially for couples that have been living together for years and have no need of anything.”
“It’s still voluntary, and people can give traditional gifts if they want, but it’s what the couple want, so it’s fine.”
“I have been to several weddings where this was the request and I was very happy to comply.” ~ jael001
“YTA. Listen, I get it.”
“I am an oldster and was shocked when people started indicating that they’d prefer money to gifts for weddings, but the practice has become commonplace, particularly as most young people these days set up housekeeping together long before they formally marry.”
“Thus, they have everything they need.”
“Traditions evolve over time, and your sister is simply following the rather practical trend of suggesting that gifts are not necessary, but if a guest would like to give a gift, the bride and groom would prefer money.”
“I think you might owe your sister an apology.” ~ kindcrow
Well, OP, Reddit has some issues with your behavior.
Maybe some wedding research is in order.
Many people seem to feel that receiving money as a gift is never a bad thing, especially if it’s for the honeymoon.
You can ask for gifts when you have your wedding or big life event.