We've all known someone who thinks that they're better than everyone else and that nothing is good enough for them.
Spending time with someone who only values the most expensive and elite is honestly exhausting, agreed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit, and really not worth it most of the time.
Redditor Double-Schedule3160 was getting pretty fed up with her brother's girlfriend, whom her brother regularly insisted that she spend time with.
But when the girlfriend constantly picked at where she shopped and what she did for fun, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't the most interested in including her in her wedding plans.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for letting someone skip my bachelorette party and not telling them new details that would've changed their mind?"
The OP didn't get along particularly well with her brother's girlfriend.
"My brother has been trying to push me to get closer to his girlfriend, 'Mary' (together three months)."
"I've done my best to get to know her (initiating dinners, trying her hobbies with her, etc.), but we honestly don't really get along."
"I personally think she's a snob (she complimented my designer bag, but took the compliment back when she found out it was thrifted. As in she literally said, 'Yikes, I take that back') while she thinks I lack 'culture and sophistication' (also something she's mentioned when trying to convince me to do a 'makeover' with her)."
The OP's brother was insistent that she include her in her wedding plans.
"The issue is that I'm getting married this year, and my brother has been REALLY trying to get her involved. I put my foot down with the bridal party since they've only been dating for three months and I don't know her, but he insisted that I invite her to the bachelorette."
"It was originally supposed to be super lowkey and local. Mary tried to push for something more extravagant, but it really wasn't in my budget."
"When I wouldn't budge, she told us something came up that weekend, and she couldn't go."
But then the OP's friends did something wonderful for her.
"I was later surprised by my friends who had come together to organize a lavish weekend through favors and points (i.e., one of my friend's aunts works for a spa, so she was able to get discounted packages, another used her travel points to book a suite, etc.)."
"I was not told about this and was truly and happily surprised."
The OP's brother and girlfriend lashed out after the event.
"The issue is that Mary found out when we posted pictures, and she was P**SED."
"My brother is now saying that I deliberately left her out, but she told me she was busy!"
"Mary said that if she had known what the weekend was like, though, she would have rearranged her schedule."
"I feel conflicted because I suspect that my friends didn't tell Mary on purpose, but they're claiming they made these plans after Mary bowed out and didn't reach back out since she was busy."
"My brother still says I should have double-checked and made more of an effort to let Mary know my plans, so I figured I'd ask the internet for their thoughts!"
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said that the girlfriend didn't get to decide which party was "good enough" for her.
"What Mary is saying is, 'I don't care about YOU enough to rearrange to celebrate YOU, but I do care about ME having a good time enough to figure out scheduling in order to have a good time for ME.' It's all about her." - Gigglemage
"If the plans change enough that the stated reason for not attending would not be relevant to the new plans, that's one thing."
"Mary's stated reason was that she was busy that weekend, and nothing changed about when it was happening. Even taking her at face value, there was nothing to indicate that the plans changed enough that an invitation should be re-issued."
"Not taking her at face value, well..."
"The reason she's mad is that her actual reason for not attending (her perception of the plans as beneath her) was no longer relevant. You know, the reason she didn't give up when making her excuses was because it would be rude and entitled to say so. (Though that doesn't seem to have stopped her from implying it through her complaints now.)"
"On the plus side, Mary not bothering to attend meant OP could have a great bachelorette party without her, and that OP wouldn't have to deal with Mary's general personality and the personality clash that would have resulted."
"P.S. OP is NTA, obviously." - Repulsive-Error9728
"Miss Snooty-pants has made it quite obvious that OP isn't good enough for her. OP doesn't need to spend any more energy trying to befriend this woman." - Mrs_Weaver
"She wouldn't have liked it anyway: it was obtained by points/employee discounts, so the 'thrift' might have rubbed off on her or smelled funny if she had gone, anyway." - quats555
"The bachelorette party is supposed to be about celebrating the bride-to-be. I would point out to your brother that his 'lovely' girlfriend literally told you point blank that she would have rearranged her schedule to accommodate something she thought she'd enjoy, which means that whatever fake thing she was pretending clashed with your party, it was clearly something that could be 'rearranged' at her convenience."
"And yet, even if we pretend that her other plans were real, she clearly didn't care enough about celebrating you as the bride to rearrange her plans up until that point."
"I would ask your brother quite bluntly if he actually cares about you or how you feel as a bride and his sister, being treated as nothing more than a source of entertainment for his girlfriend. Because not only are you NTA, but looked at through that lens, she actually owes you an apology for making your special occasion all about herself."
"Also, slightly off-topic, but she's not nearly as 'cultured and sophisticated' as she thinks. As someone who has literally socialized with heads of state and has lots of old money relatives, I can tell you without hesitation that: 1) someone who actually has any culture or sophistication would NEVER make that statement; it's incredibly tacky and rude; and 2) anyone who knows anything about actual high fashion knows that vintage and thrifted designer finds are considered an absolute treasure, not something to be embarrassed about."
"A dear friend of mine is married to one of the most famous and recognizable actors in the world and regularly wears dresses on the red carpet (Oscars included) from shops that specialize in vintage designer finds. You should be proud of yourself for scoring a designer bag from a thrift shop!" - Sorry_I_Guess
"It will cause some drama for Mary, but if it were me, I wouldn't even invite her to the wedding. Three months is not long enough to warrant an invite unless she was a long-term family friend."
"My best man had a new girlfriend. She didn't get an invite to the wedding, and she was totally fine with it."
"This is only going to go one way." - Hamsternoir
Others agreed and insisted that the OP's brother needed to mind his own business.
"NTA. Your brother needs to back off. You don't need to be his snooty girlfriend's bestie. You extended an invitation to your bachelorette, but she declined, feigning she had other plans. Your friends surprised you with a spa weekend."
"The OP said, 'The issue is that Mary found out when we posted pictures, and she was P**SED. My brother is now saying that I deliberately left her out, but she told me she was busy! Mary said that if she had known what the weekend was like, though, she would have rearranged her schedule.'"
"This situation falls into the category of 'not your problem.' If Ms Snootypatooty's schedule was too busy for a night at Dave and Buster's, she's still too busy for a spa weekend. Your brother is delusional if he thinks his girlfriend matters to anyone but him." - Peony_Pony
"OP needs to tell brother dearest that it never crossed her mind that sweet Mary would be so shallow. She said that she was busy and couldn't make it, not that she didn't like their plans. Why, it would have been rude to call her. It would imply that she was lying to get out of attending." - ditchdiggergirl
"OP's brother is delusional for thinking that someone he's been dating for three whole months should be invited to anything wedding-related by OP! She wouldn't be getting a wedding invite, either, if it were me!" - wonkiefaeriekitty5
"The entitlement of both your brother and his snobbish girlfriend. He's only been dating her for three months and he's bullying you and taking her side over yours when his girlfriend is clearly in the wrong? Yeah, she's bad news."
"I'd tell your brother what you really think about Mary and what actually happened in this situation, and if he doesn't believe you, go low-contact. You don't need this stress for the wedding."
"You're also in your full rights not to invite her. Either of you hardly even know her, what is this? Does she have golden t**ties?! My boyfriend-now-fiance wasn't invited to a friend's wedding because we hadn't been dating long, we had been dating for a year by that time!"
"Your brother sounds insane and his taste in girls is the same. NTA." - Careless_Channel_641
"What a jerk! Your brother is just as bad as the new girlfriend... My daughter was getting married... We had family photos done without the new girlfriend and then one with her. When they broke up, I tossed the picture she was in so I still had great family pictures of only our immediate family, so cropping wasn't even needed."
"Good luck with the wedding... She'll be out of the picture before you know it, I'm sure!" - Gold_Reference8247
The subReddit was amused by this situation because they knew that the OP's brother's girlfriend only wanted to attend the edited bachelorette party because she felt like a spa day was "good enough" for her, while the previous day's plans had not been.
If the brother really wanted his girlfriend to be in his sister's life, he clearly needed to do a better job of defending his sister when his girlfriend nitpicked her personality and lifestyle.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.