We've all known someone who thinks that they're better than everyone else and that nothing is good enough for them.
Spending time with someone who only values the most expensive and elite is honestly exhausting, agreed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit, and really not worth it most of the time.
Redditor Double-Schedule3160 was getting pretty fed up with her brother's girlfriend, whom her brother regularly insisted that she spend time with.
But when the girlfriend constantly picked at where she shopped and what she did for fun, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't the most interested in including her in her wedding plans.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for letting someone skip my bachelorette party and not telling them new details that would've changed their mind?"
The OP didn't get along particularly well with her brother's girlfriend.
"My brother has been trying to push me to get closer to his girlfriend, 'Mary' (together three months)."
"I've done my best to get to know her (initiating dinners, trying her hobbies with her, etc.), but we honestly don't really get along."
"I personally think she's a snob (she complimented my designer bag, but took the compliment back when she found out it was thrifted. As in she literally said, 'Yikes, I take that back') while she thinks I lack 'culture and sophistication' (also something she's mentioned when trying to convince me to do a 'makeover' with her)."
The OP's brother was insistent that she include her in her wedding plans.
"The issue is that I'm getting married this year, and my brother has been REALLY trying to get her involved. I put my foot down with the bridal party since they've only been dating for three months and I don't know her, but he insisted that I invite her to the bachelorette."
"It was originally supposed to be super lowkey and local. Mary tried to push for something more extravagant, but it really wasn't in my budget."
"When I wouldn't budge, she told us something came up that weekend, and she couldn't go."
But then the OP's friends did something wonderful for her.
"I was later surprised by my friends who had come together to organize a lavish weekend through favors and points (i.e., one of my friend's aunts works for a spa, so she was able to get discounted packages, another used her travel points to book a suite, etc.)."
"I was not told about this and was truly and happily surprised."
The OP's brother and girlfriend lashed out after the event.
"The issue is that Mary found out when we posted pictures, and she was P**SED."
"My brother is now saying that I deliberately left her out, but she told me she was busy!"
"Mary said that if she had known what the weekend was like, though, she would have rearranged her schedule."
"I feel conflicted because I suspect that my friends didn't tell Mary on purpose, but they're claiming they made these plans after Mary bowed out and didn't reach back out since she was busy."
"My brother still says I should have double-checked and made more of an effort to let Mary know my plans, so I figured I'd ask the internet for their thoughts!"
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said that the girlfriend didn't get to decide which party was "good enough" for her.
"What Mary is saying is, 'I don't care about YOU enough to rearrange to celebrate YOU, but I do care about ME having a good time enough to figure out scheduling in order to have a good time for ME.' It's all about her." - Gigglemage
"If the plans change enough that the stated reason for not attending would not be relevant to the new plans, that's one thing."
"Mary's stated reason was that she was busy that weekend, and nothing changed about when it was happening. Even taking her at face value, there was nothing to indicate that the plans changed enough that an invitation should be re-issued."
"Not taking her at face value, well..."
"The reason she's mad is that her actual reason for not attending (her perception of the plans as beneath her) was no longer relevant. You know, the reason she didn't give up when making her excuses was because it would be rude and entitled to say so. (Though that doesn't seem to have stopped her from implying it through her complaints now.)"
"On the plus side, Mary not bothering to attend meant OP could have a great bachelorette party without her, and that OP wouldn't have to deal with Mary's general personality and the personality clash that would have resulted."
"P.S. OP is NTA, obviously." - Repulsive-Error9728
"Miss Snooty-pants has made it quite obvious that OP isn't good enough for her. OP doesn't need to spend any more energy trying to befriend this woman." - Mrs_Weaver
"She wouldn't have liked it anyway: it was obtained by points/employee discounts, so the 'thrift' might have rubbed off on her or smelled funny if she had gone, anyway." - quats555
"The bachelorette party is supposed to be about celebrating the bride-to-be. I would point out to your brother that his 'lovely' girlfriend literally told you point blank that she would have rearranged her schedule to accommodate something she thought she'd enjoy, which means that whatever fake thing she was pretending clashed with your party, it was clearly something that could be 'rearranged' at her convenience."
"And yet, even if we pretend that her other plans were real, she clearly didn't care enough about celebrating you as the bride to rearrange her plans up until that point."
"I would ask your brother quite bluntly if he actually cares about you or how you feel as a bride and his sister, being treated as nothing more than a source of entertainment for his girlfriend. Because not only are you NTA, but looked at through that lens, she actually owes you an apology for making your special occasion all about herself."
"Also, slightly off-topic, but she's not nearly as 'cultured and sophisticated' as she thinks. As someone who has literally socialized with heads of state and has lots of old money relatives, I can tell you without hesitation that: 1) someone who actually has any culture or sophistication would NEVER make that statement; it's incredibly tacky and rude; and 2) anyone who knows anything about actual high fashion knows that vintage and thrifted designer finds are considered an absolute treasure, not something to be embarrassed about."
"A dear friend of mine is married to one of the most famous and recognizable actors in the world and regularly wears dresses on the red carpet (Oscars included) from shops that specialize in vintage designer finds. You should be proud of yourself for scoring a designer bag from a thrift shop!" - Sorry_I_Guess
"It will cause some drama for Mary, but if it were me, I wouldn't even invite her to the wedding. Three months is not long enough to warrant an invite unless she was a long-term family friend."
"My best man had a new girlfriend. She didn't get an invite to the wedding, and she was totally fine with it."
"This is only going to go one way." - Hamsternoir
Others agreed and insisted that the OP's brother needed to mind his own business.
"NTA. Your brother needs to back off. You don't need to be his snooty girlfriend's bestie. You extended an invitation to your bachelorette, but she declined, feigning she had other plans. Your friends surprised you with a spa weekend."
"The OP said, 'The issue is that Mary found out when we posted pictures, and she was P**SED. My brother is now saying that I deliberately left her out, but she told me she was busy! Mary said that if she had known what the weekend was like, though, she would have rearranged her schedule.'"
"This situation falls into the category of 'not your problem.' If Ms Snootypatooty's schedule was too busy for a night at Dave and Buster's, she's still too busy for a spa weekend. Your brother is delusional if he thinks his girlfriend matters to anyone but him." - Peony_Pony
"OP needs to tell brother dearest that it never crossed her mind that sweet Mary would be so shallow. She said that she was busy and couldn't make it, not that she didn't like their plans. Why, it would have been rude to call her. It would imply that she was lying to get out of attending." - ditchdiggergirl
"OP's brother is delusional for thinking that someone he's been dating for three whole months should be invited to anything wedding-related by OP! She wouldn't be getting a wedding invite, either, if it were me!" - wonkiefaeriekitty5
"The entitlement of both your brother and his snobbish girlfriend. He's only been dating her for three months and he's bullying you and taking her side over yours when his girlfriend is clearly in the wrong? Yeah, she's bad news."
"I'd tell your brother what you really think about Mary and what actually happened in this situation, and if he doesn't believe you, go low-contact. You don't need this stress for the wedding."
"You're also in your full rights not to invite her. Either of you hardly even know her, what is this? Does she have golden t**ties?! My boyfriend-now-fiance wasn't invited to a friend's wedding because we hadn't been dating long, we had been dating for a year by that time!"
"Your brother sounds insane and his taste in girls is the same. NTA." - Careless_Channel_641
"What a jerk! Your brother is just as bad as the new girlfriend... My daughter was getting married... We had family photos done without the new girlfriend and then one with her. When they broke up, I tossed the picture she was in so I still had great family pictures of only our immediate family, so cropping wasn't even needed."
"Good luck with the wedding... She'll be out of the picture before you know it, I'm sure!" - Gold_Reference8247
The subReddit was amused by this situation because they knew that the OP's brother's girlfriend only wanted to attend the edited bachelorette party because she felt like a spa day was "good enough" for her, while the previous day's plans had not been.
If the brother really wanted his girlfriend to be in his sister's life, he clearly needed to do a better job of defending his sister when his girlfriend nitpicked her personality and lifestyle.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.