If there is anything most new or soon-to-be parents don't quite appreciate the value of, it is good child care.
Those lucky enough to have grown up with great nannies or babysitters must tend to think that there must be a vast pool to choose from.
While that may be the case, the situation is quite different when you are looking for people you know you can trust with your children's safety and well-being.
For that reason, those who live close to their parents often rely on them for child care.
After all, what grandparent wouldn't jump at the chance to spend more time with their grandchildren?
Redditor lived close to her daughter and grandchildren. Like other local grandparents, the original poster (OP) would frequently babysit her grandchildren, sometimes at a moment's notice.
However, the OP recently flatly refused her daughter's request to watch her children.
A refusal that did not sit well with her daughter at all.
Having some doubts about her decision, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for refusing to watch my grandkids on my summer break?"
The OP explained why she was unwilling to babysit her grandchildren:
"Me (53 F[emale]), full-time college professor."
"My daughter (26 F), stay-at-home mom."
"Grandkids (8 M[ale], 5 F, 1 F)."
"My daughter, let's call her Katie, has 3 kids and lives with her boyfriend."
"She is a stay-at-home mom with no other responsibilities."
"I work as a full-time professor and have the months of June and July off."
"I typically use this time for training and professional development."
"Katie has hinted many times through the spring semester that she can't be home with the kids all summer and even has gone as far as asking me to keep them for a few weeks at a time."
"She has quite the explosive temper, and whenever I don't do as she asks, she throws a fit: screaming, yelling, and name-calling until I cave."
"The day before Mother's Day, she wanted me to watch the 1yr old."
"I told her that I am injured (hurt my knee and it is difficult to walk) and her dad is super tired."
"She threw a fit and told me to grow up, and that dad should 'act like a man' and just get over himself."
"We eventually caved and took all the kids so they wouldn't be around her that day."
"Fast-forward to the next day when she blocked my phone number and her dad's and didn't even call to say Happy Mother's Day."
"That is all fine, but the next day she calls her dad all nicey-nice and asks if he can watch her kids just one day a week during the summer so she can have a break."
"He tried to cave, but it was an ABSOLUTELY NOT! from me."
"Now everyone thinks I am the A-hole, but honestly, I would rather work all summer than have to deal with her."
"My husband says it's for the grandkids and not her, but I can't help but think we are rewarding her bad behavior."
"So, AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community mostly agreed that the OP was more than justified in refusing to babysit her grandchildren during her summer vacation.
Everyone agreed that there needed to be consequences for Katie's entitled behavior, with some even going so far as to urge the OP to consider stopping babysitting for Katie altogether:
"You’ve raised quite the entitled little angel there."
"NTA, but where does the attitude come from?"- Dipshitistan
"NTA."
"Give her a list of daycare centers in your area."- CptKUSSCryAllTheTime
"Why would you do anything for someone so abusive to you?"- Embarrassed_Hat_2904
"NTA."
"Her kids, she can watch them."- shammy_dammy
"Ohhh hell NO."
"NTA, she's a stay-at-home mom."
"Sure, if you like the kids, keep them for a couple of overnights, but no, you raised your kids."
"My mom adores her grandkids, and I would never ask this."- GetawarrantCO
"NTA, you and your husband are enabling her each time you give in to her tantrums."
"Why don’t you and your husband take a nice, long vacation out of town so she can’t ask or throw a tantrum when she is told no?"
"If you can’t afford to go anywhere, lie and say you are."
"Another thing you might want to do is remind her that when she asks someone for something, she has to accept that they may say no and not be upset if they do."
"If she chooses to block y’all, let her, as she has already demonstrated the minute she wants something, she will ask."
"This will not change until you change your behavior."
"All anyone can do is control their behavior, and you are not controlling behavior very well by giving in."- different-take4u
"Oh hell no, NTA."
"I’m a grandma who provides occasional childcare, but if my son requested this I believe I’d laugh in his face."- JohnExcrement
"Tell her the same thing she said about her dad."
"Tell her to grow up and act like a mom."- Different_Nothing973
"I mean."
"It makes sense that she ended up an entitled teen mom."
"You are bad at setting boundaries, and your child obviously doesn’t respect you."
"Never too late ig but your child is a reflection of how you raised her."
"Time to make changes NOW."
"Before you are a grandmother to another teen mom’s kids."- Important-Nose3332
"Why are you caving in and putting up with abusive behavior from an adult child?"- Vlophoto
"Stop giving explanations as she'll just bulldoze over you."
"And I am not kidding: make sure your wills, advanced directives, etc. are in place, & that your daughter will not be your power of attorney (or executor)."
"She abuses you both, & you must make sure she has no opportunity to commit elder, financial or other abuse against you in future."- Pookie1688
"You’re letting her get away with this."
"Now is the time to shut her down."
" HARD."
“'Katie' sounds like a spoiled, selfish, miserable human being."
"They’re her kids and her responsibility."
"She can care for them."
"Why are you and your husband letting your adult daughter be so incredibly disrespectful?"
"Yelling and screaming at you when she doesn’t get her way?"
"No sir."
"No freaking way is that acceptable."
"I have 4 kids and never once did I expect anyone to take care of them for me."
"I paid sitters and politely asked my parents if they’d watch them on occasion."
"These occasions were rare."
"We never lived close."
"It was never expected."
"Just stop being your adult daughter’s doormat."
"She’s stomping all over you!"- Ok_Clerk_6960
"So your 26-year-old had her first child at 17-18, and has since had two more."
"She throws tantrums--at her big age--to get her way with her parents."
"She screams, yells, and calls her mother names to get her way, so I don't think it's a stretch to think she's screaming, yelling, and calling her children names as well."
"And your concern is whether or not you should babysit?"
"Call CPS."
"Or stage an intervention and get her some help."
"She clearly doesn't know how to adult and 100% should not be the sole caregiver for three young children."
"You are not obligated to provide free childcare for anyone, under any circumstances."
"However, it is safe to argue that you created this monster who is now responsible for your three grandchildren, and you definitely should be doing something to get those children into a better environment, either with a mother who has had treatment for her mental health issues and possibly some parenting classes or in another home where they can be safe and happy."
"NTA for not babysitting, but definite side-eye for leaving those children to deal with a mother that you yourself can't handle when she is upset."- Bubbly_Chicken_9358
"As a former SAHM with a 22 year tenure, I’m genuinely curious why a SAHM can’t be home with her children all summer."
"Is she planning a sabbatical?"
"A change in career?"
"Is she no longer fit for duty?"
"Or is she just out of her ever-loving mind?"
"Tell her she signed up for this, and if she needs a day off, you can help out occasionally, but her primary backup better be the other parent."
"NTA."- 5footfilly
It's pretty shocking for any child to tell their parents to "grow up".
Some advice she should probably follow herself: as part of being a parent, be present for your children and don't completely rely on others to do it for you.
It seems like Katie needs to wake up, and that she won't be able to get everything she wants with the snap of her fingers.
Including free childcare.
