Many people have quirky traditions within their families or friend groups.
Traditions and customs that others might find strange, but bring those who celebrate them joy.
Even if they can't help but raise their eyebrows on occasion, most people simply let these traditions live.
Others can't help but judge, and are unable to keep their mouths closed.
Redditor Visual-Particular-86's family had a tradition that brought everyone joy.
A tradition that caught the ears of a fellow mother.
Unfortunately, this mother found nothing sweet or cute about this tradition the original poster (OP) celebrated with her family.
And wasn't afraid to say so.
Worried she might have been out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here?" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for giving my car a 'racist' name?"
The OP explained how what she thought was a sweet family tradition turned unexpectedly sour:
"My little family has a tradition of naming our cars."
"Our last one was a Toyota Yaris, and the first thing my best friend said when he saw it was.'It looks like a turtle!'"
"Naturally, we named it Yurtle."
"Three years ago we got a Toyota RAV4."
"Carrying on the tradition, we named it Ravi."
"It was an obvious play on 'RAV', and it was fun and easy for our then 2 year old."
"I never gave it a second thought."
"But today, while picking my daughter up from summer camp, she asked, 'Mom, did you bring Ravi?'"
"Another mom overheard and asked, 'Oh, who's Ravi?'"
"I said, 'Our car', but didn't elaborate because I was busy gathering my daughter's things."
"She kind of scrunched up her face and said, 'Well... that's a choice'."
"I laughed awkwardly and said something like, 'Yeah, we have a weird family tradition of naming our cars'."
"She replied, 'No, I meant calling it Ravi. As a privileged white person, I'd be embarrassed to tell people that'."
"I was honestly so caught off guard that I just finished packing up and left."
"Now it's been rattling around in my head."
"For context, my husband, daughter, and I are all white."
"The other mom was white as well. We live in a suburb of a large Canadian city."
"The area is still majority white, but there are plenty of families from many different cultural backgrounds."
"I genuinely value living in a diverse community and want to teach my daughter to respect and appreciate people from all cultures."
"I completely understand that Ravi is a very common South Asian name."
"But when we chose it, we were honestly just looking for a cute nickname based on 'RAV4'."
"We've been calling the car Ravi for three years, and this is the first time anyone has ever reacted negatively."
"If this is genuinely disrespectful, I absolutely want to know and we'll stop using it."
"I'm just not convinced by one strangers reaction."
"I'd especially love to hear from people from cultures where Ravi is a common name (or, even better, from anyone actually named Ravi!)"
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Everyone agreed, that the OP did nothing wrong by naming her car "Ravi".
Everyone agreed that it was the judgmental mother who should feel embarrassed for speaking to the OP the way she did, as it's hardly a new sensation to name a child, or a car, a name from outside one's culture:
"Tell her it’s short for ravioli."- PomegranateZanzibar
"NTA."
"This is performative self righteousness."- LordFarquaadsArse
"NTA."
"I'm Indian, and would not be offended at all if I heard you call your car that."
"Also, the correct pronunciation of the Indian name Ravi is 'Ruhvee' - an 'a' letter in any South Asian language is pronounced as a 'uh' sound, not 'aah' or 'aw' (ie. Jagmeet Singh = Jugmeet, not Jaagmeet)."
"So if I heard someone say Ravi as a play on a RAV4, I wouldn't even think you're trying to actually say the name Ravi."
"Ignore this dumb person, and also stay away from them."
"They seem quite judgey."- IAmMichaelBurnham
"We as a family collective call my RAV4 Ravi Rolli."
"It’s a play on words."
"I’m sorry you had such a negative experience."
"Unfortunate that the person you encountered didn’t have anything better to do than to put you down."
"NTA."- AnneLavelle
"NTA."
"It’s not racist."
"It was a play on words."
"Also, what a trashy way to tell you LOL."
"Didn’t even provide you with details on why it was a 'choice'."- carsen_goat
"As an Indian…I see no issue with this."- anotherbabydaddy
"Oh please, people need to get a grip."
"Ravi makes sense."- Popular_Scarcity_911
"Thought you named you're car General Lee or something similar from the title."- PreviousZone6742
"Why would Ravi be racist?"- pokemontrainersensha
"This is an example of someone being too woke."
"You are not using the name in an offensive or derogatory way."
"NTA."- brettbretters
"Tell her it's okay because you have Indian friends."
"NTA."- Mysterious_Truth
"These people used to be called Holier Than Thous, the ones who were ever so much more spiritual than you."
"How nice they have found another niche."- Teamtunafish
"If you’re an AH, then I am too."
"Also have a Rav4, and I also call it Ravi for short."
"Its actual name is Wilson."
"I too am white."
"So I’m gonna come back and check the comments."- WishingDandelions
"Performative wokeness is also a choice."- Equal_Maintenance870
"I'm a POC, not related to the name Ravi or the culture it comes from, but I wouldn't put too much thought into what this person said."
"Def hear from Redditors who are named Ravi or share the culture to see what they have to say, but I don't think it's that serious."
"Unfortunately, some white people I know tend to try and be sooo correct, that they end up being too much."
"An example is correcting someone that used the term black to refer to someone."
"Usually, the correction they give is to say 'the correct term is African American'...but it's not."
"There are black people in other cultures as well."
"Anyways, thanks for caring."- DCleide
"Don’t want to be the a**hole her but my take on this is:"
"As a privileged white person she used her privilege to make you feel awkward about something that was a word abbreviation because her mind made a racist connection about it."
"She is the a**hole here."
"And the subconscious racist who needs to make other people feel awkward to make herself feel better."
"You have a kid in school so you don’t want to be the a**hole who tells her what an asshole she truly is."
"But you also don’t have to worry that you are the a**hole here."- Jaded-Form-8236
"As an Indian with a RAV4 - I’m annoyed I dint think of it."- UnrealKP24
"No, but man would I have become an a**hole as soon as she said that to me."- mapoftasmania
"I have named cars all my life."
"My latest car is Fred."- Nuasus
"Just play nothing but Ravi Shankar in your whip."- back-in-the-highlife
"My name's Ravi."
"Thank you for naming the car after me...!"- BerlinSam
"NTA."
"I’m South Asian, the woman who took issue with you naming your car Ravi probably takes issue with a lot of things throughout her day."
"She’s the ‘offended on other people’s behalf’ white savior nobody asked for."- Letgomypurse_856
"In this area, it is not an issue and I would not bat an eyelid."- Silent-Passenger-208
"I don't get it."
"How is Ravi/Ravy/Rav-V racist?"
"Suzuki Ravi is an actual truck (a tiny truck, its real cute!)."- Wide-Chemistry-8078
"How can this even be considered racism?"
"A racist slur to a person’s face is racism."
"Calling your car by a male name (even an Indian name) cannot be classed as racism."
"Tell Karen to take a hike."
"My kid bro goes to an international school."
"He has an Indian friend called Ravi."
"My kid bro just told Ravi about your car."
"He laughed."
"If anything it’s your car I feel sorry for."
"How do you think your car feels?"
"Japanese with the name Ravi."- TommyYiu
"WOOOOW."
"Unprompted and obnoxious!"
"NTA."- hidingunderyourbed
"Sometimes other people are crazy."- Less-Assistance-7575
"Wow."
"She just made that sh*t up."
"NTA."- MarionberryOk2874
"NTA."
"That woman is looking for a reason to be offended."
"Carry on."- Vampira309
Had the OP given her car a racial slur or derogatory term, then everyone, not only this anonymous mother, should have called her out.
Seeing as that wasn't the case, one has to wonder why this mother felt it was even necessary to make the remark she did.
Ironically, this was a telling sign of her privilege as well...
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.