Many people have quirky traditions within their families or friend groups.
Traditions and customs that others might find strange, but bring those who celebrate them joy.
Even if they can't help but raise their eyebrows on occasion, most people simply let these traditions live.
Others can't help but judge, and are unable to keep their mouths closed.
Redditor Visual-Particular-86's family had a tradition that brought everyone joy.
A tradition that caught the ears of a fellow mother.
Unfortunately, this mother found nothing sweet or cute about this tradition the original poster (OP) celebrated with her family.
And wasn't afraid to say so.
Worried she might have been out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here?" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for giving my car a 'racist' name?"
The OP explained how what she thought was a sweet family tradition turned unexpectedly sour:
"My little family has a tradition of naming our cars."
"Our last one was a Toyota Yaris, and the first thing my best friend said when he saw it was.'It looks like a turtle!'"
"Naturally, we named it Yurtle."
"Three years ago we got a Toyota RAV4."
"Carrying on the tradition, we named it Ravi."
"It was an obvious play on 'RAV', and it was fun and easy for our then 2 year old."
"I never gave it a second thought."
"But today, while picking my daughter up from summer camp, she asked, 'Mom, did you bring Ravi?'"
"Another mom overheard and asked, 'Oh, who's Ravi?'"
"I said, 'Our car', but didn't elaborate because I was busy gathering my daughter's things."
"She kind of scrunched up her face and said, 'Well... that's a choice'."
"I laughed awkwardly and said something like, 'Yeah, we have a weird family tradition of naming our cars'."
"She replied, 'No, I meant calling it Ravi. As a privileged white person, I'd be embarrassed to tell people that'."
"I was honestly so caught off guard that I just finished packing up and left."
"Now it's been rattling around in my head."
"For context, my husband, daughter, and I are all white."
"The other mom was white as well. We live in a suburb of a large Canadian city."
"The area is still majority white, but there are plenty of families from many different cultural backgrounds."
"I genuinely value living in a diverse community and want to teach my daughter to respect and appreciate people from all cultures."
"I completely understand that Ravi is a very common South Asian name."
"But when we chose it, we were honestly just looking for a cute nickname based on 'RAV4'."
"We've been calling the car Ravi for three years, and this is the first time anyone has ever reacted negatively."
"If this is genuinely disrespectful, I absolutely want to know and we'll stop using it."
"I'm just not convinced by one strangers reaction."
"I'd especially love to hear from people from cultures where Ravi is a common name (or, even better, from anyone actually named Ravi!)"
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Everyone agreed, that the OP did nothing wrong by naming her car "Ravi".
Everyone agreed that it was the judgmental mother who should feel embarrassed for speaking to the OP the way she did, as it's hardly a new sensation to name a child, or a car, a name from outside one's culture:
"Tell her it’s short for ravioli."- PomegranateZanzibar
"NTA."
"This is performative self righteousness."- LordFarquaadsArse
"NTA."
"I'm Indian, and would not be offended at all if I heard you call your car that."
"Also, the correct pronunciation of the Indian name Ravi is 'Ruhvee' - an 'a' letter in any South Asian language is pronounced as a 'uh' sound, not 'aah' or 'aw' (ie. Jagmeet Singh = Jugmeet, not Jaagmeet)."
"So if I heard someone say Ravi as a play on a RAV4, I wouldn't even think you're trying to actually say the name Ravi."
"Ignore this dumb person, and also stay away from them."
"They seem quite judgey."- IAmMichaelBurnham
"We as a family collective call my RAV4 Ravi Rolli."
"It’s a play on words."
"I’m sorry you had such a negative experience."
"Unfortunate that the person you encountered didn’t have anything better to do than to put you down."
"NTA."- AnneLavelle
"NTA."
"It’s not racist."
"It was a play on words."
"Also, what a trashy way to tell you LOL."
"Didn’t even provide you with details on why it was a 'choice'."- carsen_goat
"As an Indian…I see no issue with this."- anotherbabydaddy
"Oh please, people need to get a grip."
"Ravi makes sense."- Popular_Scarcity_911
"Thought you named you're car General Lee or something similar from the title."- PreviousZone6742
"Why would Ravi be racist?"- pokemontrainersensha
"This is an example of someone being too woke."
"You are not using the name in an offensive or derogatory way."
"NTA."- brettbretters
"Tell her it's okay because you have Indian friends."
"NTA."- Mysterious_Truth
"These people used to be called Holier Than Thous, the ones who were ever so much more spiritual than you."
"How nice they have found another niche."- Teamtunafish
"If you’re an AH, then I am too."
"Also have a Rav4, and I also call it Ravi for short."
"Its actual name is Wilson."
"I too am white."
"So I’m gonna come back and check the comments."- WishingDandelions
"Performative wokeness is also a choice."- Equal_Maintenance870
"I'm a POC, not related to the name Ravi or the culture it comes from, but I wouldn't put too much thought into what this person said."
"Def hear from Redditors who are named Ravi or share the culture to see what they have to say, but I don't think it's that serious."
"Unfortunately, some white people I know tend to try and be sooo correct, that they end up being too much."
"An example is correcting someone that used the term black to refer to someone."
"Usually, the correction they give is to say 'the correct term is African American'...but it's not."
"There are black people in other cultures as well."
"Anyways, thanks for caring."- DCleide
"Don’t want to be the a**hole her but my take on this is:"
"As a privileged white person she used her privilege to make you feel awkward about something that was a word abbreviation because her mind made a racist connection about it."
"She is the a**hole here."
"And the subconscious racist who needs to make other people feel awkward to make herself feel better."
"You have a kid in school so you don’t want to be the a**hole who tells her what an asshole she truly is."
"But you also don’t have to worry that you are the a**hole here."- Jaded-Form-8236
"As an Indian with a RAV4 - I’m annoyed I dint think of it."- UnrealKP24
"No, but man would I have become an a**hole as soon as she said that to me."- mapoftasmania
"I have named cars all my life."
"My latest car is Fred."- Nuasus
"Just play nothing but Ravi Shankar in your whip."- back-in-the-highlife
"My name's Ravi."
"Thank you for naming the car after me...!"- BerlinSam
"NTA."
"I’m South Asian, the woman who took issue with you naming your car Ravi probably takes issue with a lot of things throughout her day."
"She’s the ‘offended on other people’s behalf’ white savior nobody asked for."- Letgomypurse_856
"In this area, it is not an issue and I would not bat an eyelid."- Silent-Passenger-208
"I don't get it."
"How is Ravi/Ravy/Rav-V racist?"
"Suzuki Ravi is an actual truck (a tiny truck, its real cute!)."- Wide-Chemistry-8078
"How can this even be considered racism?"
"A racist slur to a person’s face is racism."
"Calling your car by a male name (even an Indian name) cannot be classed as racism."
"Tell Karen to take a hike."
"My kid bro goes to an international school."
"He has an Indian friend called Ravi."
"My kid bro just told Ravi about your car."
"He laughed."
"If anything it’s your car I feel sorry for."
"How do you think your car feels?"
"Japanese with the name Ravi."- TommyYiu
"WOOOOW."
"Unprompted and obnoxious!"
"NTA."- hidingunderyourbed
"Sometimes other people are crazy."- Less-Assistance-7575
"Wow."
"She just made that sh*t up."
"NTA."- MarionberryOk2874
"NTA."
"That woman is looking for a reason to be offended."
"Carry on."- Vampira309
Had the OP given her car a racial slur or derogatory term, then everyone, not only this anonymous mother, should have called her out.
Seeing as that wasn't the case, one has to wonder why this mother felt it was even necessary to make the remark she did.
Ironically, this was a telling sign of her privilege as well...
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.