Traveling with family isn't always easy.
There can be a lot of demands and expectations.
And vacations aren't cheap.
This is why so many people travel alone.
Redditor kraftmacnchees wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
""AITA for refusing to go on a 3 and a half week long vacation with my family?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (20 F[emale]) work casual retail in Australia."
"Late last year, my parents invited me on a 3.5-week family trip to Japan for December 2026."
"I initially said no because December is the busiest retail period, I don’t get paid leave, and missing almost a month of work would mean losing thousands in income."
"After I explained this several times, my parents repeatedly promised they’d pay for my flights and accommodation."
"They said all I’d need to cover was food and spending money because what mattered to them most was having the whole family there- essentially that money wasn’t a problem."
"Based on that, I agreed."
"This year, they suddenly changed their minds and told me I now had to pay for flights and accommodation."
"I reminded them I only agreed because of the original promise, but they said I’m an adult and should contribute."
"I’ve been saving almost all of my income to get my license and buy my first car."
"I commute 2-2.5 hours each way to work and university by public transport, and I’ve had multiple experiences of men sexually harassing me on buses."
"A car isn’t just a convenience for me—it’s something I’ve been working towards for safety and independence; my parents are not aware I’m saving for one."
"In the past 6 months, I’ve had more than a dozen instances of men harassing and following me late at night at stations."
"I also don’t actually want to go on this trip."
"I’ve turned down trips with friends and my B[oy]F[riend] because I’d rather finish university and keep saving."
"I only agreed because of the arrangement my parents offered."
"I suggested a compromise: I’d come for one week and fly home alone so we could still have family time while I didn’t lose nearly a month’s income."
"They refused and said it was all or nothing."
"They’ve now told me that if I don’t go, I’m not allowed to stay in the family home while they’re away, and that it’s 'not their problem' if I have nowhere else to stay."
"Mind you, they don’t know I’m saving for a car."
"They say this isn’t punishment for refusing the trip, but because they don’t trust me to be home alone."
"Their reasons are two incidents."
"About seven years ago, as a teenager, I accidentally fell asleep while boiling water."
"It was dangerous, and I completely accept that."
"At the time, I had severe insomnia that was later diagnosed and treated with medication after I became an adult, and it has never happened again."
"The second incident was earlier this year when my mum blamed me for leaving a hair curler plugged into the wall."
"I maintain it wasn’t mine because I didn’t even own a curler at the time, but they believed my sister instead."
"They say these incidents prove I’m too irresponsible to stay home alone."
"My parents, sister, and several relatives all think I’m being selfish and unreasonable."
"My aunt even said I should be grateful they considered my compromise because, in her house, there wouldn’t have been one."
The OP was left to wonder:
"I understand they wanted a family holiday, but I feel like I only agreed because of a promise they later withdrew. AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA at all."
"Your parents are bullies."
"Don't go."
"Save your money and move out as soon as possible."
"Good luck."
"I'm sorry your family sucks." ~ Notsospinningplates
"NTA. I'm sorry you face so much harassment while using public transport, but honestly, I didn't even need to hear your reasoning for wanting a car because missing almost an entire month of pay is more than enough reason to not want to go on such a long trip."
"It's really absurd that you are trying to be responsible, figuring out your own transport and focusing on school, and your family expects, now, demands that you skip a month of work for a family vacation, while obviously showing zero concern about the financial and physical safety of one member (YOU) of said family." ~ KatKaleen
"NTA. My mother was like this about the last Christmas I spent with them."
"I'd only recently started a new job, had only accrued a few vacation days, and I spent ALL of them to go to my grandparents' for Christmas."
"I was only able to stay about 3 days, plus it was an 8-hour drive."
"She was mad that I couldn't be there a week before and after Christmas, never mind that I was the lowest employee in my pool, so I got last choice of when to be out, because someone had to be around for coverage."
"'Next year, I expect AT LEAST a week,' was her angry statement."
"My entire VACATION AND sick time allotment for the entire year."
"I tried to explain, she told me to take it unpaid, and they would make up my lost wages."
"When I pointed out that the company wouldn't let me do that, she told me to quit and move back home."
"I'm sure she still wonders why we haven't spoken in about 20 years." ~ ScroochDown
"Why is it that so many parents would rather ruin the holidays than treat their adult children as adults?"
"My parents think I must attend their Christmas."
"They also think it is absolutely NOT necessary to include me in the discussion on where or when we will celebrate."
"It got to the point where they didn't even bother to inform me of the plans when they changed a couple of weeks before the holiday."
"That was when I stopped bothering to attend."
"They have been upset at me about the holidays ever since."
"I have had low stress, no travel, peaceful holidays ever since." ~ NotMe739
"My job requires 50% staffing during holidays."
"So your mother thinking that you'd be able to take two weeks off during Christmas and New Year is probably unrealistic."
"NTA. Don't let your mother's speech affect how you feel about anything."
"Just take everything she says with a grain of salt." ~ ImaginaryPark6311
"NTA. But your parents are."
"Pay for accommodation (Airbnb, budget hotel) near work or uni while your family is away."
"It will, unfortunately, still cost you, but you will be able to work."
"And then consider if there is any way you can move out in the near future and start building your own life."
"You have work and uni going for you."
"You're capable of saving money."
"I'm sure you have a bright future ahead of you."
"But unfortunately, you have to build this future on your own 'cause your family is a-h*les."
"Stop listening to them and do what is right for you." ~ Exciting-Pie4985
"NTA. Especially since there's a damn good chance that if you said no shifts in December in a retail job, you'd never get shifts again."
"So you'd be losing a lot more than one month's pay."
"That said, I'd start considering how you can move out."
"Permanent work, share house, whatever it takes."
"You already know that they're vindictive enough to illegally kick you out of your home."
"You're an adult and a tenant; look up your rights to access to your home."
"They can't just suddenly lock you out, BUT if you bring this up, there is a chance they're going to decide you can no longer live there permanently."
"And there's more than enough time between now and Christmas for that." ~ cir49c29
"NTA! I hated it when a parent made promises that were switchy-changey!"
"Look, 3.5 weeks for a hotel in Australia (maybe closer to your job) would cost less than 3.5 weeks in a hotel in Japan, and airfare, and outings, and restaurants for all your food!"
"You would also get to work the whole time!"
"You could even ask some friends if you could stay with them. Offer to pay something, but less than you'd pay at a hotel."
"Everyone could use a little extra at Christmas!"
"Your parents need to make up their minds, too!"
"Either you are a responsible and productive adult who can afford to pay for a 3.5 week international vacation while not getting paid, or you're a little kid who can't stay home alone!"
"You can't be both!" ~ fromhelley
NTA. Your parents ragebaited you hard and should feel bad for manipulating you, at a time where there is a global cost of living crisis, and the next generations are fubar'd in terms of wealth, and you are doing your best to be financially responsible." ~ Legitimate-Pen-9553
"NTA. Your parents are completely A*s!"
"It even makes it seem like they don't actually want to have you on the holiday, they just don't even like you, or trust you to stay at home by yourself."
"Those conditions are insane, and I hope you are already working out how to extract yourself from the family ASAP." ~ VeryFluffy
"Why haven't you told them you're saving up for a car?"
"Do they know about the sexual harassment???"
"NTA, your family has its head in the clouds."
"How on earth can they expect a 20-year-old still in school to pay for almost a month's trip to Japan, or anywhere!"
OP, focus on your studies, on saving for your car, and your future.
Why go on a trip anyway if you're going to be surrounded by people who both infantilize you and think you have money to burn?" ~ RollingKatamari
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your family let you down.
Keep saving your coins.
Head towards your freedom.
