Being rejected by a parent in favor of a new relationship is traumatic. Becoming homeless as a result, especially at a young age is even worse.
Could you forgive and forget when no apology is offered?
A young man struggling with a request for help from the person who made him homeless turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Last_Astronaut_6032 asked:
“AITA for not wanting to go back home to take care of my sick mom after her and her boyfriend kicked me out the day after my high school graduation last year?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“It was the day after graduation when my mom and her boyfriend told me that now that I was an adult, I had to move out and find a place of my own. Although it was unexpected, my mom and I’s relationship changed drastically when her new boyfriend moved in.”
“I tried to make a good impression because I wanted her to be happy, but the guy just seemed to have an issue with me. He convinced my mom to start charging me rent because I had a part time job while still in school even though he was jobless and living off my mom.”
“He would go in my room, go through my stuff and use some of my things without my permission. He even broke my laptop after using it without asking, but my mom saw nothing wrong with his behaviour and always took his side.”
“She would yell at me whenever I complained about how I didn’t like him invading my privacy.”
“He seemed very pleased with himself when my mom kicked me out.”
“I didn’t have enough to get a place so I survived by sleeping on friends’ couches as much as I could until they got tired of me and I had to sleep outside at times.”
“Thankfully I was able to get a second job through someone I knew. I was able to save up and I just moved into a new place at the beginning of this month after months of not having anywhere to call home.”
“I am a guy and a bit ashamed to admit that I genuinely almost sobbed on my first night in my place. It was overwhelming.”
“I’m still trying to find my feet and it’s not easy, but what keeps me going is the fact that nothing lasts forever, even the challenging times will pass eventually.”
“A few days ago my mom’s boyfriend reached out to me.”
“I guess I was just so focused on surviving that I didn’t even think of blocking them. I honestly also had a bit of hope in the beginning that maybe she would change her mind and tell me that I could come back, but she never did.”
“They haven’t contacted me ever until now.”
“Apparently my mom had a stroke and he tried guilting me into moving back to help her out because he got a job opportunity and has to move.”
“I declined and told him that unfortunately I’m too busy trying to be an adult, it doesn’t look like I can take time off that schedule to do that, then hung up.”
“Honestly my place is bare and I am still trying to find my feet, but I went through a lot to get here to just give it up—especially for someone who tossed me out like a used rag.”
“I can’t even begin to explain how hard and traumatizing the experience was.”
“I didn’t expect my own mom to do that to me, especially not over a guy she barely knew. It felt like I was dreaming.”
The OP summed up their conundrum.
“I think I may be an a**hole because I have no intention of speaking to my mom ever again let alone taking care of her, but I can’t help but feel like a horrible person because normally I wouldn’t have hesitated to help her.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors unanimously declared the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA—Don’t feel bad. She chose her boyfriend over you. She charged a minor rent when she is supposed to take care of you, food, shelter, etc…”
“If she was a good mother, that ‘rent’ should have went into a savings account for you, so when you did move out you will have a safety net, or been able to put it towards college or a trade school. Just because a lot of teens will just spend their money on stuff they may not need.”
“Where is the rest of your family, any grandparents, aunts, uncles, or father? I would try to reach out to them.”
“If you have them, your mother may have burned those bridges with them, but they may still love you and are hoping that one day you reach out to them on your own. They may be able to help some, just be honest with them with everything.”
“Good luck, stay strong, look into trade school or college. You can do it. Please block your mother and boyfriend, better yet get a new phone number and only give it to people you trust.”
“Right before you change your number, write a text to your mother stating, ‘When you kicked me out, you lost your son’.”
“‘I was homeless, sleeping in the streets. If my friends could host me, they cared about me more than you’.”
“‘You chose your boyfriend over your flesh and blood, your son who would have been there for you. With your actions, you are no longer my mom’.”
“‘Good luck with your choices, healing, and the rest of your life, but I will not be in your life anymore, nor help you in any way. Goodbye and NEVER contact me again’.”
“I have done this myself with my incubator bio mom, but I was more cruel. You will get where you are meant to be, stay strong and positive.” ~ wildpeaches05
“NTA—he just wants you to take the responsibility because he can’t mooch any longer.” ~ StormyMcGee68
“NTA, OP. I’m so sorry you were treated that way. I just want to chime in and say, from a 54-year-old mom of two, it’s disgraceful that your mother treated you that way; I’d never do that to my kids.”
“I’m so proud of you for making it work and turning your situation around. I’ll bet it feels 90% amazing (and 10% scary—it’s normal to be a little scared) to have your own place, a roof over your head that you can decorate however you want, where you can safely leave your belongings without fear that someone you’re supposed to trust will break and/or steal them.”
“I hope that some day, some way, you’ll be able to go to college or trade school, unless you make a satisfying career without those. You deserve all good things.”
“It’s unfortunate that your mother doesn’t, but she’s made her bed and now she can lie in it with her oh-so-more-important-than-her-child boyfriend. They deserve each other and I hope they’ll be very miserable together.”
“Here’s to you and your success, OP! The world is at your feet—go write your story!” ~ geckotatgirl
“Agreed from a 47-year-old mom of 3.”
“NTA OP! You can’t burn yourself to keep others warm, especially when that person didn’t care where you were or if you were warm and safe at night.”
“The one thing I will add is if either of your employers have an Employee Assistance Program that offers free counseling, it would be good for you to take advantage.”
“Get yourself into a better financial, physical and mental headspace and then if YOU choose to reach out to your mother to rebuild any sort of relationship with her (but NOT as her caregiver!) then you can do that knowing you’re strong and brave enough to take on the world.”
“Do not let guilt trap you into moving the focus from building your life to fixing the screwed up life of your parent.” ~ Crafty-Effective-788
“Karma’s a b*tch. She now has to learn that the hard way.”
“Your own mother literally made you homeless. She chose a guy over her own child.”
“You owe her nothing. Let her figure her own sh*t out, and don’t you dare feel guilty for a second.”
“I wish you nothing but prosperity and happiness for the future, which hopefully doesn’t include her. NTA.” ~ Birony88
“Dude, I was kicked out young as well (in high school) with little notice and experienced homelessness for a while, and the whole time, it felt like I was dreaming. I’ve never heard anyone else describe it like that, but believe me you aren’t alone.
“The amount of kids I met in the same situation as me because ‘mum got a new bf and she chose him over me’ was crazy.”
“NTA, obviously. It’s really tough to navigate situations where your estranged parent/s now need you (where, when previously they were faced with you needing them, they kicked you to the curb).”
“Feeling such a way about it that you’ve asked others if you did the right thing means that you are a good person; feeling this guilt, etc… is normal and shows you have a conscience.”
“For what it’s worth, I hope you know just how strong, smart, and resilient you are. I’m glad you’ve got your own place now. The future is firmly in your hands.”
“It will be tough at times, like around Christmas and birthdays, but you are never alone. I do hope you are able to get some therapy to work through these things so they don’t affect your relationships, etc…”
“Your friends are the family you choose. I know you’ll be amazing. You’ve got this.” ~ Special_Feature9665
Reddit had nothing but support for OP. The decision is his, but nothing he decides will be a reason to feel guilty.