Redditor Irate After Lending Mom Friend $50 For Kid's Shoes Only To Learn She Gave It To Her Husband To Go Out Drinking

When we discover that a friend is going through a hard time and is in need of help, our first inclination is to help them as best we can.

With the notion that they would do the same for us.

Unfortunately, we can't always trust people as much as we think we can, and sometimes learn that our friends took advantage.

Resulting in our never offering them help again, and possibly permanently damaging this friendship.

A friend Redditor Tough-Woodpecker-894 was going through some financial difficulties with her family.

As a result, when this friend asked the original poster (OP) for a little financial assistance, the OP was more than happy to oblige.

Unfortunately, the op learned that their money was not used for. the purpose they were told.

Damaging the OP's friendship, as well as this friend's marriage, as a result.

Having some doubts about how they handled things, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITAH for blowing up my friend’s marriage and family?"

The OP explained how a friend's lie ended up having a damaging ripple effect:

"I have a friend of many years, who is a bit flaky and permanently skint. She is married, has multiple children, and between her and her husband, they work 25 hours a week, with a mortgage, bills, pets, and kids; things are often tight for them."

"We only have one child and both work full time, so finances are often a little easier for us, though a lot gets tied up in investment, and we all do like to shop and holiday."

"I am aware of the financial discrepancy between us, and it hasn’t ever been an issue, we go to free activities, look for discounts etc, or I’ll pick the bill up, let’s go away with the kids for the weekend. You tell me which weekend you are free, I’ll book and pay, you drive."

"It worked well."

"Recently it’s taken a turn, though, in the last couple of weeks, for various emergencies, she’s ’borrowed’ 1k from me, most of which to avoid awkwardness and complications, I said not to worry about and see as a gift."

"This culminated with a request for a smaller amount of money $50 to replace one of the kids shoes, no worries, I got you, get that baby them shoes."

"For the next night, her husband invited mine out drinking because she’d given him $50."

"That was for the baby's shoes."

"I went into a rage, and pointed out that was my money and was for the shoes, and realized, I had been completely taken advantage of, I told the husband, he needed to get a job and stop borrowing all the time, turns out he didn’t know I’d been financially helping out, now they are arguing and fighting, and I feel it’s my fault."

"I could have stayed quiet, then again, when I hear someone at the door, it makes me feel nauseous, because I automatically think it’s them asking for more."

"It is amplified by the fact that I do have some memory issues, and I feel taken advantage of."

"So AITAH? Should I have just stayed quiet?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community firmly agreed that the. OP was not the a**hole for blowing up at their friend.

Everyone agreed that the OP's friend deserved to be confronted about her dishonesty, and ultimately had no one to blame but herself for her marriage falling apart:

"NTA, but YTA to yourself."

"Close friends should be able to help each other out when in need, but to just gift someone 1k?"

"You’re being overly kind and stupid with your money."

"If they only work 25 hours between them they can easily take on some more work to earn money to pay you back or save some themselves."

"This is absolutely ridiculous, so much so I almost feel like this story is made up."- RedBaret

"NTA."

"You didn't blow up anyone's marriage."

"They have always had these financial issues."

"This is just another argument about that."

"Don't give these people any more money."

"They took advantage of your generosity."

"If you let it slide, they'll just do it again."- Frankensteins_Kid

"NTA."

"You didn’t blow up their marriage the lying and hiding money did that."

"Helping a friend is one thing, but finding out money meant for a child’s shoes got turned into drinking money would make most people snap."- ConsciousSock8262

"NTA."

"Why should you stay quiet when she's taking advantage of you?"

"She didn't say to tell her husband."

"The only person at fault is the 'friend' who took advantage of you and hid things from her husband."

"You didn't blow up their marriage, she did."

"You need to stop giving her money; her financial problems are not yours."

"You also need to cut her out of your life."

"She switched from seeing you as a friend to seeing you as an ATM."

"And she used guilt and lies to get the money from you."- Dal-Ron

"NTA."

"If they're having marriage problems because you're cutting them off financially, they have other issues, and this is the cherry on top for it."

"Hubby was probably oblivious or being lied to by the wife, with her saying she had a rich uncle or grandparent where the money was coming from.'

"Sounds like she knew he wouldn't take your money, but she didn't want to get off her ass and work."

"If anything, friend is the asshole for exploiting your kindness for so long."- blackfenox6

"NTA."

"You ARE being taken advantage of."

"You are not the first person to lend money to someone for a specific purpose, only to find it was used for something else and get angry when learning the truth."

"Stop lending money to them."- Front_Incident_2867

"Years ago, my Mom was out of work and asked me for grocery money, then used it to get her nails done."

"And, like, if she had told me what it was really for, I'd have still given it to her."

"But she lied, and now I will never bail her out again, because I can't trust her."

"NTA."

"Your friend lied by omission to her husband, and lied by deceit to you."

"All you did was point it out."- Keyguardactive

"NTA, but don’t give them more money."- _Standardissue

"NTA."

"Their finances are not your problem."

"He does need to get a job."

"You have been taken advantage of for far too long."- Top_Philosopher1809

"How did he think they were paying for things?"

'This is a bigger issue than you saying you gave them money."

"She has apparently been dishonest and hiding financial issues from him."

"I would certainly be aware if someone had been helping our family with expenses."

"The fact he wasn't speaks to much bigger issues."

"NTA."- goraidders

"NTA."

"You didn't even know her husband wasn't aware of what was going on, so you can't be blamed for failing to keep a secret (not that participating in keeping it if you had known would have been right)."

"Of course, it wasn't really right, strictly speaking, to confront your friend's husband with unsolicited financial advice (better etiquette would have been to stick with addressing what was within your own control by simply ceasing to lend your friend money when it no longer worked for you)."

"But then again, a person being hit up for money all the time isn't wrong to provide a reality check as to the situation consistently resulting in a shortfall, which, as far as you knew, was the situation at hand."

"One way or another, it's for the best that this came to light, for everyone involved."- MotelTheTailor1903

"NTA."

"This kind of situation is a sticky one because you care about ur friend and you want what's best for her."

"I would be mad too."

"Was it ur fault that they are fighting now?"

"Yeah kinda."

"But it would have come to light soon enough."

"Your friend's lack of responsibility with money would have caught up to her eventually."

"Maybe you should sit down with your friend and set some boundaries."

"One, including that you will never loan her money again."

"Ur not a bank."- Gold_Camel_3068

"NTA."

"It's not your fault they're fighting."

"You have been the best friend they could ask for, and she took advantage."

"Her husband sees that for what it is, and is understandably upset."

"He's also upset that she's hidden certain financial realities from him."

"He needed to know they were a thousand dollars short."

"Or he needed to know that she overspent by a thousand dollars, or has a gambling problem, etc."- Cryptographer_Alone

The OP's friend did the right thing by asking for help.

Unfortunately, she didn't ask for the help she needed.

As there seem to be some deeply rooted marital issues that money can't solve.

And which the OP is in no way to blame for.