The rules for refunding money for canceled plans are made and spelled out by the businesses where reservations are made.
But what about refunds between friends?
If a trip is planned and one person cancels, are their friends obligated to refund their money if the travel businesses won’t? And does it matter why the friend canceled?
A woman turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback on this question.
Ok_Mind9160 asked:
“AITA for not refunding my friend $600 after she bailed on our group trip?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My friends and I (19, female) all decided to go on a ski trip for 12 days over winter break. We found a place to stay and all in all it was around $600 per person for the rental.”
“We decided it was just easiest to have one person (me) put all the money in upfront and just everyone pay me back before the actual trip, which everyone did.”
“In my friend group, we have a girl—let’s call her Sarah. She comes from a comfortable family and was even one of the people who suggested the trip and was one of the leading forces to finding the Airbnb.”
“Literally, in the weeks leading up to the trip we were all fine, sending outfit ideas, restaurants to book, etc…”
“The Tuesday before we left (Saturday) Sarah starts sending texts to the group chat like ‘guys, Jacob’s (her boyfriend) family is going to xxxxx next week, ‘ basically sending us a LOT of details about where his family is going for winter vacation that we didn’t really need to know.”
“Then on Thursday (again we leave on Saturday) she texts the group chat saying how she couldn’t go because she had a family emergency, said her grandma had gotten admitted to the hospital.”
“We were obviously bummed, but family comes first and I told her that I would send her the money back that she sent towards the rental.”
“We go on the trip and everything is OK until one of my friends who has Sarah’s location on Life360 (roommates) sees that she’s in a beach town and we put 2 and 2 together. We spend that night pissed and we call her out the next day where she admits everything.”
“She had been last minute invited on her boyfriend’s vacation and decided that she wanted to go to that instead, but didn’t know how to tell us. We were all obviously hurt and upset that she would choose a boy over us, but at the end of the day she’s a 19-year-old girl, so I guess it’s just immaturity.”
“The part that I’m wondering if I’m the a**hole with is, that after finding out that she voluntarily pulled out of the trip, I had told her I wouldn’t be refunding her the $600 she had sent me for the rental.”
“She pulled out so last minute that we couldn’t find anything cheaper and I said I was OK just wasting that money because, again, I thought she was having a family emergency.”
“After finding out that she wouldn’t be getting back, she went insane and started calling me a bad friend and everything.”
“My parents think I should send it back to her, but I don’t see why I should. She pulled out because of her boyfriend and expected us to all just absorb the cost.”
The OP later added:
“My parents would send me money if I needed it, but I haven’t had to ask them for it in all of college or really any time.”
“I wouldn’t be ‘broke’ broke if I lost the $600 by just paying for her portion, but it would alter my lifestyle quite a bit.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I think I might be the a**hole because I’m keeping over $600 from my friend and refusing to refund her it back.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. She voluntarily bailed on the trip and lied to everyone saying that her grandma was in the hospital. She could have told the truth but she may have known she wouldn’t get the money back or she’d be judged by all of you.”
“Either way, you paid solely for that Airbnb expecting everyone would chip in. In this sense you’re only expected to pay 600, not 1200 because she lied and went on a different trip instead.”
“The Airbnb was already paid for and she knew it. If she really is from a comfortable background, she should have no problem paying the 600 for a choice she made.” ~ umpaloompababy
“NTA. And she’s calling you a bad friend! Tell her it’s a 600$ Deception Fee for lying to her friends and trying to stick them with extra costs, but the genuine worry you had for the health of her grandma she got for free.” ~ Ok-Knowledge9154
“Honestly, if they were going to excuse her and refund her, the 600 dollars extra would be devided by how many other people were on the trip. If there was 7 people, and she backed out, is each person okay coughing up and extra $100 to cover the costs?” ~ QuantumRiff
“My thoughts exactly. When she asks each person individually to refund their portion of her cost and they each tell her no, then she might actually learn instead of trying to bully one person into giving her what she wants.” ~ AfterPoopZoomies
“Yeah, it should either be a group decision on whether to all pay extra to share the cost of 1 fewer person coming, or each individual person can choose to send the bailing friend the extra money.”
“For example, if there were 4 total people, each of the 3 that actually went on the trip could send the bailing friend $200 to cover the cost of her not going. It should absolutely not be OP paying the full share of the bailing friend.” ~ PettyYetiSpaghetti
“They maybe could but why should they? If it was truly a family emergency then, of course you would want to show her a little grace and refund her the funds.”
“But she just bailed to go someplace nicer with her boyfriend and then lied about it as well! NTA. I definitely would not refund her anything!” ~ PurpleBeast27
“She probably did not have to pay for the trip with the boyfriend, so friend is trying to get a vacation for free. NTA. Keep the $600!” ~ hookedonnaturr
“For me it’s the lying and still expecting to be refunded. If she had told them earlier in the week maybe they could have found alternative accommodations.”
“And even if not if she had just been honest about it the other friends would have probably been more likely to be okay with covering what would have been her portion.” ~ WolfDaddy1991
“NTA,OP. Even if you thought Sarah should be refunded, you wouldn’t be responsible to reimburse her on your own anyway.”
“Just send a text to the group chat, inform them that Sarah wants her money back, break down the $600 per person that did attend, and let each person decide if they’d like to reimburse Sarah for what would be their additional amount.”
“Sarah isn’t entitled to a refund anyway, as she voluntarily pulled out last minute for what was, in her mind, a better offer. But in any case, under no circumstance should this be your problem alone.”
“Put it to the group and everyone can chime in with their opinion and those who feel Sarah should be reimbursed can go ahead and reimburse her for their %.” ~ Baldassm
“NTA. She lied and got caught. Technically you didn’t need to refund even with a family emergency, but I understand doing so (if you can afford it) because they’ll most likely have unexpected expenses to cover.
“That’s not what happened. She chose to go on a different vacation instead.”
“‘Friend, I was willing to take a financial hit and refund you when you said you had a family emergency. You lied. You chose to go on vacation with your boyfriend instead’.”
“‘Which is your decision to make. Just like not taking a financial hit due to your decisions is my choice to make. You will not be refunded anything’.” ~ ApprehensiveBook4214
“The only mistake you made was ever offering to refund her the money in the first place.”
“Emergency or not, she pulled out at the very last minute and left everyone else hanging. That’s on her. She should not have been refunded one penny.”
“She should just eat that cost… even if it had been an emergency. It’s not your place to fund her emergencies… or her ’emergencies’.”
“NTA. Oh, and by the way, she’s a bad friend and a big, big, fat liar.” ~ LawyerDad1981
“Agreed. Being the friend who organizes the group trip and makes the bookings can be irritating, exactly because of people like Sarah who flake and change plans at the last minute.”
“The fact that she ditched this trip for her boyfriend and lied about it makes it both annoying and hurtful. NTA.” ~ PandaEnthusiast89
While it may cost a friendship, OP had full support to not refund her friend’s vacation costs.
Since this friend lied about a sick grandmother to get her money back, is the friendship really a great loss?