Boss Balks When Former Intern Asks For Recommendation Letter After Trashing Them Online

We don't have to be friends with everyone we know.

Because try as we might, we more often than not find ourselves fundamentally incompatible with others.

Even so, it's usually a wise idea to remain on at least cordial terms with everyone we know.

As we never know just how a bad relationship with someone else might backfire.

Redditor One_Weird1828 was recently contacted by someone from their past.

Much to the surprise of the original poster (OP), as the last time they heard anything from this person, it was for highly unceremonious reasons.

Making it all the more surprising, this person contacted the OP in hopes they might help out.

A request the OP flatly refused.

Having been told by others they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for refusing to write a recommendation for my former intern after what they did?"

The OP explained why they were unwilling to offer a branch to an acquaintance from their past:

"I supervise interns at a small marketing company."

"Last summer, I mentored a college student for about three months."

"I spent a lot of extra time helping him improve because he was eager to learn, and by the end of the internship, I thought we’d ended on good terms."

"A few weeks after the internship ended, another coworker sent me a screenshot of a local professional networking group."

"The former intern had posted a long rant about our company."

"Some of his complaints were fair, but he also claimed that I took credit for his ideas and that I deliberately gave him busy work so I would look better."

"Neither of those things happened."

"In fact, I had emails showing I’d credited him during meetings and had pushed management to let him work on bigger projects."

"I decided not to respond publicly because I didn’t want to create drama."

"About six months later, he emailed me saying he was applying for graduate programs and asked if I’d write him a strong recommendation letter."

"He said he had always appreciated my mentorship and hoped I’d put the past behind us."

"I replied that I didn’t think I was the right person to recommend him and wished him the best with his applications."

"He then sent another email saying I was being unprofessional by letting personal feelings interfere with his future."

"A mutual acquaintance also reached out and said I should either write the letter or at least do him the courtesy of explaining everything over a phone call."

"I don’t think I owe anyone a recommendation, especially when I no longer feel I can honestly endorse them."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to write a recommendation for their former intern.

Everyone agreed that the OP owed this former intern nothing, and this rejection would be a valuable learning experience for them:

"NTA."

"You don’t owe anyone a recommendation!"

"If you don’t recommend him because he is a source of drama in the workplace (like talking sh*t about his boss to other workers) then don’t recommend him to other workplaces!"

"It’s a perfectly reasonable and defensible position!"- fernincornwall

"NTA."

"You should never put yourself/your reputation on the line for someone that clearly is going to have problems in future jobs."-forevertheyo

"NTA."

"Never put your rep on the line for someone when you’re concerned they could ruin that rep."

"That being said, you could - if you choose to give a reason - let the former intern know his judgment and conduct after leaving the company was highly unprofessional and the reason you will not risk your reputation by writing a recommendation letter."

"But you are not obligated to give a reason if you really do not want to."- Scouthawkk

"NTA, the dude quite literally slandered you in a professional networking group, which could have had actual consequences on your career."

"Now he’s realizing he burnt a bridge that he desperately needs, and is trying to glaze over the fact that he lacked even a modicum of professionalism himself."

"Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he asked literally everyone else he can to get a letter of recommendation, but they all rejected him, probably for similar reasons, which is why he’s having to resort to someone he actively slandered."- Zammarand

"'I replied that I didn’t think I was the right person to recommend him and wished him the best with his applications."

"He then sent another email saying I was being unprofessional by letting personal feelings interfere with his future."

"One, your reply was very professional."

"Two, he's accusing you of letting personal feelings dictate whether you write the letter when you never specified why... which means he knows exactly why you said no."

"He could have chosen to apologize for his past behavior and display some growth - but he didn't."

"Three, if he's asking you for a recommendation knowing that he has f*cked up with you, it probably means he's already been turned down by others or knows they wouldn't agree to do it."

"This isn't just an issue he had with you, but implies a pattern of behavior."

"Sounds like he should work on himself and make some better impressions, but that isn't what he's doing."

"Do you want to let a recommendation for this person reflect negatively on you when he shit-talks a supervisor at the job he got based on your word?"

"NTA."- unrepentantbanshee

"NTA!"

"Talks negatively about you behind your back and then sweet-talks you to your face to get something from you."

"They're being entitled and manipulative."

"You owe them nothing."

"They don't respect you, they respect what you can do for them."

"It's good you didn't fall for it."- BobPlaysWithFire

"NTA."

"The unprofessional ex-intern wants to teach you professionalism?"- Designer_Thought2907

"NTA."

"His response email pretty well confirms that recommending him would not be wise."

"If you do recommend him, his behavior reflects on you."

"You do not want that, and you don't need to get dragged into drama."

"He asked, you declined, and you can leave it there, or at most give a non-apology like 'i'm sorry you feel that way" and wish him the best again'."- dryadduinath

"NTA."

"Ignore and move on."

"He burnt his bridge he’ll need to learn through this experience."- djkouza

"NTA."

"Respond with the screenshot, and 'it would be best for you if you could find another reference'."

"Your lines about putting the past behind you are confusing though."

"Did you confront them about this and left that out?"- FacetiousTomato

"NTA."

"If you feel comfortable, reach out to your Human Resources rep."

"If not - understandable- here’s what I was instructed to do when I’ve been in your situation:"

"Ignore him."

"Do not respond."

"Do not reply."

"If your mutual acquaintance contacts you about this again, do not reply."

"Most importantly, DO NOT send an ‘anti-recommendation letter.’."

"I had a former intern come to my house to complain to my grandmother that her grandson was mean to them."

"Grandma shut the door and called the police."- TenFourMoonKitty

"NTA."

"Plain and simple— he lied."

"I would never recommend someone who becomes a demon once they’ve felt they have been wronged and are then out of sight."- UnoriginalJ0k3r

"NTA."

"However a surprising number of people will still list people who said no, so I think you should plan what to say if you're still called about providing a reference."

"Either be entirely factual or just say 'I can't provide a reference for Intern which I already told him. Have a good day'."

"I'd go with the second."

"Tell the mutual acquaintance you'll kindly thank them to step away from this as it's between you and Intern."-ApprehensiveBook4214

"I had a student worker who just flaked at the end of the semester."

"Stopped coming to work, stopped communicating, the whole thing."

"I sent her an email stating I was terminating her."

"Not a peep."

"Guess she thought it was some dumb college position and didn't matter."

"Her choice."

"Moved on."

"6 months later I get a reference request from a job she applied to."

"No asking me, no communication about it."

"Just sent it to me."

"To say the least, she did not receive a favorable submission."

"Kept it factual."

"Worked from X date to Y date."

"Dependable?"

"No."

"Good communicator?"

"No."

"Would rehired?"

"No."

"If they send something to you anyways, be factual and objective."

"NTA."- Kirshalla

"NTA."

"Sounds like he needs to learn to not burn bridges when leaving."- Adventurous-Quit-753

An internship is meant to be an educational experience, where you learn about how to succeed in a chosen field.

Making this young student's decision to bash a former place of employment highly questionable.

Particularly when they planned on seeking help from them down the line...