When a person has their feelings hurt, it can trigger emotions that lead to actions that cause stress.
Doing favors for a person who wrongs you can be a difficult pill to swallow.
So what is the best course of action?
Does one back out of promises because of being wronged?
Redditor Easy-Property-9424 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for backing out of dog-sitting for my sister's honeymoon after she left me out of the wedding party photos?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My sister Rachel is getting married in October."
"Months ago, I offered to watch her anxious dog, Biscuit, during her two-week honeymoon, even turning down a work trip to keep myself free."
"Last weekend, during the photographer's planning call, I found out I wasn't included in the 'wedding party photos,' even though I'm doing a reading and helping pay for flowers."
"She said those photos were just for official bridesmaids."
"Then I learned she added our cousin, who she barely talks to, as a last-minute bridesmaid just to get an even number for photos."
"That stung."
"So I texted Rachel saying I can't commit to dog-sitting anymore and she should find someone else, since I need those two weeks for the work I turned down."
"She called upset, said I was punishing her over 'just photos,' and that Biscuit would be traumatized with a stranger."
"I feel a bit guilty since none of this is Biscuit's fault."
"But I also feel like my time keeps mattering less than people she barely talks to."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for backing out of dog-sitting after feeling sidelined?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. This doesn't sound like it's about the photos."
"It sounds like it's about realizing you're important when she needs help, but somehow not important enough when she hands out honors."
"I'd find someone else to watch my dog, too, if I were her. Actions have consequences." ~ Practical_Sky7954
"THIS, though I'd offer OP one honest check, make sure the work trip is not just armor."
'I'm taking back my two weeks because I've noticed where I rank' is a legitimate sentence, and saying it straight hits different than a cover story she can pick apart." ~ Ternerxdd
"I’m going to go with NTA."
"She feels like you’re the only one she can go to for dog sitting, yet you’re not important enough to be in her wedding party?"
"Not being included is strange enough when she’s your sister, but knowing that you’re close enough that she feels you’re the only one who can look after her dog, it’s really weird." ~ ilovesharks101
"NTA. And those flowers you're helping to pay for are your only wedding gift to her." ~ GardenSafe8519
"NTA. You're important enough to dogsit but not important enough to be in the wedding party -- when there's a cousin in the wedding party who was just added???"
"Screw that."
"She can find another dog sitter."
"And she owes it to you to explain why she didn't include you, if she ever decides that she wants to repair this sisterly relationship that she has broken." ~ zonutsthefirst
"If you're not in the wedding party, why would you be in the wedding party photos?"
"I'm not really sure why that's so upsetting."
"You'd pull the rug out from under your sister."
"Are there any other photos?"
"There was a whole planning call; it sounds like there's going to be more pictures than just the wedding party."
"Will they be taking other pictures, like ones of your family?"
"If you're not a bridesmaid, being excluded from the bridal party photographs is not a slight."
"If you're somehow being excluded from all photos, sure, but it sounds like you're upset about something you had no reason to expect, and now you've given your sister another expense and stressful task on top of all the other wedding planning she's doing." ~ thematicturkey
"NTA. She let you know where you stand in her life."
"You gave her 3 months notice to make other arrangements."
"Good for you for not letting her use you." ~ TraumaticEntry
"ESH, I think you could have a conversation with her to understand her point of view before jumping to cancelling and lying about why."
"Have you tried honestly telling her you were hurt to be left out and trying to understand her reasoning?"
"Maybe she thought it would be too stressful to be a bridesmaid on top of the other stuff you’re doing."
"The bigger question in my mind is why you’re left out of the wedding party if you wanted to be a part of it."
"Balancing all of the decisions in planning a wedding is stressful, though, and sometimes it can be genuinely challenging to avoid making anyone feel left out."
"But if you tell her it’s important to you and she dismisses you, then she’s the a**hole." ~ MitFahrGelegen
"NTA. I’ve been in a similar situation, and it’s very difficult, especially when it’s family, when you realize that you are not as important to them as they are to you."
"When that happens, I think it’s entirely appropriate to start recalibrating your actions to more closely align with how they clearly view you and your importance."
"That means go to the wedding."
"That means do the reading."
"That means don’t take care of the dog." ~ These-Coat-3164
"NTA. She has plenty of time to get Biscuit used to someone else between now and October if she gets cracking." ~ ShannaraRose
"Okay, originally I was thinking yes, you were the AH because getting 'wedding party' photos doesn't mean you're not in all the photos."
"I had family in my photos, and I had separate bridesmaid photos."
"It's a normal thing."
"But then you said a random cousin was brought in as a last-minute bridesmaid instead of you, her SISTER. Not to mention you are still participating in the wedding, paying for things, etc."
"No, it's not the dog's fault, but I feel you need to set a boundary and make it clear you felt disrespected."
"So NTA."
"But to play devil's advocate, are you sure you want to die on this particular hill?"
"Weddings are stressful, and the honeymoon isn't just affecting your sister but now your new BIL."
"You could always still keep your plans to watch the dog, and when they get back, make sure to sit your sister down and explain how you feel, and you won't be doing any more favors for her down the road if this is how you're going to be treated." ~ Ill_Ad7448
"NTA In my opinion, her intention was to use you for dog sitting."
"You offered to help in good faith, and she spat on that. It's not about photos, it's about the disrespect she showed toward you." ~ Deep-Okra1461
"NTA, you’re her sister."
"She did not include you as a bridesmaid."
"However, she allowed you to help pay for the flowers and to give up your personal time and a work assignment to babysit her dog so she could go on her honeymoon?"
"What more recognition could you want from her!?!"
"You absolutely should not be looking after biscuit."
"Not your problem."
"She only sees you as somebody to use, not her sister, not a member of her family, not important enough to be in her wedding photos."
"I can imagine that if they have children, you’ll be the aunt she dumped her kids on so she can have a break or go away."
"No, you are most definitely not TA in this situation; your sister, however, most definitely is TA."
"The cynical side of me suspects she’ll make an issue out of this with the family and her new husband, that her honeymoon is being destroyed because you’re backing out of dog sitting."
"You will have to just get through that, however difficult it may be."
"If you have parents and they turn to you and say well, you should just do it for your sister."
"Tell them this is the sister who refused to let me be in the wedding photos or in the wedding party."
"Why do I owe her anything?"
"If you want the dog taken care of so badly, you do it mom and Dad." ~ Swimming-Maize-5554
"NTA, and it isn't about the photos. It's being and feeling excluded from something that represents closeness and family, especially when less close people are included."
"It's because there's obviously some underlying issue and reason she isn't including you."
"I'd be so hurt."
"I recently found out a friend who moved far away, who I considered like my family, was local and visited most of our shared friend group but me, even though I'd made the effort to visit her in her new place."
"It's a painful feeling, and you are not obligated to look after her dog, especially when you're actually involved in helping with her wedding!" ~ Sundogflower
"NTA, the correct answer is 'yes, I am punishing you for leaving me out of the photos. It was unkind and inconsiderate, you won't even tell me why you did it.'"
"Don't watch her dog." ~ Ok_Homework8692
"Tell her the cousin in the photos can babysit the dog."
"She's good enough to get included then, so she's good enough to look after the anxious doggy."
"Have a great honeymoon, sis, don't worry bout showing me any photos either."
"But anyway, hope this clears up the mess you created." ~ Personal-Piglet1397
Reddit is with you, OP.
You have every right to your feelings.
Maybe you can sit down and have a serious chat about everything.
Perhaps it was all an innocent oversight.
But you do you.
Good Luck.
u/Prestigious-Focus63/Reddit
