Weddings can be a wonderful celebration of love and the extension of family. They can also be super stressful for those planning and maintaining the event.
But after it’s all done, you get some wonderful memories of the time together with those you care about. That’s what Reddit user excludednot thought would happen.
The original poster (OP) had a few issues with her sister that led her to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to find out if she reacted properly.
“AITA for not including my sister in a family photo?”
Sounds harsh, but there’s more to the story.
“I (32F[emale]) got married 4 years ago. My younger sister (30F[emale]) didn’t attend because my wedding had a no children condition.”
“At the time my other siblings (4 older brothers, 1 older sister) also had young kids but all of them attended my wedding. My younger sister was the only one who chose not to.”
“Her son was 14 months old at the time. She didn’t want to leave him. I tried to accommodate by saying I could book a hotel room (I got married in a hotel ballroom) so that she could leave her son with her MIL in the hotel room and check on him regularly.”
“Her MIL didn’t mind, but my sister refused. I also offered to pay for a babysitter but that was shot down as well. She didn’t seem to want any option other than bringing her son to the wedding.”
“She ended up not attending my wedding.”
“My wedding went off without a hitch. Aside from her everyone else from my family was there. I even had cousins, uncles and aunts who travelled in from different countries to attend my wedding.”
“After the wedding I went no contact with her. She tried to pretend like she didn’t skip the wedding and that our relationship would go back to normal. Obviously, it did not.”
“The next three years we did not have any communication. Last year we reconciled after our dad begged us to. She apologized and said she was suffering from extreme anxiety and didn’t want to be away from her son. We buried the hatchet and moved on.”
“Onto the issue: my husband and I are finally buying a house so I went and printed several of my wedding pictures to put up in the house. I printed a picture of my parents and siblings with my husband and I on our wedding day and framed it.”
“It is going on our living room wall. My younger sister isn’t in the picture as she didn’t attend the wedding. She is upset because she was excluded in the picture.”
“She wants me to Photoshop her into the picture and I said no.”
“If she wanted to be in the picture she should have made the effort to attend my wedding.”
“I have already printed the pictures and don’t want to reprint. Adding her in by Photoshop may compromise the quality of the pictures. Those are the reasons why I said no.”
“She claims that I’m punishing her by doing this. I do have other pictures of her + our family that I’m intending to put up in the house, but my wedding pictures are my favorite and the ‘main’ attraction.”:
“My family have mostly stayed out of the drama but my older sister did say she thought I was being petty.”
On the AITA board, Redditors pass judgment with one of the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Comments agreed the sister’s request to be edited into the photo is too much, but also think OP’s actions were wrong too.
It was determined everybody sucks here (ESH).
“ESH. I think you were a dick originally for cutting contact when she chose not to attend your wedding.”
“You can totally have a no kids wedding but if someone doesn’t feel comfortable attending apart from their young children and you decide to cut them out of your life because of it, you become an asshole.”
“However, I also think she’s now in the wrong for asking for the photoshop.” – maggienetism
“You went no contact with your sister, because you chose to have a child free wedding, and she chose to stay with her 14-month-old instead?”
“Yeah: you suck. Big time. Don’t have child free weddings if you’re not prepared for people with children (and reasons for not wanting to leave their children) to not come.”
‘I printed a picture of my parents and siblings with my husband and I on our wedding day …My younger sister isn’t in the picture as she didn’t attend the wedding. She is upset because she was excluded in the picture. She wants me to photoshop her into the picture and I said no.’
“This is, in a word, completely f’king ridiculous.”
“You both qualify for that adjective.”
“ESH — both of you need to get over yourselves. Talk about life is too short.” – Dszquphsbnt
“You can set whatever conditions you want for your wedding but to cut her off for not attending because the conditions weren’t ideal for her isn’t fair.”
“She definitely sucks for demanding to be photoshopped in. Who does that to wedding photos!? How would that even work!?”
“However you both sound like you need to reevaluate what it means to be “sisters.” Both of you seem to be expecting some grand gestures of affection or loyalty or something with your requests and reactions to each other.” – heyitsta12
OP also responded to come comments providing more of her perspective.
“You are absolutely allowed to have a child free wedding however you really can’t get offended if people with children then choose not to come. Going no contact over it makes you the asshole.”
“However the reality is she wasn’t at your wedding and expecting you to change your wedding photo also makes her the asshole.” – Awkward_Badger7516
“A wedding is usually a once in a lifetime event. If someone chooses not to attend it does send a very damning message that they don’t care about you.”
“I respected her reasons for not attending, but I still felt like she didn’t value our relationship as sisters and was very hurt over it. We are okay now.” – excludednot
“Upset sure. Going no contact and holding a grudge no. This is an outsiders, objective view so you should consider that.”
“It’s not that I don’t get where you’re coming from. However you’re not extending the courtesy I’m extending you to your sister.”
“She had anxiety. Even if she didn’t she didn’t feel comfortable leaving her child. This is a risk people who hold child free weddings incur in.”
“You don’t get to act like this if some of your guests don’t feel comfortable attending.” – alongstrangesomethin
“I wanted my sister to come. She made the decision not to come. I didn’t force her to attend. That is all I am expected to do.”
“She and other people can’t tell me how to feel after. If you skip out on someone’s wedding just don’t expect your relationship to be the same. It is naïve to expect that.”
“I don’t think anyone could have talked me out of it then as I was really hurt and angry then. We have moved on and started talking again. so that’s that.”
“also, I only found out about her anxiety last year when we reconciled.” – excludednot
These comments turned the tide for some people and pushed their opinion against OP.
“YTA. I was going to say everyone sucks until I read your responses & decided you are way worse than your sister.”
“A wedding invitation is not a summons. People, especially people who are suffering from anxiety & other illnesses, are free to decline.”
“You had the right to make any conditions on attending your wedding that you chose. Invitees are free to decline.”
“You are clearly still stuck on your wedding as the event of the century & still making an issue of the fact that sister didn’t attend.”
“Her wanting to be photoshopped into the picture is ridiculous, but I bet these pictures are another stick you use to beat her up for not attending your wedding. Get over it.” – YMMV-But
“If it meant so much to you for your sister to be there, you would have allowed her to bring her baby. Obviously having the perfect once in a lifetime wedding was more important to you than your relationship with your sister.”
“If you had valued your sister more she would have been in the wedding photos that now hang on your wall and she wouldn’t have to feel excluded from your life AGAIN. So YTA.” – MommyBunny33
The internet seems to think OP’s consternation at her sister comes from the wedding. This may be true.
However, commenters who mentioned it, also felt the sister’s request to be edited into the main wedding photo was too far. But it seemed to be small beans in comparison.
Maybe OP is still upset about her sister not attending the wedding and needs to talk with her. If they can genuinely bury the hatchet this time, like OP thought they did, it might make the sister drop the idea of being Photoshopped into the wedding photo.