Brides want to feel their best on their wedding day.
At least, that is the hope.
They want to pick their own colors and food and clothes.
But a lot off future in-laws seem to want to intervene.
Cue the drama.
Redditor stuckintheshmiddle wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for refusing to wear S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw]'s wedding attire on my day?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My wedding is in 2 months, and I've already picked my dress and accessories."
"A few days ago, my fiancé told me that his mom wants to know what I'll be borrowing from my SIL for the wedding."
"Apparently they follow the 'something borrowed' tradition, but it has to be something borrowed from a former bride."
"My SIL got married a few months ago, so I guess the assumption was I would wear something of hers."
"She wore a friend's shawl and has offered me a blazer."
"My issue is there's genuinely nothing of hers that I would want to wear."
"We have very different styles, and if she had some jewelry or shoes that I loved, I would be more than happy to borrow those, but I'm not into anything she wore."
"I told my fiancé that I'd have to respectfully decline, and he agreed that I shouldn't wear something I don't want to on my day."
"My SIL didn't take this very well, and now I've been told that she feels offended because I'm about to become her sister, and I guess me refusing to wear something of hers made her feel a certain way."
"I've been reflecting on it for a few days, and I do feel somewhat bad about it, but I also don't think I should be guilt-tripped into anything."
"Not sure how to handle this without being the bad guy, and I don't want to start my marriage off on the wrong foot with my partner's family."
"Am I being unreasonable?"
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. A blazer is an odd thing to offer for your wedding."
"I would ask if there was something small, like a bracelet or anklet, you could borrow instead."
"It is reasonable to decline a blazer on your wedding day!"
"I’d just ask for something less conspicuous and explain that being so close to the wedding you already have everything picked out that you wanted."
"And explain that you didn’t know this was a tradition; otherwise, you might have been proactive and figured out a way to incorporate something before everything was chosen."
"Other options are a hair piece,"
"Ribbon on your bouquet, a family handkerchief you could carry."
"My something old was my Nana’s wedding day prayer book, and I had the flowers made to match how she’d done it, and my mom carried that as her flowers down the aisle and at the ceremony."
"Think outside the box." ~ Professional_Tour464
"I pinned a borrowed lucky charm to the inside of my dress."
"Could you compromise by borrowing something of hers and doing likewise?"
"They keep the tradition going, but you get to wear what you want."
"If they won’t accept a compromise, though, that’s on them."
"Traditions only work if everyone wants to continue them." ~ CraftyFraggle
"She offered you a blazer?!"
"I’ve never seen a bride wear a blazer, so that seems… odd."
"Or like she’s trying to make you look bad."
"Explain that you appreciate the offer but your family doesn’t follow this tradition."
"Does she have a small handbag you could use?"
"Or how about cologne?"
"I’m trying to think of something innocuous that might work."
"OR tell her you’re borrowing something from your mom/sister/bridesmaid whatever."
"Her hurt feelings are her problem."
""And hell no to the blazer." ~ chicagok8
"NTA - It sounds like a cute idea, but SIL and M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] really should have approached you regarding it and offered you the opportunity to partake."
"Going through your fiancé makes it seem like it isn’t even that important."
"I always believe the bride and her side get to dictate the traditions she follows, so just politely tell them you are borrowing something from your side with your own tradition, or see if SIL has something small you can incorporate."
"Also, who offers a blazer?"
"I’ve never seen a bride even wear a blazer." ~ MiraToombs
"NTA. But most people borrow something insignificant that can be hidden or a piece of jewelry/hair clip from experience."
"So his family is definitely overreacting." ~ WarehouseEmpty
"A blazer?"
"Like a jacket/sports coat if it were a man?"
"Do brides wear jackets to their weddings?"
"Tell her that you don't expect there to be any time you would wear a blazer during your wedding, but if she has a handkerchief you can tuck up a sleeve or something small you can pin under your dress where it won't clash with your dress style, you'd be happy to borrow it." ~ holycraptheresnoname
"How are you the bad guy just by refusing to wear something of hers?"
"If your future husband is fine with your decision, which he has, there shouldn't be a problem."
"Tell them you have borrowed something from your friend or family, and that should be enough to fit the requirements of the tradition."
"Or is it that you have to borrow from his family only?"
"I have to ask if you are American because stories like these are typically American."
"How can anyone make someone feel guilty for doing what they want on their wedding day?"
"It's madness." ~ No_Raise6934
"NTA - Try sitting and talking with her."
"Explain that it's nothing personal; you just have a different style than hers, and while you like those things on her, you don't think they look good on you."
"If there's space for a compromise, talk about it."
"If she still feels offended and refuses to back down, that's her problem, not yours."
"It's your wedding, you can use whatever you want, and if your future husband agrees with you, then HE should talk to his sister and tell her she needs to respect your decisions." ~ Ok-Syllabub7745
"NTA. You don’t have to do the tradition at all if you don’t want to, but if you find something to borrow from someone closer to you (like maybe your mom?), that may help appease them."
"Not a must but a potentially useful strategy if you like it." ~ SMKnightly
"NTA - I can’t stand it when the groom’s family expect the bride to follow their traditions/expectations without even sparing a thought for what the bride actually wants or even has traditions of her own."
"It’s actually really rude when you think about it."
"I experienced it, but with our daughter’s middle name."
"MIL and SIL (and MIL’s sisters and nieces, then men didn’t gaf) were very offended we didn’t use the girl’s middle name, which is a tradition in their family."
"They didn’t even think that maybe I had other ideas and traditions in my own family."
"After numerous digs, including that their family ‘didn’t get a look in’ when it came to our children’s names, I finally shut them up by loudly exclaiming, They have your surname, isn’t that enough?’"
"Anyway - you are definitely NTA and even if you just invent your own tradition to shut them up, do it."
"Weddings are soured by this bullsh*t, and they need to pull their heads in." ~ Proud_Apricot316
"NTA. SIL is making your wedding day about herself, not about you and your needs."
"If her style and tastes aren’t yours, that is perfectly understandable."
"You are, in fact, your own person, as is she with individual tastes and styles, and if you respectfully declined that should be the end of it; no is a complete answer."
"She is making this bigger than it really needs to be, and that is in fact on her, not on you."
"I wouldn’t give it any more attention, as you’ve handled it, and I wouldn’t make any excuses or compromises because they (fiancé’s family) may argue around them or debate them."
"Just no thank you, I’m good, I have everything I need, but thank you for the offer, short, sweet and to the point." ~ Important_Count8954
"NTA, OP."
"Why is it only up to you to not start your married life on the wrong foot?"
"Asking for compliance with this tradition would be okay if you were the one asking for a specific thing."
"It makes no sense that SIL would tell you what she is willing to give you."
"That loses the 'borrowed' magic as it is what you are given, not what you borrowed."
"No relationship is one-sided."
"Even a family dynamic relationship is a two-way street, and if your in-laws want to die on this weird hill, then that is sad, but it is not your fault."
"If you bend over backwards right from the start and they won't accept any no, then this is not going to work anyway unless you always bend over backwards for them forever." ~ Groduna
OP came back to Update...
"Thank you all for the advice!"
"I will not be wearing the blazer or anything else of hers for that matter, but I have decided to text her to clear the air."
"I've yet to receive a response, so hopefully that's the end of that."
"For everybody wondering what the blazer looks like/how it was worn, here you go."
"Obviously blurred out people and background, but hopefully you all get the idea."
"Thanks again."
Thank you for the update.
Reddit is with you, OP.
It's YOUR special day.
Don't be guilted into anything.
Congrats and good luck.
