There are few items more precious to a bride than their wedding dress.
Even if the chances of them ever wearing them a second time are slim to none, it is nonetheless an important reminder of what was hopefully the happiest day of their lives, passing it on for their own daughter to wear.
Nor does a wedding dress have to be especially fancy or elaborate to please a bride. What’s important is that wearing it makes her feel happy.
The soon-to-be sister-in-law of Redditor cheapsil was having trouble finding a wedding dress, specifically one which made her happy that she could afford.
Luckily, she came up with a solution to her problem, which would require a little help from the original poster (OP).
Help that the OP flat out refused to give, angering her brother and his fiancé.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not letting my SIL use my wedding dress for her wedding even though she can’t afford one?”
The OP shared how she felt her brother’s fiancé set her expectations too high in hoping she would help her with her wedding.
“My (28 F[emale]) younger brother (24 M[ale]) and his fiancée (23 F) are supposed to get married in the spring after being engaged for about a year.”
“My younger brother has always been the golden child between the both of us to my mom (not to my dad).”
“Him and his fiancée currently live with her, rent-free might I add.”
“My dad and I, on the other hand, have mixed feelings about this wedding.”
“We both feel like my brother is rushing into things and not being financially smart.”
“He just finished his bachelor program a year ago, is still trying to get on his feet and find a good full-time job in his field, and decides to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding?”
“We sat him down and explained this to him and asked him what the rush was?”
“Why not push it off for a few years and save up so you guys can really have the wedding of your dreams?”
“He explained to us that his fiancée wants the wedding as soon as possible and doesn’t want to wait.”
“Well, his fiancée’s family is pitching in a couple thousand for the wedding, and my dad reluctantly is pitching in a couple thousand as well (all important later).”
“Well, a few nights ago I’m eating dinner with my husband when I get a call from my future SIL.”
“Convo starts our normal ‘hey how are you?’, ‘sh*tty weather we’re having’ etc etc, until she tells me she has a serious question to ask me.”
The SIL got right to the point.
“She asks me if she can use my wedding dress, that I wore to my wedding JUST OVER A YEAR AGO.”
“She explains that she can’t afford one herself, that she absolutely LOVES mine, and that it would be her ‘something borrowed.'”
“I immediately shut her down and said I’m sorry, but no, this is a THOUSANDS of dollars dress we’re talking about that she’d have to get altered to fit her btw too, so no way.”
“We’re also not even close at all and barely talk, so like wtf?”
“She starts begging and even starts CRYING and going on about how she can’t afford one.”
“I told her I’m sorry, but no.”
This did not sit will with the future SIL.
“She then starts going on about how I’m not even financially helping her and my brother pay for the wedding, so the least I can do is let her use my dress.”
“I told her the honest truth, that I think they’re rushing into having a wedding and not being financially smart.”
“She said she didn’t care, she has a timeline and wants to be married by 25.”
“I basically said to her that she made her bed so now she has to lie in it, and figure it out herself, and if she can’t afford her WEDDING DRESS, then she should be having a wedding.”
“Simple as that.”
“She ran back to my mom and my brother to tell them what I said.”
“They think I’m an AH because I have the money to help my brother and his fiancée financially, but I’m being ‘selfish’ and ‘unsupportive.'”
“They also think, ‘it’s just a dress, so what’s the big deal.'”
“My dad is on my side and defending me and is now thinking of taking back his financial help due to the sheer audacity of my brother’s fiancée asking me such a thing.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was not at all the a**hole for refusing to lend her wedding dress to her brother’s fiancé.
Everyone agreed that the OP was absolutely correct in believing that a wedding dress was not just something you lend out and that her brother and his fiancé were taking far too much advantage of other people’s generosity to fund their wedding.
“Who pays for their sibling’s wedding? Come on now.”
“If my brothers wanted to get married, I would tell them congrats, and I’ll see you on your big day?”
“Like, who asks anyone to contribute to their party?”
“Please don’t give these people a dime.”
“She has a terrible timeline planned, so now she gets to have a cheap wedding.”- Strange-Courage
“She asked, and you said no, she should have left it there.”
“I would have stuck to the ‘no, you can’t, no, I don’t want to lend it out or no, I’m not paying money for your wedding.'”
“I hate when people assume others have money and it should be spent on them.”
“She should look for a dress in her budget: thrift shop, online sellers, David’s Bridal.”
“She doesn’t need a dress for thousands of dollars.”
“I would keep it focused on it’s your dress. You said no and don’t need to explain why she can’t borrow it.”
“Also, that their wedding is not something you should or will fund.”- travelkmac
“If she has to alter the dress, you’ll never be able to wear it again.”
“If you do lend it to her, you’ll probably never see it again cuz she’ll give the excuse that it doesn’t even fit you right anymore.”
“Do not let this woman anywhere near your dress.”- Foxdenfreude
“Tell her to use a sack of flour as a dress if she wants to get married so badly.”
“The entitlement, Jesus f*cking Christ.”- kourier6
“For every single reason, you just stated.”
“I would NOT let her borrow that dress.”
“How f*cking rude.”
“No is a complete sentence. You owe no one an explanation, you are allowed boundaries, and she overstepped.”
“Impact over the intention.”
“You are free to choose what you think is best and take care of yourself.”- contessalynn_art
“That’s your own very personal expensive dress.”
“The audacity to ask you to let her alter it and use it for her wedding, especially so close to yours.”
“I’m glad your dad also has some common sense and that he’s got your back.”
“Sounds like your SIL is rushing your brother here.”
“Is this even what he wants?”
“Stand your ground.”
“Absolutely NTA.”- Coy_Koi9
“If you don’t want to that is up to you. It’s your dress after all, and just because you have the money to help someone doesn’t mean you are obligated to do so.”
“Her motives for getting married are also weird.”
“Like she doesn’t want to get married just because she is in love with him, she has a timeline?”
“There’s a time for things, and if she can’t afford it, she either scales down the wedding, so it is affordable… or wait.”
“Another note, there are tons of beautiful second-hand dresses she could look at.” – InvisibleAngst
“You have no obligation to give her your wedding dress.”
“Her pressuring you is an AH move.”- trekie88
“Weddings can occur without extreme expense.”
“Literally, the cost of the marriage license is all that’s required.”
“If they want a big, expensive wedding, they need to wait until they can afford it.”
“If they cannot afford the wedding they envision, then they need to alter their vision.”
“There are many consignment shops, thrift stores, and other resale shops like Goodwill that carry wedding dresses that are in good shape for less than $100.”
“There are also places that rent wedding dresses.”
“The least you can do is nothing, which, if I were you, nothing is exactly what I would do.”
“Your mom and brother are personally invested in supporting your brother’s immature, demanding, entitled fiancé, so they should definitely spend their money to buy her a wedding dress.”
“Hope your soon-to-be-married brother wakes up to the life he will have if he marries his fiancée before it is too late.”
“Next thing you know, they will be demanding someone buy them a home or a car because they want one and don’t want to wait.”
“Better to bring their entitlement to a screeching halt.”
“If they cannot even afford to live alone, it is ridiculous to expect others to fund a lavish wedding.”-Gladtobealive2020
Many brides like to incorporate “something borrowed.”
Though, borrowing a wedding dress seems a bit of a stretch.
And if she has to make numerous alterations to make it fit, does that even count as borrowing?