Driving can be dangerous.
That's why being careful is key to survival.
If a car is totaled, the loans and insurance payments don't always go away.
But that doesn't always impede reckless behavior.
Redditor redwayit wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
"AITA for demanding my son repay the car I bought him after he totaled it street racing?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (49 M[ale]) helped my son (20 M) get a car when he started college about 2 years ago."
"I co-signed and put about $12k down on a used but pretty reliable car for him."
"From the start, I told him it was not a gift, it was more like a loan from me."
"The idea was that once he had a job, he would start paying me back monthly, and also that if he started driving like an idiot, I would take the car back."
"Last weekend, he completely totaled it."
"Turns out he was doing street racing stuff with some friends."
"The car is gone, and now insurance is pushing back because it happened during illegal activity."
"There is still about $8k left on the loan, so right now I'm the one stuck with it."
"He does have a part-time job, but honestly, most of his money goes to partying and games."
"I told him he needs to start paying me back."
"I asked for $300 a month until it's paid off."
"I also said if he refuses, I might take it to small claims because I really don't want to be the one paying for a car he destroyed doing something stupid."
"He blew up at me and said I'm heartless and kicking him while he's down because the accident 'traumatized' him."
"He said parents are supposed to help their kids, not treat them like debtors."
"My ex-wife (his mom) is also on his side and says if I didn't want this situation, I should have just given him the car."
"Some friends say $12k is a lot of money, and accidents happen, so I should just let it go."
"But to me, the deal was clear from the start, and he broke it in a pretty big way."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for expecting him to stick to the deal and pay me back?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. His bratty entitled attitude means that it is really important that he is held accountable for this, that there are consequences for his actions."
"Letting him off the hook will just amplify his stupid behavior." ~ stemroach101
"This. He needs to feel how shi**y it is to have to pay this off, so he doesn't do anything this stupid again."
"If it doesn't impact him, he's just going to keep making stupid choices." ~ OneFit6104
"Exactly. I knew a 'winner' in H[igh] S[chool] whose parents bought him a car, and he immediately put a nitrous bottle on it and blew the motor."
"Somehow, he got away with getting his parents to put two new motors in it with him immediately reinstalling the nitros and blowing it up before his parents caught on."
"He will never learn his lesson if he gets away with this Scott-free." ~ ArtisticAd7455
"When I was 17, I got into a car accident that was entirely my fault... I wasn't intentionally doing something stupid, but I was an impatient teen, and I made a very scary mistake."
"My parents' car had about $12-13k in damage too. "
"Thankfully for me, I was physically okay (for the most part), and our car insurance covered it."
"BUT... in hindsight do wish my parents had made me do something like pay for my car insurance (or at least the amount that it increased after the accident), because it would have taught me to be more responsible, in general, at an earlier age."
"OP, you're trying to teach your kid to be responsible. "
"The idea that you should let it go because 'it's a lot of money' is a*inine."
"The fact that it's a lot of money is exactly why your son should be paying you back."
"Let this go, and you'll be bankrolling even more of his expensive mistakes over the next few years. NTA."
"ETA: Get him some therapy too, because I'm sure he is traumatized."
"But it doesn't have to be either/or; you can address the trauma AND the lack of good decision-making." ~ Impulsive_Ruminator
"I would add that your role as a parent is indeed to help your children."
"Help them be responsible adults who are able to function on their own in society, that is."
"Teaching your son to deal with the consequences of his actions and being held accountable for damages he has caused others is absolutely helping him." ~ fietscombi
"This right here."
"Its parents are NOT doing this, that is why there are so many entitled brats these days."
"I made mistakes when young, my parents helped me out financially, and I paid them back."
"It sucks for him, but it was his choice to do something stupid (and this is coming from a former streetracer many moons ago), and he needs to pay the piper." ~ Cornflakecwl2
"Hopefully, he's on your ex-wife's insurance."
"She might start to sing a different tune when her renewal comes in."
"NTA at all." ~ Massive-Beginning994
"NTA. He needs to learn that actions have consequences."
"He wrecked the car racing it illegally."
"Insurance won't cover it due to the illegal activity."
"If he can't/won't realize that his actions mean he will be out of a car AND he has to pay the balance, then sue him."
"His mom can chip in if she wants, too..."
"You told him at the beginning this was not a GIFT, but a LOAN... he should've known better... one very expensive lesson to learn...AND he 100% dug this hole BY HIMSELF!!!!" ~ politicallymoderate2
"NTA, this wasn't an accident; it was the direct result of his reckless behavior."
"He's lucky he just has to pay money and not face charges for killing someone because this could have ended much worse for him." ~ SPlNPlNS
"NTA, your son apparently needed the fullness of the lesson."
"He's lucky he didn't hurt anyone or worse."
"He put himself in this position."
"I met a young woman years ago (she was 21), she wrecked her first two cars, and her parents bought her a third, which permanently injured a friend of hers when she wrecked that one."
"Her parents regretted not making a decision to stop her." ~ whatsmypassword73
"NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes."
"He'd better be careful that charges from the police or insurance aren't coming as well, but you definitely shouldn't be on the hook for it."
"That isn't just doing something stupid; it is also doing something illegal."
"It kinda sounds like he knows the buzzwords that get your ex on his side."
"You gotta shut that down."
"I'll be honest, it might really sour your relationship."
"But he will be infinitely better off for it."
"Imagine if someone had been hurt or died."
"He needs to understand the gravity of the situation." ~ Kingalthor
"NTA. F**k around, find out."
"If insurance doesn't pay out, he has to pay you back."
"Period."
"12k on a car was very generous, let alone racing in that." ~ I_-AM-ARNAV
"NTA. You need to give this kid a dose of reality."
"He thinks you should be gentle with him after he trashed a car that didn't even belong to him."
"He needs to learn some responsibility."
"Don't let it go."
"Make sure he pays."
"He doesn't need to party or game." ~ Regular_Boot_3540
"NTA. Your son sounds a smidgen entitled."
"He's an adult, he made an adult decision, time to face the adult consequences."
"Especially since you had made it clear from the start that it was not a gift, but rather a loan." ~ Big_Orange5413
"NTA. It wasn't an accident."
"He chose to engage in a high-risk activity that could easily have led to his death."
"He needs to be feeling the pain of consequences, because that might be what makes him think for a few seconds before he does it again."
"If you start to waver, you could be burying him right now, or visiting him in prison after he killed someone else."
"He made a stupid decision, and he needs to be the one to bear the burden of it." ~ Cloverose2
"NTA. Having him face the consequences of his actions (repayment) while still being the safety net (you're covering the loan) is helping him, even if he's too immature to see it."
"He's lucky he didn't end up expelled or in jail with the rest of his bad-influence friends."
"HE made the decision to do something stupid and dangerous, HE is old enough to know better, HE needs to take responsibility like a mature adult." ~ shdgaf
"NTA - He was f**king around breaking adult laws with equipment he didn't own."
"He's lucky he didn't kill anyone."
"Stand firm until he learns the lesson."
"Dont be cruel, you don't want him to hate you forever." ~ madsheeter
"NTA - This is one of those crucial teachable moments in his life."
"If you give in, he will learn that with enough fuss, he can get away with anything, even if he is the one in the wrong."
"He needs to take responsibility now or he never will." ~ AlarmingKale1997
"NTA, but make sure not to get him a new car."
"Any and all things he wants, he can get himself."
"He needs to grow up and see that stuff needs to get paid for."
"It sucks that his mom does not see it as a big issue."
"But someone needs to teach/show him that even if things happen that traumatize/scare you, if you did something illegal, you will have to pay for it."
"If it weren't you, it would be something else that wouldn't care about him." ~ Emisys
Reddit supports you, OP.
Actions have consequences.
Your son is about to learn the hard way.
$8K is A LOT of money.
