When two people are going to be married, it shouldn't be a stretch to assume that both people have chosen each other as their first choice, not as a last resort or placeholder.
Of course, it would make sense for a person who is about to married to assume that of their partner, too, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Icy-Resident-706 was deeply in love with her future husband and looking forward to their wedding, which was still three months away, and she assumed that he felt the same way about her.
But when she overheard him joking around with his friends, stating that she'd make a good wife while he continued to look around for someone better, the Original Poster (OP) was so deeply hurt, she considered calling off the wedding right then and there.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for wanting to cancel my wedding after what I overheard?"
The OP was excited about her wedding until she found out her fiancé didn't feel the same way.
"I’m supposed to get married in three months."
"Last weekend, my fiancé had his friends over, and they were drinking in the backyard while I was inside cleaning up."
"I went outside to bring snacks and stopped when I heard one of his friends ask, 'So do you actually think you’re ready to settle down already?'"
"My fiancé laughed and said, 'I mean… she’s wife material. Doesn’t mean I’ll stop looking.'"
"Everyone laughed. One friend even said, 'Bro really said subscriptions don’t stop because you bought the full version.'"
The OP felt betrayed.
"I felt physically sick. I walked back inside before they saw me and haven’t told him I heard it."
"Since then, I’ve been noticing little things… He turns his phone away from me, suddenly changed his password, and keeps liking thirst traps of random girls online."
"When I brought up feeling disconnected lately, he told me I was 'creating problems out of nowhere.'"
"My sister says maybe it was just drunk guy humor, and I shouldn’t throw away a whole relationship over one joke, but honestly, I can’t even look at him the same anymore."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that, a joke or not, the comment was a sign of his disrespect for the OP.
"NOR. Huge red flag, even if it was a joke. He doesn’t respect you, and he is joking at your expense to his friends. That’s absolutely worthy of a breakup." - -QuainT-
"Yeah, even if he tries to walk it back, that kind of 'joke' says a lot about how he talks when he thinks you’re not around." - QueasyPop6138
"He 'keeps liking thirst traps of random girls online.' No, he's playing in your face, and you're just letting him. Stop that right now. NOR." - Scary_Sarah
"NOR. But, you need to learn how to stand up for yourself. Why did YOU slink back inside?"
"I would have said, 'What the h**l did you just say?' right in front of his disgusting friends. But, honestly, dude is already trying to cheat. Is that what you want?" - chalisa0
"NOR. It makes me sad you even need to ask."
"Men on this sub are like, 'My girlfriend of two months wore a dress that I thought was too sexy to her friend's birthday party, should I break up with the cheating lying sl*t?'"
"Women on this sub are like, 'My fiancé is talking about looking to cheat on me to his friends, should I marry him in three months?'" - Positive-Tonight4184
Others cringed, unsure how they would trust someone again after making a comment like that.
"Ew. Girl, start planning your exit; this is gross. NOR." - KellieBom
"NOR. I’m so sorry for this. He is not husband material. Don’t make excuses for what is clearly unacceptable. I worked with a guy who, on his wedding night, was texting nudes back and forth with his side piece. Girl, run. I’m so sorry." - Little_Red_Sloth
"I don't think he deserves to know what she heard. I'd just hand him the engagement ring and tell him it's over (after recovering as much of the wedding deposits as I could). I'd WANT to tell him that I'm not interested in being a placeholder wife while he window shops, but I think the most I'd give him is, 'I just don't think you're husband material.'" - BitterQueen7
"NOR. Please don’t marry this person. They are not worth your time or energy. Even if he was drunk, that is not an excuse. You deserve someone who treats you with respect, and he ain’t it. I’m so sorry." - BearSoul76
"It's not just the joke. How a man reacts when he's hurt you is invaluable information. He's already being dismissive about your concerns. A relationship where the two of you can't communicate is doomed, and that's before you add the disrespect and potential infidelity to the mix. NOR." - KillTheBoyBand
Some Redditors spoke up, pointing out that they would never speak about their partner in that way.
"NOR."
"Guy here. Me and my guy friends are some of the most stereotypical millennial dude-guys ever, and even we would never say something so gross as a joke."
"I can't even imagine one of my friends being this openly and flippantly disrespectful of their partner. They would immediately be called out and shamed."
"This dude is not husband material, and you need to get the f**k out now, because it will get infinitely more difficult once you're married."
"You can do better, I promise you. If he's not ready to be done looking, let him look all he wants. Alone." - Seth_Gecko
"I'm GenX, and I wholeheartedly agree. None of my male friends or acquaintances would ever say anything like this either. And several of them are from the Baby Boom generation."
"The only dudes that make this sort of joke, drunk or sober, are ones that have little to no respect for their partner. Some of them might not be misogynists, and just have a very crass and crude sense of humor. But most of them probably have at least some misogyny going on." - hard_tyrant_dinosaur
"NOR. I married my husband in October. He would never say that shit. I’m so sorry."
"He’s not the one. Someone worthy of marriage would be sick at the thought of ever being with anyone else but their soon-to-be spouse."
"You will find someone like that. Be grateful you know now and not after..." - lovelyvibes4
"I ignored the behavior of my ex-husband. Friends told me he was just joking, he loved me so much, I was overreacting."
"He cheated on me for years, and I finally caught him. I filed for divorce. 10 years later, married to someone who loves and respects me. NOR." - jenn_e_girl
"NOR!! If I overheard my boyfriend, not even someone in engaged to, talk about me like this, I’d end it."
"He obviously wouldn’t have said it had he known you were there, so he was showing his true colours and intentions. As soon as 'someone better' comes along, he’ll leave you for her. You deserve so much better than him." - Equal_Bridge5386
Some urged the OP to call off the wedding and dump this guy immediately.
"The universe wanted you to hear that. Now you can save yourself years of heartache and the serious effort it takes to leave a marriage." - Lucky_Jupiter_
"NOR. It’s a lucky break you heard it. Probably saved you years of misery, and money too. Cancel everything, but if he’s paying, let those refund deadlines pass." - Kip_Schtum
"NOR. 'Wife material' remark sounds like he sees you as a bang maid while he does what he wants and you hold down the house and help him look respectable. Don’t marry this man-child. HE’s not husband material. The disrespect is a deal breaker for me." - saltedcaramelcookie
"Cancel the wedding. Sit and talk with him. Tell him what you heard and that you will not be anyone's place holder or toy. NOR." - Lucky-Ad-4589
"NOR. For fun (before you leave him, cuz you're gonna do that, right?), talk to him and say, 'Hun, I was thinking. When we get married, what if we also started an open relationship? You're definitely husband material, but I kinda just want to keep looking. What do you think?'" - MyUneducatedGuess
"When she does dump him, she absolutely has to tell him that, 'While you might view me as wife material while you keep shopping around, you are NOT husband material,' and then enjoy his continued search for someone who will tolerate his disrespect." - Beginning-Potato-617
As excited as the OP had been to get married and spend the rest of her life with this man, it was clear he didn't feel the same way, so the silver lining of this whole thing was that she overheard his true intentions before she wasted her time, her money, and her heart by walking down that aisle.
She might be wife material, but he certainly wasn't husband material.
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