Love can be a tricky thing.
So many humans pine for it, and then some people get it; only they fear it.
This fear can cause a lot of turmoil.
But certain actions can't be defined or forgotten because of personal fear.
Redditor ThrowRAUnlitSeashore wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
"My fiancée confessed to hooking up with another guy during our break. I'm struggling to move past this. AIO?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I'm (28 M[ale]) feeling super lost about my relationship with my fiancée (29 F[emale])."
"I'd appreciate a fresh perspective."
"We've been together for about 3 years now, but have been friends for 5 years."
"We met in the same workplace friend group."
"She's my best friend and my partner in every way."
"Our relationship hasn't been without challenges, but we've been a solid team."
"Last December, my fiancée asked if we could take a break so she could recalibrate."
"She said she was struggling with finding her purpose outside of our relationship."
"I've never believed in the concept of breaks, but I wanted to support her."
"So I agreed, and we set boundaries."
"Essentially, we wouldn't see other people."
"The break wasn't long."
"By Christmas, it was already over."
"She said it was a mistake and she wanted us."
"And things were good."
"Our communication was stronger, and like no time apart had ever occurred."
"We were engaged by New Year's."
"My fiancée didn't wanna wait anymore."
"She wanted us to start our lives together in marriage."
"This past week, she's been anxious and blamed it on wedding jitters."
"Then the other day she sat me down and confessed to hooking up with some guy during the break."
"She met him on a dating app, and they had sex a couple of times."
"She claims the guilt's been eating at her, and she opened up to her sister (31 F) a month ago."
"Apparently, her sister pushed her to come clean before the wedding."
"When my fiancée stalled, her sister warned she'd tell me herself if my fiancée didn't."
"It was a lot to accept at once."
"I barely said a word."
"I was too numb, and I'm still wrapping my mind around everything."
"Like my fiancée has had a complicated connection with sex due to past experiences."
"When we got together, she wanted us to practice celibacy, and that evolved into celibacy until marriage."
"She believed that waiting would cement our bond and elevate our relationship."
"We focused on other forms of intimacy."
"The no sex stuff was never a dealbreaker for me."
"Sex wasn't the basis of my love for her, nor was it why I wanted to be with her."
"And she was well worth the wait in any capacity for me."
"But I'm struggling now because I don't understand how she can turn around and give herself to some random guy in a way she's never given herself to me."
"Celibacy was so important to her, but she gave that away for him."
"She swears the other guy meant nothing, and it was the biggest mistake of her life."
"That she ended the fling because I'm the one she's in love with and who she wants to be with."
"But I don't know, nothing she said really landed for me to be honest."
"I asked if she would have told me if it wasn't for her sister."
"She said she doesn't know."
"She promised to do anything to rebuild trust and repair our relationship, no matter how long it takes."
"She still wants us to proceed with the wedding."
"She said she believes in our love and how we can withstand anything."
"How this doesn't have to define us."
"When I didn't engage, she just cried and kept asking me to say something."
"I told her I needed to clear my head."
"I don't like speaking when my emotions are all over the place."
"I tend to regret it."
"So I prefer to gather myself."
"But my fiancée hasn't respected my request, and when I don't engage, she's hurt."
"And now she's also super affectionate."
"She's always been affectionate, but she's different with it now, if that makes sense."
"This doesn't feel like real life."
"I never expected this betrayal from her."
"We're supposed to be planning a wedding and everything that comes with it."
"Our wedding is around the corner."
"We're having a modest gathering, so the planning wasn't that long."
"I feel so numb to everything."
"I'm in love with her, and she's the woman I wanted to share a life with, but for the first time, I'm questioning everything."
"I don't even trust myself anymore, to be honest."
"I feel so stupid and like such a joke."
"I'm just lost."
The OP was left to wonder:
"I don't know how to move past this and navigate our relationship. AIO?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the Ahole.
"She didn't want a break."
"She had a curiosity and couldn't let it go."
"Acted on it and either regretted it and overcompensated or learned what she needed to learn."
"In either case, the reason for the break was dishonest, and she violated that agreement not to see anyone."
"Normally, what happens during a break or break-up stays."
"But this was so short, and her comeback was so strong that it's giving huge red flags." ~ Tanz31
"I'd put my money on this."
"She wanted to take a break to explore another option, probably found out real fast that it was not what she expected, and panicked."
"Ran back real fast to you and was never planning on telling you."
"The only reason she is telling is that she was given an ultimatum by her sister."
"Don’t trust this person. Leave." ~ Eatyourfriendz
"So she cheated, and it was premeditated."
"That was her whole plan, by the way, because she could have slept with him during the relationship, but forced a break so she wouldn't feel guilty, but you set a boundary, and she still didn't feel guilty until her sister said she would tell you."
"Because she was gonna say she never technically cheated because of the break."
"NOR, she's a cheater, and they continue to cheat." ~ Fanfictionaddict13
"There is no version of this where you should stay with this woman."
"You will regret it."
"She does not respect you at all, and get the heartbreak over with now because it will be 100x worse in the future."
"God forbid you have kids together, and then things get to the breaking point."
"Find someone who will cherish you, my man."
"You deserve real love, man, based on your side of the story."
"There is nothing like it, my friend."
"Good luck." ~ PhoenixRise75
"Absolutely not."
"Yeah, I don’t wanna believe this is true, but if it is true, you need to get rid of her because of whatever he said above all the obvious things that she went out, hooked up with another dude, and it was definitely premeditated."
"I think the whole thing about waiting till marriage for y’all to have sex is kind of garbage, especially if she’s had sex before she’s literally waiting for you to get married, but yet this guy can just meet up with her and have sex with her and from a dating app or less."
"I can almost forget that it was like a Chance meeting, but she wanted to screw around until you get rid of her." ~ Professional-Meal602
"The fact that she was making you wait but gave it up to some random guy while on a break that she requested, I’m sorry, but there are things that a person can’t come back from."
"If I were you, I would eat at me for the rest of my life."
"I went through something similar, and our relationship exploded in a nasty fight less than 3 months after we resumed our relationship."
"And I was the one who tried to pretend it wouldn’t bother me, but it was eating away at my sanity." ~ Visual_Pressure_4265
"I am not saying not to marry her."
"I am saying you can't marry her now as it is."
"You need to make some sort of change, reconciliation, fix, or something."
"I want to ask this for a specific reason before everyone loses their mind."
"Can you imagine asking for a one-year one-way open relationship?"
"Make her sit at home knowing you're free to go do as you please?"
"I doubt it, because you can't imagine being who she is right now."
'Consider that before you proceed with marriage."
"Something big has to change or be done."
"Good luck." ~ Odd_Welcome7940
"You don't move past it."
"She cheated."
"She agreed not to see anyone."
"She quickly and deliberately violated the agreement of exclusivity. Cheating."
"She wasn't even going to tell you until her sister (who is a real one and did you a major solid) threatened to expose her."
"Leave her and find someone who isn't a lying hypocrite."
"She lied and betrayed once."
"She'll do it again."
"Don't let it happen after you've entitled her to half your sh*t." ~ ExismykindaParte
"NAH, full stop on the wedding, I know I wouldn't be able to trust a partner again after that."
"What happens when the marriage goes through a rough patch?"
"Is she going to ask for another break to get plowed like snow to 'recalibrate her life' again?" ~ Inside-Wonder6310
"She knew exactly who she was going to sleep with when she proposed taking a break."
"The reason for her taking a break was dabbling in other waters before fully committing." ~ WarlockFortunate
OP, this is such an emotional situation.
Reddit understands your pain.
You have to put yourself first.
Having questions is natural.
Stay strong.
