You can learn a lot about a person and what kind of friend or partner they'll be based on their priorities.
Unfortunately, people sometimes have terrible timing when it comes to showing their true colors, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor rabbitsrulz was excited to get married and had made plans for their family and childhood best friends to be at their celebration.
But when their long-time best friends wanted them to move the date of their wedding, because they wanted to extend the length of their vacation, the Original Poster (OP) realized what their real priorities were.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by not inviting my oldest friends to my wedding because the date I chose isn't the date they wanted?"
The OP was excited to share their wedding day with their closest loved ones.
"I got engaged in August and just secured my wedding venue!"
"It’ll be held in the city where my partner and I live, so many of our family and childhood friends will have to travel."
"We picked the same day we got engaged as our wedding date. It holds significant meaning, and my partner's sister can only travel back to the States during late August/early September as she studies abroad."
The OP's best friends had the audacity of expecting them to move the date to make it more convenient for them.
"Instead of celebrating securing the date, my two oldest friends have now expressed a dislike since they wanted the date in October."
"I never told them October was ever in the picture, it does not have any significance to my partner and I, and they know that would mean my partner's sister cannot make it if it’s in October."
"Having it in October also means the venue's price is higher, as it is a desirable month for weddings (We’re getting a discount for having it on a Friday night in August)."
The OP's friends were souring the wedding planning experience for them.
"This has upset me and really turned me off to having a wedding now."
"They even got another friend to try and convince me to change it to October just so they can have a longer vacation."
Here's a screenshot of part of the conversation with that third friend, who said:
"Now's the chance to look into October lol"
"[I don't know] if you got my postcard but everyone wants you to move it lol"
"They're all like please tell [OP] to move it to the fall"
u/rabbitsrulz/Reddit
The OP was becoming increasingly frustrated about the experience.
"Am I being a bridezilla in being mad and offended that they want me to change the date?"
"They are just three people out of 100 who are complaining about the date. Would it be an overreaction to not invite them?"
"My sister says they shouldn’t be invited since their priority is their vacation to a new city over my wedding. But I’m sure her opinion is biased because she wants me to be happy."
"I honestly would feel a lot better not having them there, but is it only because I am being petty?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some saw this as a simple issue and encouraged the friends to just RSVP "No" since they had other plans.
"I'd just say this is when my wedding is, if you don't want to come, then indicate so on the RSVP."
"If these old friendships are generally good and this is an uncommon occurrence, then I wouldn't throw it away." - SizzleDebizzle
"NOR. Don't move the date, and still invite them. There's always a chance people can't come, especially when traveling is involved." - 2m2coyt
"It’s not like your only choices are to change the date or not invite them. You can keep your date, since it’s your wedding, you get to decide, and invite them. If they don’t come, that’s on them." - More_Programmer5053
"It’s YOUR day. If they can make it cool, and if not, cool. That's the whole point of an RSVP. There's no section on an RSVP to suggest alternative dates, times, or locations." - BeachSlapped88
"Invite them. It’ll be on them if they don’t show up. If you don’t invite them just cuz they expressed their opinion, then you look like the AH." - Ok_You_1582
"Just reply with 'not moving the date lol,' followed by, 'if you can’t make it, oh well lol.' Give back that same energy." - this1chick
"Everyone? Then 'everyone' should pay you for any additional costs you incur for moving the date. This is SO outta pocket of them." - leftclicksq2
"NOR. Just say, 'I’m sorry our wedding date won’t work with your schedule. I was looking forward to celebrating with you. If you’re unable to make it, I understand. You will be missed.'" - yourdelusionalsunset
"YOR if you refuse to invite them; that will almost certainly be the end of the friendship."
"Yeah, it's annoying that they're being weird about the date, but it's not their wedding. Invite them, let them choose whether or not they accept the invitation, and move on with planning your wedding."
"Don't make this a bigger deal than it needs to be." - cowboythesis
"I can’t imagine telling a friend to change their wedding date for me. Wild behavior. Definitely NOR." - AdBeginning8506
Others urged the OP to focus on the joy of the wedding and let these people make their choices.
"Are you actually seriously stressing out about this? It's not their wedding. They have nothing to do with the wedding."
"This is literally your wedding, you guys pay for it, your day."
"To say that you don't even wanna have a wedding anymore because of what these people in your life are saying is wild. Tell them if they want to change it so bad, then either pay for it or don't even come at all." - Notaneggplant
"I’m sorry, but your friends are crap. Of course they don’t get to decide your wedding date?! I mean, come on. They can decide their own and get married in October themselves. You need better friends, love. NOR." - Candid-Access-9874
"I think your friends are being pushy and petty, but just remember, especially if they are traveling a long distance and at cost, they will try and make it a vacation. Otherwise, for many, travel destination weddings aren’t worth it."
"So yes, be the better person and invite them for an August wedding. They can then decide if they can accommodate, and if not, then I wouldn’t hold it against them, but I would hold the fact they are being rude against them." - Background-Egg-5702
"Being mad about them asking is just giving yourself stress. Regardless of their reasoning, they have absolutely no say in when you hold your wedding."
"I would try to stop having the conversation and invite them. If they attend, they attend. If not, that's their issue." - angry_old_dude
"YOR. Invite them. If they can't make it, they can't make it. You can always do a separate mini-celebration when they visit."
"That said, this: 'This has upset me and really turned me off to having a wedding now' is unhinged. If the joy of your wedding rests on two friends who are struggling with the dates, you might not be ready for marriage?"
"Hopefully it's just hyperbole. Please be happy instead." - Blerg_McGlerg
"Could it be that they feel comfortable acting so pushy because you've always been the kind of person who will often put their own wishes on the back burner to keep the peace? Just the fact that this is causing you stress is a big hint."
"If you only pick ONE DAY to be 'selfish' (and by the way, it's not selfish!!!!!), your wedding day is that day."
"Stop engaging with these messages, send everyone their invite, and leave it up to them whether they attend or not."
"Yes, it would be an overreaction to refuse to invite longtime friends. But you are not a bridezilla for choosing the date that works for you and refusing to discuss it further."
"They're probably just used to being able to push you into changing your mind."
"Now, if you don't really even LIKE these people, by all means, use this as an excuse to cut them off. If you don't invite them, they definitely won't be your friends anymore."
"This is not worthy of the emphasis you're giving it."
"Your wedding, your choice. The end!" - No-Ad-5996
The subReddit understood that the OP was becoming increasingly frustrated with this experience, but they hoped that it would not turn them off to wanting to get married entirely. A few friends wanting them to move the date weren't worth the OP's peace.
The best thing the OP could do was move forward with the date and time they and their partner wanted, and if the friends really couldn't make it work, then they wouldn't attend. The OP would be able to say that they did their part of maintaining the friendship, while their oldest friends showed off their true priorities.
