Bachelor and bachelorette parties receive mixed reactions and for good reasons.
While some people are going out to celebrate their upcoming wedding days, others use the opportunity to do everything they think they'll be trapped out of doing once they're married, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Foreign_Slice8964 was enjoying a quiet bachelorette party when countless posts appeared on social media of her future husband's much wilder bachelor party.
But when his behavior became increasingly lewd and unfaithful, the Original Poster (OP) decided enough was enough.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for breaking off my wedding because of my fiancé's bachelor party?"
The OP's future husband behaved questionably at his bachelor party.
"My fiancé and I have been together for two years."
"It was our wedding eve and I was having my bachelorette party and he was having his bachelor party."
"My bachelorette party was just a little thing with some of my girlfriends and family at my home with drinks that the family put together for me."
"On the other hand, my fiancé's bachelor party was at a bar with a huge party (which is perfectly fine with me)."
"Halfway into my party, my friend ran up to me with a video of my fiancé getting a lap dance from one of the girls there. Then she showed the next video (these were on Snapchat stories), and that video showed my fiancé licking a mixed drink off of a girl's breast. Then there was another video of him making out with a girl and then another girl right after her."
"I was upset and confronted my fiancé about it when he got home the day of our wedding."
"He got all defensive and said, 'It's what guys do on their bachelor party nights. It's the last night we have to be single, babe.'"
"He was hungover and I was furious because I understand, but you don't just go making out with girls and licking drinks off their breasts."
What the OP witnessed next was the final straw.
"I just decided to try to forget it and go on with the wedding, but when he was in the shower, his phone kept going off."
"We have a rule where we don't go through each other's phones unless there's a reason and we have to let the other person know if we are going through them."
"I wasn't going to touch it but it kept going off with people sending him photos on his phone from the night before, so I decided to look at the videos to see if I missed anything."
"His phone was full of photos of my fiancé in bed with TWO girls with NO clothes."
"I turned his phone off, went in the bathroom, and I told him the wedding was off and that I needed time to process what happened."
"He asked why and I said, 'Look at your phone and see.'"
"He then changed the whole subject and went insane over the searching phones rule."
"I told him boyfriends don't f**k other girls just because it's their last night as not a husband."
"He cussed me out and then begged for me to keep the wedding on."
"I walked out and said no."
The family lashed out at the OP for canceling the wedding.
"It's been two days now, and his family is upset with me because I called off the wedding too close to the wedding and ruined their son's day."
"Everyone who was at my bachelorette party is on my side, saying it's his fault and he needs to realize he's in the wrong."
"Should I talk to him about it and reschedule the wedding? I do love him, but I'm not sure if this was a red flag that can lead into the future with him."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some confirmed for the OP that this totally qualified as cheating.
"You know what I didn't do at my bachelor party? Cheat on my wife. I wasn't even around women; a bunch of my friends and I just got drunk at a bowling alley and it was a blast."
"This type of behavior isn't something that just happens once. He's done it before and he'll do it again." - McbEatsAirplane
"NTA, he CHEATED on you under the excuse that 'It's just what guys do' at their bachelor parties (which, it's not if they have any respect for you) and is lovebombing you and gaslighting you into staying."
"If you marry this man, he will 100% cheat on you again, and again it won't be his fault but the fault of the situation (ex. You didn't pay attention to him when he needed it, he had a stressful day at work, he was drunk, etc.)."
"He will continue to do this until you eventually leave him or make yourself settle for him. This will not be a happy and healthy relationship for you and will only benefit him in the end, so get out while you can." - PenWeary
"I've had two bachelor parties. I never slept with or even kissed anyone else, although the first one did include a trip to a strip club, with full knowledge and permission from my fiancee and agreed upon things that were okay vs not okay to do there. I've also been to a bunch of other people's bachelor parties and none of them have slept with anyone else either."
"Cheating on their soon-to-be wives isn't something 'guys do,' it's something the stereotypical toxic bro character does in movies. There's a reason for that. If he thinks it's okay to cheat on you the night before your wedding it is definitely not going to be the last time he cheats on you." - Chaos-1313
"NTA. '...It's the last night we have to be single...' so, according to him, you guys haven't been in a relationship this entire time?"
"Hopefully, you can get some refunds on short notice. It really sucks this happened, but it's best you find out now." - LTColeShinySides
"LOL (laughing out loud)... Should you go through with the wedding? Do you... want to sign up for a lifetime of being disrespected and cheated on?"
"Sure, go ahead with the wedding. A guy who would cheat on you before the wedding isn't going to stop because you have a party. It wasn't his 'last night' to be with someone else. His last night to be with someone else was when he committed to you, the wedding is irrelevant." - ResurrectionScary
Others agreed and urged the OP to move on... and to get tested.
"Get tested for STDs. A guy like this did not just cheat on you on his bachelor party night." - MaryAnne0601
"NTA. Why the heck would anyone marry someone who just cheated on them multiple times in one night? It's not a last night to be single, that's absurd. He was never single."
"I think you've dodged a gigantic bullet here and I'd also go get an STD check." - Outside-Ad-1677
"Him getting a lapdance and going to a strip club ALONE would be enough for me to call off the wedding. Much less him being sexually involved with other people."
"He CHEATED on you. Even before you saw him with two naked girls, it was cheating. I'm glad you decided to take out the trash by kicking him out of your life. Please get tested!"
"Also, the 'it's my last night being single' mindset is toxic and disgusting as f**k, to be honest. If you're about to get married, there is nothing single about you." - livingstone97
"At first, I was like, oh whatever, he licked drinks (I'd be p**sed but could work through it), but then it just got progressively worse and his response was insane as he was gaslighting you for breaking the phone rules when he literally cheated on you…"
"I don't understand why guys say 'it's my last night being single' when b***h, you weren't single ever since you started dating me, so men who do that before marriage are VERY LIKELY to do it during marriage. You just dodged a bullet there."
"His family and friends have no reason to be upset with you if they know the truth. If they don't, I think it's fair to tell everyone and anyone to shame him because cheaters don't deserve to get away with it."
"Def tell him to pack up as your planning to do and kick his a** out, you deserve so much better girl and I know you're going to get that one day soon! Get tested, so there aren't any surprises to ruin your new, happy life." - Capital_Team_3352
"Just one data point: I, as a guy, had a bachelor 'party,' and it was absolutely nothing like that... no infidelity or anything even remotely close to it."
"Holy S**t about him in bed with two other women! I would ay he's the a**hole based on your story."
"I would not allow him to have the high road with his family if they are giving you s**t. Tell them what you found on the phone." - Chulbiski
"NTA. It's not his last night of being single if he's been in a two-year relationship and is ENGAGED. He is the epitome of NOT SINGLE."
"HE CHEATED. I would get an STD test. You've no idea how far he went."
"Love to see that you're canceling the wedding and kicking him out." - 1ofdwights70cousins
After receiving feedback, the OP stood up for herself.
"I've thought about it and read the comments, and I'm going to have a talk with him to move his things out of the house. I am the one who bought the house and pays the bills on it."
"I don't want him in my life and the comments made me realize it was a huge mistake to even think of putting the wedding back on."
"Thank you for your advice."
The subReddit was disgusted on the OP's behalf for how her ex-boyfriend had treated her and how little he valued their relationship.
It was clear that he thought very little of faithfulness in their relationship, and it was best for the OP to walk away and start fresh before she had to file divorce paperwork.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.