in , , , ,

Guy Balks When Pregnant SIL Demands He Cook Her Meals After Mocking Him Cooking For Wife

A man stirring in a pot over the stove.
Photographer, Basak Gurbuz Derman/Getty Images

Helping other people can often make us feel better ourselves.

With this in mind, many people jump at the chance to offer assistance to others.

People are generally less inclined to come to the aid of friends and family members, however, when help is expected of them.

Particularly when these people might not actually need any major assistance of any kind.

When the wife of Redditor PrestigiousStudio475 was pregnant with their first child, he went out of his way to make sure she was comfortable.

Particularly in one area which was the original poster (OP)’s specialty.

When the OP’s sister-in-law (SIL) became pregnant with her first child, she expected the exact same special treatment from the OP.

A request the OP flatly refused.

After being scolded by his SIL, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for refusing to cook for my wife’s pregnant sister and telling her she has a husband who could do it.”

The OP explained why he was in no way willing to offer the same services he provided for his pregnant wife to his pregnant SIL:

“I’ve (31 M[ale]) been married to my wife Sage (30 F[emale]) for 6 years and we have two kids together.”

“I’m a chef and I love to cook but generally we take turns cooking so neither gets burned out or feels like it’s a chore (this is especially helpful when we host others because allergies are big in both our families).”

“When she was pregnant, though, I cooked for her all the time because pregnancy was not easy for Sage and I wanted her to be able to relax and enjoy food instead of being too tired and sick to eat, which is how she was in the very early stages of her first pregnancy.”

“Everyone knew about it but Sage’s sister Gwen (34 F) brought it up an excessive amount and said she couldn’t believe Sage was getting waited on during her pregnancy and that ‘a dude would do that for his wife’.”

“It was a touch annoying how much she brought it up.”

“Now Gwen is pregnant with her first child and she called up out of the blue after her pregnancy announcement to say I should cook and send meals over for her like I did for Sage.”

“At first I thought she was trying, and failing, to be funny, but nope, she was as serious as a heart attack.”

“I told her I wasn’t cooking for her and brought up how random and inappropriate it was to ask like that.”

“She told me we’re family and she’s pregnant and I should want her to rest as much as I had wanted Sage resting during both of her pregnancies.”

“I told her Sage is my wife, so it’s different and I told her she has a husband to cook for her if that’s what she wants.”

“She told me her husband would never and I should try being a good BIL.”

“I told her brother-in-law (BIL) doesn’t equal spouse.”

“Gwen tried to talk Sage into convincing me but the two of them were never close so Sage just rolled her eyes and told her where to go.”

“Even she couldn’t believe Gwen is for real.”

“Gwen’s reaction to being told no by both of us was to run to her parents and tell them I refused to help her out and she told them she was struggling and had just wanted help.”

“They asked why I couldn’t do it occasionally since Gwen’s husband is too much of an a** to do it.”

“I told them it was a lot to ask and we weren’t that close to Gwen.”

“When Gwen realized her parents hadn’t convinced me or convinced Sage to convince me, she called back up and said I was an @ss for not helping my family and for rubbing her husband’s lack of consideration for her in her face.”

“I’m starting to feel like this will become such a huge deal and now I’m doubting myself.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to cook for Gwen.

Everyone agreed that Gwen was being completely unreasonable in demanding that the OP cook for her, not only because the OP was right in pointing out that it wasn’t the job of a BIL to do so, but particularly after she insulted the OP for cooking for Sage during her pregnancy.


“Why would she procreate with her do-nothing husband?”

“You don’t just get to tag in a brother-in-law because a husband is useless.”

“What else would you be expected to do double duty for?”

“Will you be responsible for diaper changes and child care, too, when the baby comes?”

“Or child support, like that crazy lady with triplets?”- cassowary32

“NTA- wtf??”

“When I saw the header, I thought maybe your SIL was visiting, and you’d refused to cook for her for some random reason.”

“But no.”

“She’s just mad.”

“She put you down for cooking for your pregnant wife, and now she’s trying to emotionally blackmail you into doing it for her?”


“If I were you I would send her a recipe book.”

“Or would cook an elaborate meal and send her pictures.”- ShallWeStartThen

“What the f***k this is beyond ridiculous.”

“Also, if her husband is ‘too much of an a**’ to take care of her wife, why did she decide to have children with him?”

“Also, sounds like she isn’t even ill, she just wants you to treat her like you treated her sister.”

“This is so ridiculous that it doesn’t make sense.”

“She is out of her mind.”

“She is the AH.”

“You are not.”- Simple-Plankton4436

“Abso-f*cking-lutely not.”

“Do not do it.”

“Let her lazy a** husband do it – and if your in-laws want to complain, suggest they do it.”

“I guarantee there will be excuses!”


“But YWBTA to yourself if you cave in.”

“Just laugh hysterically at Gwen every time she brings it up.”

“‘Oh, I thought you were joking, since I have already told you no’.”- NotNobody_Somebody


“Every day, I come on this sub, and every day I go, ‘There are people like this?'”- BackhandSlapper


“But she’s a major ah and is acting extremely entitled.”

“It would be one thing if she asked nicely for you to make her a meal every once in a while or to eat over by you occasionally, but demanding you make her meals on the regular is ridiculous.”

“If she can’t understand why you would treat your wife who was carrying your child different than her, you can point out that your wife was never so rude and demanding.”

“But in all honesty I would just ignore it from now on and let your wife handle her sister – if she even cares enough to.”

“You’re already have no relationship; you don’t need to engage in her drama.”- Comprehensive-Bad219

“Lol, NTA.”

“You’re married to Sage, not Gwen, and if Gwen can’t cook because of her pregnancy, it’s time for Gwen’s husband to figure out life.”- love-boobs-in-dm


“She’s mad at YOU for not cooking for her while her hubs simply refuse to?”

“Sounds like she married the wrong one and wants to take it out on someone else.”- neophenx


“Gwen is upset that she married someone she knows is not a good partner.”

“Rather than own up to that mistake, she’d rather browbeat you so she can get waited on.”

“Be blunt at this point, tell her it’s not on you to do what a spouse should, it’s not on you to make up for issues in her marriage.”- Hoplite68


“Repeat after me: it’s not your responsibility to compensate for her husband’s lack of consideration.”

“If he is such an a**, there is a very easy solution for that.”

“It’s really unfair to expect you to pick up his slack.”- Bo_O58


“She shouldn’t have married, and have a child with, an a**.”- asianingermany

“You cooked for your wife a lot when she was pregnant, sounds good.”

“The audacity here.”

“If her husband isn’t going to cook for her, she can order in.”


“The a**hole are your SIL and the parents trying to strong-arm you into sending meals over.”-TheGingerCynic


“The tone you’re conveying says a lot here.”

“If she had asked, nicely, for you to cook a few meals for her and maybe offered you something nice in return, then yeah, sure, maybe something you’d be nice to consider.”

“But telling you you should be doing it like it’s something owed to her?”

“And then dragging the rest of the family into it when you said no?”

“You had every right to say no.”- Larkus_Says

It would be extremely generous for the OP to cook even one dinner for Gwen, let alone every day.

But under no circumstances should a BIL be obligated to cook for their SIL every night.

The only thing that makes Gwen’s expectation even more shocking is the fact that she actually belittles the OP for cooking for Sage during her pregnancy.

Showing what an unfortunate combination of jealousy and delusion will make.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.