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Woman Tells Husband To Move Out If He Wants Custody Of His ‘Affair Child’ While Mom Is In Jail

Man carrying moving boxes
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Everyone has deal breakers that they can’t look beyond in a relationship, and it’s up to their loved ones to respect their boundaries.

If a life partner decides to cross one of those boundaries, it’s reasonable enough to expect that the relationship may end, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor Icy-Frame-666 found out about her husband’s affair when he was sued for child support for a child who resulted from that affair.

When she realized she wasn’t going to be able to keep her life separate from the child her husband wanted to stay in contact with, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure she could stay married anymore.

She asked the sub:

“AITAH For telling my husband that his affair child is not welcome in our home and if he wants custody he will have to move out?”

The OP found out her husband had an affair through very unusual circumstances.

“My husband and I have been married for nine years. In 2021, we found out my husband was being sued for child support.”

“It turns out my husband had an affair shortly after we were married.”

“It nearly ended our marriage, but we went to counseling together and I agreed to stay in the marriage with the following provisions:”

“My husband was to get a second job so that his child support payments did not affect our household budget and that at no point in time would I ever consider having a relationship with this child.”

“If he wanted to pursue one with them, fine. But I have absolutely zero interest in this kid.”

The OP stood firm on her boundaries for the relationship.

“So my husband has been getting to know his kid over the past couple of years and recently my husband came to me and informed me that there was some sort of baby mamma drama.”

“Apparently, she has to self-surrender in May and is going to be incarcerated for eight months.”

“My husband told me that he needed to take custody while his affair partner was locked up, otherwise the kid would have to go to their grandparents, who basically live on the opposite coast from us.”

“Their kid doesn’t want to have to change schools or be so far away from their friends, dad, and mom (she will be doing her time fairly local to us).”

The couple was at extreme odds.

“So, after my husband told me that, I got up and left the house. I went to the grocery store on the corner and grabbed a copy of our area’s apartment guide, went back home, and handed it to him.”

“He asked if I were serious.”

“I told him I still felt the same way as I did three years ago.”

“He said he didn’t think that was fair considering the extenuating circumstances.”

“I told him I didn’t care about the circumstances. His kid is not welcome in my home. If he wanted to take custody, I would grant him an amicable divorce, but I am not changing my mind.”

“I am not taking care of some other chick’s kid.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some were shocked this marriage was still going.

“This marriage should have ended years ago.” – Major-Distance4270

“The child will always be there. Seems like you should cut your losses and move on from this relationship. Sad but you will probably but happier in the long run.” – ms-eleventy

“Why are you still with him?”

“In no way do I think it’s your responsibility to raise this child. But it is his responsibility. And this poor kid didn’t ask for any of it.”

“The whole situation would be happier and healthier if y’all just split up.” – Effective-Help4293

“If she’s not okay with him having a kid, well. He has a kid. That part isn’t going to change, and the child still needs care.”

“Just divorce him already. The idea that she WON’T divorce him so long as he doesn’t have anything to do with his kid/leaves the child for foster care or whatever is the bit that makes this nauseating to me.”

“Like. Would that really make OP happy? To know that a kid is suffering? Just divorce him.” – ThatInAHat

“She told him from day one that she did not want anything to do with someone another woman’s child, and he could have a relationship if he wanted.”

“I would have kicked his a** out, but she didn’t, so those were her rules, and all was fine until the child’s mother got sent to prison for eight months and he wanted to bring the child into their home for eight months, after her telling him from day one, she wanted NOTHING to do with the child.”

“So she went out and got him an apartment guide so he could find a place for him and the child to live for eight months, simple as that, though a divorce feels to me like it would be simpler.” – Rosiedays456

“It’s fine for OP to not want to have a relationship with the kid. But it’s also unrealistic to think that the relationship with the parent will survive, now that the parent is custodial.”

“The life of custodial parents is just so intertwined with that of their kids, it’s really hard to see how the OP maintains any kind of viable relationship with her husband now that he’s got custody.”

“By definition, the husband has to spend almost every night with the kid. Be there for almost all breakfasts and dinners. I mean, the most that the husband can realistically do with OP are times when the kid is either with a babysitter, at some activity, or going to school.”

“Once the husband is custodial, OP and husband will no longer be living together.”

“It’s to the point where OP would be an a**hole to herself if she does not divorce.” – Boeing367-80

Others totally sided with the OP but also felt the child carried no blame in this.

“It’s not her fault he’s a cheating b**tard, but it’s also not the poor child’s fault both her parents are b**tards. She needs her father.” – court_milpool

“This poor kid. I hope Dad steps up and is there for them. OP, this isn’t what you wanted for your life and relationship and that’s 100% fair.”

“You and your husband are on different paths. This is his responsibility, and I think it’s reasonable you asked him to move out and take care of his responsibilities alone.”

“I don’t think your marriage is going to work out, but that also isn’t your fault.” – Kazbaha

“I’m not going to call you an a**hole, as someone who’s been in a similar-ish situation (though with considerably more ambiguity and a very different outcome), but I do think that if you want nothing to do with this child, then you really should consider divorce.”

“A child is permanent, and if their existence and interaction with your husband makes you uncomfortable, it would be best for you and for the child to leave. You can find a man who won’t cheat on you, too. We exist.” – MarsupialExtreme6321

“She has a right to her boundaries and staying strong… you go, girl! But the poor kid doesn’t deserve the animosity or anger for something he didn’t choose.”

“Although I understand OP’s desire to reconcile her marriage, it paints OP in a poor light that she would stay with her husband and purposely make him choose to have a strained, detached relationship instead of just divorcing him, which would allow him to be more present in the innocent child’s life.”

“Although she didn’t do anything ‘wrong’ and technically isn’t the AH the innocent kid got the worst of it. I totally respect her boundaries and can understand the pain she went through but walking away would have been best. When kids are in the picture we have to be the adults and prioritize them. Even with it not being her kid, in my opinion, she should have walked away then.” – Say-More

“No judgment, but this is the result of you staying with him after the affair. There’s no way a child existing can’t complicate your life. Kids aren’t a side hobby. Period.”

“The fact that the therapist allowed the fairy tale notion to exist is wild. Divorce is the best option for everyone including your husband, but especially you.”

“But the child’s best interest needs to be prioritized also. People complain that people say break up to everything but they fail to realize that this kind of stuff is toxic.” – Newdaytoday1215

After receiving feedback, the OP clarified a few points.

“For all the people concerned about what a whip cracker I am in making my poor husband work two jobs… He has never had a full-time job since we have been together. He works two part-time retail jobs now that add up to 40 to 50 hours a week.”

“He currently only has supervised visitation with his kid. They see each other once or twice a month for a couple of hours with a social worker present.”

“And for those who seem to think that I need to be the one to file for divorce. No. I will not. I am not the one who created this situation. If my husband wants to pursue custody, I have told him I will not fight it. I will grant him an amicable divorce and let him be on his way.”

“However, I am not going to waste my own time, energy, and money to do so! He is responsible for getting his own ducks in a row for the situation he created. That includes being the one to go through the headache of filing.”

While the subReddit felt terrible for the child, who had nothing to do with any of this, boundaries were still boundaries, and they respected how clear the OP had made hers.

After all, if the OP’s husband didn’t want things to get so complicated, he could have skipped having an affair to begin with.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.