Driving is a privilege.
It is also a huge responsibility.
Driving can be dangerous; cars are weapons.
So, making sure everyone behind the wheel and in the car can save lives.
Redditor Odd-Willingness-6250 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for telling my husband he can’t drive the baby places anymore?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My husband and I are new parents, and it’s been stressful for both of us, both physically and mentally, and I need to know if I’m overreacting or not."
"I get really bad motion sickness in cars, and since giving birth, it’s gotten worse to the point that I can’t even be in a moving car longer than 5 minutes."
"For this reason, my husband has taken our child to their last three doctor’s appointments alone."
"Each time when he returned home I have realized that he forgot to strap the baby into the car seat."
"Now my husband is an extremely forgetful person and has been as long as I’ve known him."
"A big part of our relationship has been us working through his memory problems."
"The first time it happened, I nervously laughed it off as a lapse in memory that both of us understood could never be repeated."
"The second time, I freaked out and told him that this was not something that is acceptable to forget."
"The most recent time was this morning, we got into a huge fight about it, and I told him in not-so-nice terms that I do not want him driving alone with the baby anymore."
"My husband thinks this is an over reaction because we both know how bad his memory is and the pediatrician is close by and nothing bad happened on the drives but its like he’s trying to justify gambling our baby’s life based on the fact nothing bad has happened yet… he has buckled the baby in the one other time he’s taken the baby out on his own, but I won’t be comfortable with him driving the baby around til he’s bucking them in 100% of the time."
"He wants us to sit down and brainstorm what we can do to help him remember like we would normally do, and while I agree we can put a plan into place to help him remember in the future until that plan is in place and I know is working I’m not taking any chances so I’ve asked my mother to take my child to their next doctor’s appointment."
"My husband does not like that I’ve gotten my mother involved and says I’m trying to embarrass him, I’ve tried explaining that I didn’t tell my mom why she had to take the baby to the next appointment and also it’s only until my motion sickness is more manageable and I can drive again but he’s really upset that I’ve taken what he sees as drastic action by getting my mom involved at any capacity as well as banning him from driving alone with the baby."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Well, Reddit, AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole
"OMG. Your husband is not fit to drive the child or look after the child."
"If he can’t 'remember' the most basic step of transporting a baby, how will he remember how and when to feed them, or burp them, or change them, or lie them on their back to sleep, or give them medication if needed, or any of the other most basic tasks of caregiving."
"He may leave the baby behind altogether."
"He may leave the baby in an overheated car while he’s running errands."
"You are NTA and not overreacting."
"I don’t understand how your husband is functioning with this level of incompetence."
"Is it willful incompetence?"
"Is it truly deep neurological issues?"
"Both need firm and committed actions with different solutions."
"Absolutely, you need your mother involved to help if she can, but also this man needs to own his incompetence and fix his problem, or he is unfit to parent."
"It’s harsh, but you can’t protect his ego over your baby’s life." ~ TresWhat
"NTA and what do you MEAN he wants to 'brainstorm' with you to see what you can do to make HIM remember?"
"This is beyond forgetfulness."
"This is just not giving a f*ck about the safety of your baby."
"This is an INFANT."
"A hard shake is enough to harm them at this point."
"If someone rear-ended him, or he tapped a pole in the parking lot, at this point, it would be enough to seriously harm your child."
"I wouldn’t let him drive that baby ANYWHERE."
"And I want to say: I also get car sick, but never when I’m driving."
"It would be worth taking non-drowsy Dramamine or asking your OB for medication to treat your nausea to avoid relying on him again."
"This is horrifying."
"I’m very much with you, OP, and I would NOT accept that you need to somehow be involved to help him remember. He puts the baby in the seat! It’s ONE more step, it’s impossible to imagine how you can 'help' him remember when it’s right in front of him." ~ mrswilburforce
"You've said you've spent your entire relationship 'working through these memory problems, ' which begs the question, has he been to a doctor?"
"Has he had a full assessment for issues that could be causing it?"
"Can he remember enough to hold down a job?"
"Does his memory work fine when it's things that he cares about?"
"My son has a disability from brain damage incurred in utero, and he has documented memory problems."
"It's not 'forgetfulness', it's quite literally damage to the part of the brain that holds memory."
"He seems very typical on the outside, but might never be able to live on his own."
"What's more concerning about your husband's 'forgetting' is that he doesn't seem especially remorseful."
"I'm also concerned that he's made you his external brain, without you knowing that's what you are, and then bringing a baby into it that you believed he could care for on his own."
"He thinks that YOU are overreacting because he broke the law and could have killed your baby."
"Because every single time he doesn't buckle the baby in, he IS breaking the law. If he can't remember to buckle the baby in, how is he going to remember not to leave the baby in the bath?"
"To not leave the baby on the changing table? To not leave the baby on the bed?"
You're NTA. But you have a very serious problem that needs help, immediately. This is not something you can fix alone. He NEEDS a doctor. And so do you, for your motion sickness.
"There are options involving medications and possible vestibular rehab." ~ MissKQueenofCurves
"NTA. How in the world can someone forget to STRAP a baby in when he's LITERALLY putting them in their car seat?" ~ icantouchgrass_1
"NTA. It's completely inexcusable to forget this kind of stuff."
"Either his memory is so bad that he shouldn't even be allowed on the road, or he is just making excuses to cover his as*; either way, don't allow him to drive that child anywhere." ~ goldietheswagbear
"NTA. The fact that he doesn't see this as non-negotiable is TERRIFYING."
"Like, I'm worried he has something wrong with his brain that needs medical attention, levels of scary."
"That's so far outside the realms of acceptable."
"Also, are you getting medical attention for the motion sickness?"
"I've never heard of that happening before, but childbirth is crazy and causes all sorts of things."
"I hope you have a good team that is looking after you."
"This isn't something you should have to just deal with."
"Edit six months ago, you posted about how he wasn't putting the work in to build the habit of checking the back seat every time he got out of the car, so you could be sure neither of you would accidentally forget the baby."
"It is unsafe for him to be alone with your child, not just in your car."
"You say if something isn't in his direct line of vision, he will forget about it."
"That's not someone who can mind a child." ~ Anxious_Reporter_601
"NTA- your husband has endangered his child's life and opened himself up to fines/tickets, and depending on where you live, CPS enquiries."
"A simple police stop could lead to extreme consequences." ~ clkinsyd
"NTA. My son is 18 now, and I remember the ONE time when he was a baby that I got home and saw I forgot to buckle his car seat."
"I was an absolute mess imagining what could have happened if I had gotten into an accident." ~ TwoSweetPeas
"NTA. This is beyond forgetfulness."
"Your husband is either a reckless, neglectful ahole, or he has some severe impairment that makes him unfit to care for the baby, and also unfit to be a driver on the road."
"He needs to figure it out. It is not your job to do that for him."
"Your job is to keep your baby safe."
"Don't let anyone make you feel guilty or dramatic for doing exactly that."
"You do, however, need to sort out your motion sickness so that you can fully meet your baby's needs." ~ Pink3lephfants
"Has your husband been to a doctor about the memory issues?"
"These issues are not normal and are putting himself and your child in danger."
"Please get him checked out!" ~ itsnotlookinggood
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your baby's safety comes first.
Also, your partner's safety is important.
You're making sure all will be well.
