Phone usage while on the job has been an issue ever since phones first entered the workplace in the late 1800s. Matters were made worse when almost everyone started carrying a cellphone with them everywhere.
Most businesses set expectations for employee phone usage, even back when landlines were the only option. Personal calls during working hours were heavily restricted.
With cellphones, most jobs require phones be visible and in use only during an employee's personal time, such as during breaks.
A woman dealing with a phone problem at work turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Mowgli1989 asked:
"AITAH for telling my boss that I don’t want to be surveilled by my coworkers girlfriend at work."
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Context: my boss is my brother (42, male). I (36, female) largely work from home, but I also work part time at my brother’s food truck."
"Recently he hired his friend, I’ll call him Jake. Jake spends his entire shift on FaceTime with his girlfriend. Initially it was annoying, but I just let it go because it’s not my problem and I only have one shift with this person per week."
"However, this weekend during our only shift together, Jake started defending himself to his girlfriend about where I was in relation to him inside of the truck. At one point he grabbed his phone to show her a 360 view of the like 14 foot truck so she could see that I was nowhere near him."
"Obviously this is super invasive and also just straight up weird. It was very clear to me that what started as a strange and unprofessional behavior had escalated into straight-up surveillance."
"I told my brother that I am no longer comfortable working with Jake if he is on his phone, to which I was told that it is my problem and I need to handle it myself. When I reminded him that it’s his business and he’s the boss, he got pretty upset and told me that if he (my brother) is not doing his job well enough, then I should just quit."
"I will say I absolutely think he’s bluffing on that—I have helped my brother build this business, and frankly he doesn’t want to do a lot of the jobs (paperwork mainly) that I do for him. That said, I have been considering leaving the job for a while."
"So guys, AITAH for saying I won’t work with this guy anymore?"
The OP later added:
"Oh yeah, sorry I didn’t say I am a woman. That said, he’s on the phone with our male co-workers as well. I just don’t think it’s quite as surveillancy for them."
"I’ve been trying to keep my opinions on the guy pretty neutral for the sake of this post, but both of them are frankly insane. They absolutely deserve each other."
"I get that we’re a family business so there is like some amount of leniency, but this is way too far. I occasionally answer my own phone when my daughter calls (his niece), but only if we have absolutely zero customers and only to say 'can’t talk right now, kid, say hi to brother' and hang up."
"And she is literally our own family member—my daughter, his niece. Jake is one hundred percent taking advantage of his friendship, and my brother is just being a doormat."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to set boundaries at her job (NTA).
"NTA. Being filmed at work is invasive and unacceptable. If Jake’s girlfriend is constantly jealous, he should quit."
"But you can also solve this. On your next shift with Jake, lay down the law."
"He’s there to work, not to coddle his partner’s feelings; and he has no right to live broadcast from your workplace. Tell him he’s going to do the shift alone if he starts filming." ~ Individual_You_6586
"Your brother told you it's your problem to solve, so tell him you will do it. Then institute a reasonable phone policy, in writing, when you work with Jake and make him sign it as a condition of his continued employment."
"Phones remain put away and can only be used during breaks. That's standard phone policy everywhere I've worked, that being on our phone wasn't a part of our job."
"Jake's also not allowed to film or show anyone else in his calls because that's a liability issue. Customers and coworkers didn't give him permission to share their likeness with anyone else."
"Neither Jake nor your brother can complain or override your solution because your brother told you to solve the problems Jake's excessive phone usage while he's being paid to work have caused. Jake’s options are to sign and follow the policy, quit, or get fired." ~ MohawMais
"NTA. Your brother is clearly not equipped to 'run' this business if he can’t make a clearly obvious decision about an employee’s unprofessional behavior. I suspect that much of the business’ success is due to you. Start looking for a different position where things are run professionally." ~ MidwestNormal
"NTA. Better to leave sooner rather than later, because the coworker's behavior is unacceptable. I'm assuming your coworker's girlfriend is jealous? Maybe he gave her reasons to not trust him. Either way, not your circus, not your monkeys."
"Her comment about wanting to know whether you were in physical proximity made me think she's jealous. It's probably not as surveillancy with men because she's not worried about them. Either way, she sounds horrible, and I wouldn't blame you for not wanting to work with this particular co-worker." ~ toxiclight
"Do people pay with credit cards? If I saw an employee on FaceTime while working, I wouldn’t feel comfortable paying by card when I may be being filmed or have some random person who gets to see my credit card and all its info."
"Not everyone announces when they’ll never be back when they notice this stuff. They just stop going there and tell their friends and family not to go there." ~ username__0000
"One of the things that was put out a few years ago by anti-crime social media accounts was 'watch for people with phones in their hands if they’re handling your credit/debit cards.' They could be taking pictures. So I’m not giving my card to him!"
"Also, I don’t want to go to a business where the person who is supposed to be taking my order is talking on the phone. It’s a food truck, so he could be cooking, but I don’t want to be on cell phone video when I order either."
"This is highly unprofessional behavior." ~ oldtimehawkey
"Your coworker shouldn't be on the phone at work. It's a pretty easy rule for your brother to enact, it doesn't even have to come back to you, just your brother saying he wants his employees to be concentrating on their job, not chatting on personal calls."
"Both those guys are spineless, your brother for not doing his job as a boss and protecting his employee (and sister!), and Jake for giving into his insecure, controlling girlfriend." ~ whatthewhat3214
"Is your brother dense? Who wants an employee who is on a videocall 24/7? NTA." ~ nordicskye
"He won’t learn until the crazy jealous girlfriend shows up there in person and makes a scene in front of customers and it winds up online. Hopefully OP will be long gone before then." ~ Disastrous-Bee-1557
"Tell him good luck finding somebody that’s willing to put up with that nonsense. It’s extremely unprofessional for him to be on FaceTime while he’s working even if he’s not engaging with the person on the phone."
"He’ll either back down and do what he needs to do, or you will need to find a new job, which it sounds like you’re on the precipice of wanting to do anyway." ~ smokinNcruisin
"NTA. Quit the job, you don't need all that. Your brother, on the other hand, needs to learn how to properly run a business on his own. Deep end time." ~ destro23
"NTA. He wants to be a big boss but doesn't want to do the actual responsibilities of being a boss? He's a wimp and his 'business' is probably going to crash and burn real quick. You don't want any part of that dumpster fire. Take what he owes you and leave." ~ OutragedPineapple
"NTA. Being filmed at work is invasive and unacceptable. If Jake’s girlfriend is constantly jealous, HE should quit."
"But you can also solve this. On your next shift with Jake, lay down the law. He’s there to work, not to coddle his partner’s feelings; and he has no right to live broadcast from your workplace. Tell him he’s going to do the shift alone if he starts filming and pay yourself for the full shift because your brother being a wimp isn't your problem." ~ Individual_You_6586
"NTA. I think it's time to look for another job as well. Don't tell your brother, just get yourself a better job and surprise him by leaving. He will try to sabotage you if he finds out you are looking for another job."
"And tell Jake that you do not appreciate being filmed and surveilled by his girlfriend. If he tries to film you, say loudly how it is weird, and you do not want to be filmed." ~ Quicksilver1964
OP should probably accelerate their job search if her brother is unwilling to be a boss in his own business.
