"Teamwork makes the dreamwork."
An age-old saying applicable even outside team or group situations.
Indeed, many people waste no time in coming to the aid of a friend or colleague who may be struggling or in over their head. That being said, people's willingness to lend a helping hand may depend on a number of factors.
The colleague of Redditor Original-Type7044 was recently assigned a project that she was less than confident about.
As a result, she turned to the original poster (OP) for assistance.
However, the OP was not at all interested in helping out this colleague, leaving her on the receiving end of some passive-aggressive behavior.
Having some doubts about her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for refusing to help my co-worker after she refused to help me when I was sick?"
The OP explained why she gave her colleague the cold shoulder:
"I (34 F[emale]) recently had a bad case of flu over a public holiday in my country."
"I lost my voice completely due to a severe sore throat and was in a lot of pain."
"I had planned to use the holiday to rest."
"On the first day of the holiday, my boss called me to say there was an urgent client task that needed to be done."
"He and my other supervisor were both out of town, so it was just my coworker and me (let’s call her Melinda, 34 F)."
"The task is normally a two-person job because of the workload involved."
"I texted Melinda to inform her, and she responded that I 'shouldn’t have answered the call' and basically wished me luck but did not offer any help."
"So I ended up doing the entire task alone while heavily medicated and unwell."
"The next day, we had to present and implement the work."
"My boss asked her to assist me because I was unable to speak properly."
"She refused, didn’t answer calls, and even said she was out of town, although her location suggested otherwise."
"She also said she couldn’t help because she hadn’t drafted the work, even though it was a joint responsibility."
"I ended up having to ask someone outside the company to assist."
"Now she has a project coming up on Wednesday."
"She has never done it before, and it’s her file, one I also don’t really know."
"She is now asking for my help."
"I told her I’m not in a position to assist as I have a lot of deadlines due (which is true), and I did explain the steps she needs to take to execute it."
"Despite that, she is now going around huffing and puffing and slamming doors because I haven’t helped her."
"What she really wants is for me to sit with her, go through the entire file, and figure it out with her as we go, which I simply don’t have the capacity to do."
"I also realize I don’t really feel bad about refusing this time."
"She has a pattern of subtly not being supportive, and I’ve always given her the benefit of the doubt or brushed it off."
"But being sick, in pain, and genuinely needing help, only to be dismissed like that, changed something for me. It made it very clear where I stand with her, and I don’t think I can keep extending the same level of support I used to."
"So… AITA for refusing to help her now after she refused to help me when I really needed it?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided over whether the OP was being petty for refusing to help Melinda.
Everyone agreed that what goes around comes around, especially since Melinda seemed to hope she would do most of her work for her, though others who didn't think Melinda did anything wrong by refusing to work while on holiday, and found their boss was truly the one at fault:
"NTA."
"Coworker is about to learn that if you want a village, you need to be a villager."- Whisperlee
"Well, she's not a team player, but you are kind of a martyr for doing that job on your time off."
"Did your bosses, whose responsibility it was to handle, make it up to you?"- Top-Bit85
"NTA, but your boss is."
"He should have completed the task, not you, and if that meant getting his ass back in town, so be it."- One-Employee9235
"More information needed- was your coworker on holiday when you asked for help?"
"Because if you asked for help while she was on holiday, it sounds like a massive failure of management if they aren’t willing to work on their holiday, why should you?"
"Why should your coworker?"
"Keeping grudges like this won’t help you in your career."
"Reddit loves 'karma' but this isn’t karma."
"This is you punishing your coworker for an issue management has."- electricookie
"I'm gonna say NAH."
"You are under no obligation to help her unless you're directed to by your boss."
"It doesn't really matter the reason."
"But also, if you were on holiday, were you contractually obligated to work during your time off?"
"If not, then she's not an asshole either for having boundaries around working during time off."
"It could also be ESH."
"You for expecting her to also not have boundaries around working during vacation and a slightly mentally petty attitude towards helping her now because of it, and her for her office tantrums."- winterharb0r
"ESH!"
"Your boss is horrible for expecting a sick employee to work 2 days when they weren't scheduled."
"Melinda is horrible for expecting you to do her work."
"Not so horrible for not coming in on scheduled days off."
"Unless it is your job to train her, she shouldn't expect this of you."
"You are horrible to yourself for going in sick on your day off, and expecting Melinda to do the same."
"You are horrible to Melinda, as she doesn't need to get sick because management forgot to distribute work."
"And you are holding it against her now."
"Why didn't you just tell the boss you are sick and cant go in?"
"Treat yourself better instead of blaming others for not letting themselves be taken advantage of."- fromhelley
"Why didn’t you just inform your managers that you were ill and expected to recuperate on your holiday and accordingly could not handle the work assigned?"
"They then would’ve reached out to your co-worker directly."
"They put you in an untenable position, creating a toxic situation with your co-worker while sparing them of all blame."-ConstantLeading7577
"Just to confirm, you chose to answer a work call when you were not paid to be working, chose to work while sick and while off the clock, and you’re mad because your colleague didn’t allow herself to be dragged into your boss's problems as you did?"
"I don’t think you need to help her because, as you said, you don’t have capacity, by YTA for taking on work during non-working hours, and then trying to force your colleague to give up her personal time to help you."
"You chose to work in your personal time."
"That’s 100% on you."
"You could have said no."
"You should never answer your work phone in your personal time, ever."
"So because you’re weak and have no healthy boundaries, your colleague is somehow obligated to put her very, very healthy boundaries aside just to help you with work, neither of you were obligated to do?"
"Again, YTA and you lack basic self-awareness."- No-Carob4909
"YTA."
"For letting your company get away with being understaffed."
"They keep on doing that BECAUSE people like you take on work during holidays, whilst sick and bedridden et cetera."- Individual_You_6586
"NTA Classic case of FAFO."- Celtykol
"What kind of insanity is sharing your location with your co worker?"
"I call BS on this entire submission."- notevenapro
"Nope!"
"Karma is tough."- thedarozine
"She was right tho."
"You shouldn't have answered that call."
"Especially since you were sick."
"You're NTA for not helping her since you've got your own sh*t, but she was not really ta just because you were a doormat and answered a work call on a holiday."- Exciting-Guest81933
It must have been super frustrating for the OP to tackle such a huge project all on her own.
However, perhaps Melinda did have a point that she "shouldn't have answered the call?
Perhaps this was an H/R issue?
Something that does seem to be clear, however, is that the OP and Melinda's boss expect far too much of them, and their workplace environment needs to change.
