Who doesn't feel flattered by receiving a love letter?
It's such a lovely expression of feelings.
Unless it's from a person who is going to destroy everyone's lives.
Some people may want to rethink authoring love letters.
Maybe get a therapist instead.
Redditor Decent-Owl-2955 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for wanting my stepdaughter banned from my house for entertaining my son in law's letter?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My husband and I each entered the marriage with one daughter."
"My daughter Holly is 34, and my stepdaughter Tessa is 29."
"We have been together since they were 15 and 10."
"The girls never had a close sister-like relationship, but they never had problems either."
"Holly is married with two children."
"Tessa is a single mother and has a daughter."
"Holly's husband Rick works pretty closely with Tessa, and recently our family imploded when Rick wrote Tessa a love letter."
"The gist of it is he thinks he has only stayed with Holly for these years to be close to Tessa."
"He thinks he always knew it, but he had a big realization when he was fighting with Holly, and Tessa laughed at them and choked on some water she was drinking, and it made him realize that Holly never laughs."
"He called her 'vibrant' and 'alive' and implied her daughter is happier than his children, because Tessa is just so wonderful and he wants to raise his kids around her 'light.'"
"Holly called me in tears."
"She knew they had been having problems, but she had never expected anything like that."
"Tessa called her dad pretty upset and swore nothing had ever happened between them (and I do believe her)."
"She said she just thought of him as a good friend, and they did spend significant time together based on work and their daughters being close."
"Then she said something that really pissed me off."
"She said what he did was inappropriate but 'who could blame him.'"
"I asked her to elaborate on what that meant, and my husband told me to leave Tessa alone."
"Holly kicked Rick out and filed for divorce, and she is absolutely reeling."
"She was a S[tay]-A[t]-H[ome] mother and has no idea what she is going to do long term."
"Recently, Tessa confessed to my husband that she knows what Rick did wasn't ok, but she kept the letter and reads it sometimes, because it is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to her."
"That infuriated me, and I told my husband that he is welcome to have any relationship he wants with Tessa outside of my house."
"I don't want to have to host her."
"I don't want Holly to have to see her at holidays."
"My husband says I am being unfair and Tessa 'can't help it' and I have no right to ban anyone from our marital home."
"I don't blame Tessa for what Rick did, but I blame her for her nonchalant attitude."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP WAS the A-hole.
"YTA. It doesn’t sound like Tessa encouraged the relationship, responded to the letter, or cheated."
"Maybe she does have a stronger than needed ego, but that seems to be her worst crime."
"If you ice her from the family, I think the only sensible thing to do would be for her dad to divorce you, which I hope he does."
"I understand you feel bad for Holly, and it would be nice for Tessa to have a bit more empathy, but if her only crime is being flattered, then you are way out of line." ~ Background-Egg-5702
'The wild thing here is OP seems more angry with Tessa than with her ex-son-in-law."
"The one who caused this whole mess."
"OP, you said that you don't blame her for what Rick did, but it seems like you are. You're just trying to justify it by saying it's because of her 'nonchalant attitude.'" ~ IceSeeker
"YTA. She didn’t do anything?"
"Blaming a woman for a man’s actions is wild." ~ boomzgoesthedynamite
"YTA. She didn’t do anything?"
"Blaming a woman for a man’s actions is wild." ~ boomzgoesthedynamite
"I agree."
"Maybe Tessa does think Holly sucks."
"Maybe Holly is awful."
"As such, maybe Tessa felt like she was validated in making that comment to her dad (maybe she and her dad both agree Holly sucks)—saying something off the cuff in a private conversation with a confidant is not the same as telling someone you know will be hurt by your comments."
"Dad is the A-hole for breaking his daughter’s confidence and telling mom something that he knows will hurt her." ~ faylillman
"My thought on that comment by Tessa was that perhaps there is a lot of fighting and unhappiness in the marriage."
"Especially if it seems to someone outside the relationship that she not picks or nags him, treats him badly."
"I gauge this on OP’s statement of his 'realization' during a fight with his wife while Tessa was present and Tessa laughed."
"I am guessing the fight wasn’t about anything important if she laughed at it."
"Though if that’s the case, then she’s an a** as well." ~ Fyrefly1981
"YTA. Tessa has done absolutely nothing; it is not her fault what Rick did."
"You have no right to ban your husband's daughter from visiting him at his house."
"I understand that Tessa and Holly should not be in the same space at the same time, but that doesn't mean Tessa should be banned outright." ~ Marz_Bar169
"I understand that Tessa and Holly should not be in the same space at the same time, but that doesn't mean Tessa should be ban outright."
"OP never said that Holly knows about the comments."
"This all seems to be conversations between a father and his daughter that his wife (OP) is getting involved in."
"If Tessa were to say these things to Holly or if she were to act by starting to date Rick, then I agree they shouldn't be in the same space, but if Holly finds out because OP tells her something Tessa said to her father in confidence, that's just making OP even more of an a**hole than she's already portraying herself to be here." ~ Comedy86
"YTA, Tessa is wrong for reacting the way she did, but she also admits it's inappropriate and has never acted on it."
"You are not just banning her from her home; you are banning her from her father's home."
"You seem to forget it is not only your house, and that is not your decision to make alone." ~ AllAboutTheQueso
"YTA. Tessa isn’t keeping the letter because she has feelings for Rick; she’s keeping it because no one in her life says anything nice to her and that’s all she has."
"You want her to get rid of it?"
"Try being kind to her and helping her feel good about herself so she doesn’t have to turn to her sister’s horrible ex for kind words."
"Ostracizing her from her family will only make things worse." ~ Calligraphee
"YTA: Trying to ban my daughter from my home is a quick ticket for you to get out of my life. "
"You’ve vastly misdirected your anger and are doing nothing to help a chaotic situation." ~ RatBert66
"YTA - Rock is the problem, and you’re blaming your stepdaughter."
"I know Holly hurts, and you’re hurting for them, but this is a problem with Holly’s husband."
"You’re lashing out at the only person you can get access to."
"You need to go to therapy and your daughter should as well." ~ Sufficient_Tune_2638
"YTA."
"You’re letting Rick tear apart your entire family."
"Tessa hasn’t received many compliments if that letter is a representation of something she is missing in her life."
"If you block Tessa from the 'family home,' chances are you won’t have a family."
"I hope her dad picks Tessa."
"She’s done nothing wrong." ~ stberg40
"YTA. This is all incredibly General Hospital."
"And most of it doesn't involve you directly."
"But if you hold the position you're taking, it's going to screw up your own marriage."
"I get where you're coming from."
"What happened to your daughter is horrible."
"I, too, would want to protect my child."
"But your stepdaughter isn't at fault for this."
"She didn't make him leave his wife."
"She can't help that she finds the letter flattering."
"If she and your ex-son-in-law get together, we can revisit who is the a**hole."
"Right now you're on raw nerves and lashing out." ~ Keyguardactive
"YTA. Tessa didn’t do anything."
"She didn’t act on anything or say anything."
"She is a single mother, and she confessed to her father that she kept the letter."
"So what?"
"She didn’t rub it on Holly’s face."
"Banning her from his father’s house is wild, and your husband is correct; you have no right."
"If Holly doesn’t want to be in the same place with Tessa for a while, it’s understandable, but even then it should be Holly who should skip the events, not Tessa."
"You have no right to punish a woman who did nothing wrong." ~ vortexaoth
"YTA, Rick is the villain here."
"Tessa is just collateral."
"If Tessa starts to date Rick, by all means ban her."
"But disowning a daughter you've raised for 15 years because she checks notes reads a letter sometimes is wildly overreacting."
"Don't blow up your family over this. "
"Stay strong, bring each other closer."
"You could either start a sibling war that will rip your blended family apart forever, or you could help heal the rift."
"You're going down a path that could end in your own divorce right now." ~ odamado
Reddit has a lot of issues with your behavior, OP.
This is definitely a VERY messy situation.
Rick is the guilty party.
Don't let this ruin your own relationship.
Good Luck.
